When Your Dreams are Dashed and Your Heart is Broken

I was 13 years old.  I was sure I’d get married to my first love by the time I was 22.

I envisioned a lovely, romantic courtship much like Anne of Green Gables and her beau, Gilbert Blythe or Laura Ingalls and Almanzo Wilder.  We were going to start out as friends; we’d secretly love each other and one day, we’d just get married.

While these are sweet sentiments to grow up dreaming about, it was quite the crash when I fell from the clouds of these expectations.

But it came. The day my dreams began to take shape in reality.

The electricity was out, a storm was howling and I came home to a guy who was having a serious conversation with my parents.

This moment led to the courtship of a wonderful young man in my senior year of high school.  We were best friends and quietly cared for each other for a few years.  It was one of those things everyone around us watched, noting it was just a matter of time.

As life would have it however, our lives were going in different directions and within a few months, it had been made clear. 

Now this dear friend of mine is married to the love of his life and I couldn’t be happier for them both!

Even though it hurt both of us for a little while, the decision to break up was exactly what needed to happen all those years ago except for one problem.   
My childhood dreams would never be fulfilled now. It was the truth I shoved to the back of my heart in attempt to move on.

I tried the whole, “we’re not actually dating, we’re just hanging out – every single day” kind of relationship.

That broke my heart so I went on a “taking a year off of dating” spree.  (Meaning I felt it went so well I took three years off, one right after the other.)

Then I tried the whole, “I’ve only known you for a month but you’re a worship leader and a youth pastor so I should give you a shot” dating relationship. 

I tried the, “we totally just got set up and you’re in seminary and there’s chemistry” dating relationship. 

I tried the, “You’re younger than me but you won’t go away and I guess I sort of like you” dating relationship.

There’s one thing all these relationships have in common.

They weren’t “The Dream”.

They would never be “The Dream”.  

It was a disappointment I had put off for far too long and it finally surfaced within the last 3 years of my life.

My heart’s been broken a few times. 

I’ve had to scrape the pieces off the floor and restructure my life a few times. 

Some could argue that I invested my heart too quickly and too fully.

There’s no need to argue.  They are right.  I have.

Some relationships hurt me much deeper than others, but God was with me through it all, and there were a few lessons I needed to learn.

The first lesson is, “Ask the right questions”.

After one particularly hard break up, I called one of my mentors and asked her to hit me with her best shot. 

She took me up on my offer.

She mentioned that in every attempted romantic relationship of mine, she noticed a pattern.

It was a reoccurring question that I seemed to be asking God every time a guy walked into my life.

“Is he the One?”

“No wonder you’re angry with God.  He’s not answering your questions and nothing seems to make sense or add up.”

Truth was being uncovered in the brambles of my love life.  This was a divine appointment and what she said next was the thing that would shift my paradigm.

“But He IS answering you, Sarah.  You’re asking the wrong questions.”

She was right.

The question I needed to be asking was, “What are You doing, Lord?”

When I exchanged my old question for this new one, I had the answers.  All the answers I needed.

It was amazing.  When I ask this new question, God can then share with me what His heart is for a relationship and I can better learn how to hone in on its true purpose and hear more clearly.

My second lesson is:  “Long for God's Best."

About two years ago the Lord taught me something as I was driving. (My car seems to be His favorite place to talk to me.)

He gave me a vision of someone holding out their hands.

In one of the hands I saw my dreams; in the other I saw God’s.**

It was a vision of two worlds.  One was what I thought longed for as a child.

The other was my reality with God… and the future beyond it, however unclear.

One was a seed.  One was the growing plant. 

**Not to say that heart break is God’s best for me or anyone.  Not to say that it isn’t.  But it happened in my life, and going back is not an option.  I was following the Lord the best I could then, even in the midst of my mistakes.  If we care deeply to follow God, I believe God honors our hearts for His best.  Thus, whatever comes in life is part of the process.  I believe God allows the good and the bad to reveal His glory.**

In that moment, Holy Spirit gave me a new understanding of this whole thing I called “life”.

Do I trust that my life-walk with Jesus right now is better than my childhood whimsies?

It’s quite fitting then, that He would ask me a rhetorical question.

“Are you okay with My Best, even if it never looks like what you thought it would?”

It’s rhetorical because I’ve already chosen this path.  He knows that.

The tenderness in His question was unforgettable. 

Counting the cost again… He’s never been so worth it to me.

I choose the better thing.

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This post isn’t about how to accomplish your dreams. 

This post isn’t about a formula that will help you get over disappointment or grief.

This post, though revealing the obvious place romance has in my dream life – isn’t really even about that.

It's about the difference between our own self-made expectations for our lives and walking with God in the reality of where we are now.

It’s like we’ve been given a gift of tree seeds.  We envision them fully grown but we don’t know what kind of tree they will be.  We have expectations but we don’t know what the process will look like or even what the specifics will be of the end result.

But we have these seeds, nevertheless.  And we can plant them and delight in what they become or we can hate them and neglect the gift of life that’s been given to us.

We certainly have our questions for God when situations arise.

But I think He has questions for us too. 
 Do we trust that His way is best?  
 Do we trust that when disappointment occurs, He has a reappointment already planned? 
  Are we willing to walk with Jesus and sing the same worship songs even when we seem to be stuck in the muck of life?

Is it still worth it to hope?  Is He still worth it to hope?

“Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen.” – Hebrews 11:1

I bless you dear brothers and sisters in your walk with our Lord Jesus.

He is faithful to finish the work He has started in you.

Are you okay if it doesn’t look the way you first expected?

Aren’t His ideas better than our imaginations?

Isn’t His love more extravagant than we know?




No Offense
by Sarah Faith

The desert is a painful death
for there my dreams lay waste
devils blow to shift my path
I find no way to chase.

Unbearable the flames to test
my faith throughout the day
though in the night I must confess
feel set-up and ashamed.

Its in this place a judger's eye
would find me in the wrong
while my accusation and questions fly
to heaven, gusto-strong.

But You.  You know me thoroughly
even now there's no offense
For from this pain comes intimacy
under Your arm I'll know rest.

Yes, in Your arms I find rest.