Going Up In Rank

In the last month or so, the Lord has been doing some deep, deep things and I'm not even sure how to explain it.

He's building a contentedness to wait on Him. He's building steadfastness amidst emotions and stress. He's building His character in me. And I'm beginning to notice that my hope is no longer in things that will disappoint me, but it is in Him.

This weekend, some things hit me and I know I THOUGHT I should have been more effected by them but... What a freedom that God is what I put my hope in, and I trust Him in all His sovereignty! Its so awesome to realize that I'm not the way even I expected I would be because God has been working underneath the scenes in my life.

I have no clue how to explain it, but the hours of sitting before the Lord in prayer or just... BEING with Him, are transforming my entire person. I have never known the kind of growth I'm experiencing right now. I want silence and not distraction. I can't help worshiping Him the more I know of Him. I can't help desiring to serve. It is out of the overflow of my love with the Lord that I desire to do everything I am called to in ministering the His people and the people that aren't His yet.

There have been some truly defining moments that I would like to write out here.

The fact that I've been so financially stressed has been what I would call a "kick-start" into what God has in mind to work in me.

I guess I tend to depend on myself to be ahead of the game when it comes to my finances. So when things happen that are out of my control, I immediately have to go into a mode I need to be more practiced in: trusting God's sovereign way of provision.

It was a movement forward motivated by situations that would most simply just bring me to the end of my own abilities and strengths. Patience. I'm finding the end of my own portion. hehe.

Last Sunday (not yesterday) I had a time in the prayer room where the Lord reaaaaaalllllly did some surgery on my heart.

As my friend put it yesterday, "God knew that it would be too painful for me to reach His hand so deep and remove such a deep rooted lie in my heart. So He put me to sleep." And that's the truth. I sat for 2 hours pouring out my heart to God.... and then, when no words could say anything more, the Lord put me to sleep, where I was still partially aware of the music, but resting. I woke up with a jolt, and I knew I was better.

Then, this last week, God ranked me quite a bit in His army. Wednesday, I had people praying for me while we fasted, and God did a major "enlightening the eyes of my heart" moment. It has to do with Jeremiah 1:9-10.

Then the LORD stretched out His hand and touched my mouth, and the LORD said to me, "Behold, I have put My words in your mouth. See, I have appointed you this day over the nations and over the kingdoms, To pluck up and to break down, To destroy and to overthrow, To build and to plant."

I was reading a book called "Shaping History through fasting and prayer" and it put something in such a way that a little "DING" happened.

When God speaks, things happen. His Word IS happened. But many a time, the Lord, instead of just speaking, He desires His people to come into partnership with Him. So - He puts His words in their mouths and when THEY speak, things happen. But I'm just overcome by the crazy thing that has to do with Christ having all things under His feet by the power that raised Him from the dead and also by His mercy and loving kindness, WE are seated with Christ in glory and therefore, all His authority has been given to us, as we have taken His name. When we bless, it is blessed in heaven and on earth. When we curse, it is cursed in heaven and on earth. MAN. Our words are powerful. And when we tap into the heart of God to JOIN Him and SPEAK His intercessions?! WE MOVE THINGS. And so, THIS verse for Jeremiah the prophet was commissioned to me.

I'm not just a soldier in God's army. I've been ranked in a certain field that is my very specialty - and its speaking the Word that has been put in my mouth to move mountains in the heavenly realms. Overspiritualized? No. Its Supernaturally natural. This IS the normal life of a true believer.... and? I LOVE it.

God is just doing such a good work in my heart. Its just Him and me. There's no one else in the equation. No thing else to worry about.

Its just Him and me, and He is romancing my heart with His love for me. I'm learning how to be free in loving Him back. Its... been the best Valentine's day ALL MONTH. And isn't that how God is? Why wait for Valentine's day when you can have it EVERY day? And? Everyday is not the same. Its always a new adventure. I'm so glad. I'm just... sooo glad. :)

Two songs that really impacted me.

First one is "Here in the Waiting Room" by Misty Edwards. Its the song that played that very defining Sunday a week or so ago.

Here in the Waiting Room
Here in the waiting room
Of unanswered prayer

I feel like sometimes I will explode here
But I can't leave this place of waiting
I can't leave this place of expecting
You've pinned me down
You hedged me in

God I confess that I feel trapped
There is no way out
But God You know that I would never run to You
Until I had to

God I'm so frustrated, a little bit confused and so angry
For I know that You can answer but You don't answer me

Prayer it sounds so romantic
Prayer, it feels miserable
God I hate it, God I admit it

I know You are good, I know You are
But God it seems like You are playing games with me
God, why?
Why all the waiting a thousands times
Now I'm stuck waiting
God, I trust You
But God, I don't get You

Here in the waiting room
of unanswered prayer
Time seems to haunt me
as the hours turn to days
and days turn to weeks
and week to months
and months to years

Here in the waiting room
of unanswered prayer
But God, You know me
I would never sit still
Until I had to

Your ways are so wonderful
But God I'm so miserable

Cause You make all things beautiful just in time
It's just a matter of time, time, time
So into Your hands I throw it -everything-

Here in the waiting room
I'm here in the waiting room
Of unanswered prayer
I will wait on the Lord
Cause I have no option



And Empty Me sung by Jeremy Camp

Empty Me

Holy Fire, come burn away
my desire for anything
that is not of You
and is of me
I want more of You
and less of Me

Empty me, empty me
Fill, wont You fill me
with You with You

Sigh.

I do some risky praying...

"whatever it takes, Lord."
"Empty Me."
"Change me."
"Keep me humble, before You."
"Come quickly, Lord. I don't wanna be here anymore."


yes. This is my life. My novice life of prayer. :)