My God-in-a-box and Being Offended at Healings

I've always had a hard time with the "gifts of healing" mentioned in the Bible.
Some of you may not believe that God moves today... but I assure you from personal experience... everything the New Testament talks about?  Yeah.  I've experienced it.
Even though the movements of the Holy Spirit are as legit as I say, I've still had a hard time with what I feel about "healing".

I've had a hard time with healing because I've never been able to wrap my mind around why God DOESN'T heal. And to be honest, I've been offended at some of His decisions in this matter.

But something happened that began to change that.

Every summer I ended up rolling both my ankles.  Then... I would limp until right before the next summer.  I did this for about 3 or 4 years and it was really the most frustrating thing for me.
But I decided to get prayer for it again because the new church I began to go to believes strongly that God is in the business of physical healing.

You know what?  I could run and jump after I got prayer.  And I haven't rolled my ankle again.  Its been almost 5 years.

Not that I didn't believe God could heal.  I definitely believed He could. 
I just somehow believed that healing was always up to my faith - whether I was praying for someone or whether I was getting prayer for it.

And I was just... really wrong.

Then I went to India.
And in India, I didn't even have to have really deep or extravagant prayers.  People were getting healed - bones were entirely mended, ear aches and tummy aches and deaf - everyone.  People were getting healed.
These people weren't even Jesus-followers.
So...why does it feel like pulling teeth when I pray for these things to happen back in the US?

These are questions I wonder if people usually ask when coming back from short term mission trips like mine.

Because in India, you can buy idols anywhere.  And it was actually a little bit of a spiritual shock for me because when I was standing in front of shelves and shelves of idols at these stores it hit me like a ton of bricks that the idols themselves actually had no creepy spiritual presence to them.

And right as I had this thought, the Lord imprinted a truth into my heart.
"They only have demonic influence when they are prayed to."  Otherwise... they're statues.

But here's the thing:  the idea of a god or gods is acknowledged and overtly accepted in the country of India as well as other countries.

The US as a general people have begun to lean towards no acknowledgement of a higher power beyond their own capabilities.  We're intellectual and philosophical.  We don't accept that we can't understand everything.  If we can't understand something, we will make ourselves understand or we will make it small enough to wrap our minds around.

I know some people will not agree with me about that last statement. 
Though I believe that understanding and wisdom and knowledge are wonderful things to have and to be fluent in, I don't believe that it is wise to think that we can know the whole of something which is vast.

God is one of those things - He is one of those Persons - who is vast and beyond our understanding.

So... coming home to the States I asked the Lord, "Lord... um hey.  Why don't you heal here the way you heal people there?"

And you know what He said?

"You have whittled Me down and gotten rid of the parts of Me you don't like or understand.  What you're left with isn't Me - but an idol.  When you pray to that god, he can't heal you... Because you got rid of the  parts you don't understand of Me.  And those are the parts that heal, that do miracles and unexplainable things."

But at least we have a little wooden idol of god in our pocket right?

I'm determined to let God be as big as He actually is.
I am so tired of little gods and my big head.

Settling The Score

There are times where my heart doesn't have as much thought as it has "processing" taking place, deeper in.
When this happens, I don't have much to say, but I end up feeling creative.
This week is no exception.  I know I've been counting the cost again...
I've always said that there is no sacrifice too great for my Jesus.  I've already settled the price.  Every time it costs me more, I remember it is already done and it becomes a test of my faithfulness to Jesus, and I'm learning to settle the score.  Pay the price.  Walk with Christ.
But instead of explaining it away, I will let my poem speak for itself.

When Your Dreams are Dashed and Your Heart is Broken

I was 13 years old.  I was sure I’d get married to my first love by the time I was 22.

I envisioned a lovely, romantic courtship much like Anne of Green Gables and her beau, Gilbert Blythe or Laura Ingalls and Almanzo Wilder.  We were going to start out as friends; we’d secretly love each other and one day, we’d just get married.

While these are sweet sentiments to grow up dreaming about, it was quite the crash when I fell from the clouds of these expectations.

Gentlemen: I'm Not Your Paper Doll

“You’re exactly the kind of girl I’ve been looking for!”

“You lead worship? I lead worship too.  I’ve always wanted to lead worship with my wife.”

“You know, I always hoped God would give me a blonde-haired, blue eyed girl.”

“You had a crush on Aladdin?  No way!! I had a crush on Jasmine.”

“I always knew I would need a girl who could meet me on an intellectual level. You do that for me!”

“I’m all in, whatever it takes.”

“You’re the only one who gets me.”

“I’ve always wanted a girl who could enter into my world.”

“We were meant to be.”

“Can I say I love you? … Please?”

You know, I never wanted to be that girl who’s dated a lot.  Maybe in comparison, I haven’t dated too much.  But I think I may have given my heart away too quickly in the past.  Can you relate? 

Don’t worry, I promise I’m not like that today and maybe neither are you anymore either. Experience does that for folks.  In fact, maybe you would even agree that  it’s almost impossible to give it away now.

Then again, maybe it's a good thing.  I know it is for me.  It means it’s not in my hands to give.  Some of you might disagree.  But that’s my choice, not yours.

I’ve been thinking about this for a while now and maybe there are a few people out there who can connect with this.  For the men (or women) who read this, maybe you’re one of those guys (or girls) who have said similar things to the comments I I've just quoted.

Maybe you’re not.

But if you are, maybe you need to be reading this.

I Told God I Hated Him & How it Changed My Life

Talking to God.
There's something about it that scares most people.
Nobody usually jumps at the opportunity to pray over a meal.  For some reason its not the first thought that pops into our mind when our friends are telling us about being sick, being stressed or struggling in life.

What I'm about to share is not necessarily the "right" way to pray.
In fact... after looking up the word "prayer" I wouldn't necessarily call it that.
Its much more simple.  Today I'm thinking about making constant conversation with God.
Kind of like an on-going text message conversation that never really ends - it just gets put on hold while each person carries on in daily activities.

I am going to share how I began to interact with God.  Maybe some people will read this and go,
"Hey!  That's TOTALLY how I interact with Him!"
While others may say, "Who does she think she is? Does she not know what it is to be reverent?"

These responses are legitimate.
I can't tell you whether they're wrong or right.  I can only testify: this is how I talk with God. Take it or leave it.

The day I told God I hated Him was the day that changed my life forever, really.

A Modest Heart: The Truth About Women, Dressing and Modesty

“Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness.”  1 Timothy 2:9-10

“Your adornment must not be merely external – braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which in God’s sight is very precious.”  1 Peter 3:3-4

Hello dear readers!

Today I will be writing about a subject I've become passionate about over the past year: modesty, beauty and a woman’s heart.

Before I go further, I'd like to make it very clear that this post is meant for introspection.  I've had some question if I mean that we can judge where women's hearts are by what they wear.  I do not believe this at all.  Each woman is different and we cannot judge what we see because we do not see as God sees.  This post is meant to turn the focus on to our own hearts before the Lord and to suggest outward expression of an established inward truth. 

If any of you follow me on Twitter, Instagram or even Facebook, you have probably noticed my outfit-of-the-day collages and my excited notations on color-mixes and patterns and designs.  I LOVE coming up with new ways to wear the old things with the new things and being sneaky about wearing the SAME things two days in a row.  It’s like sharing a new discovery!  AND - Its inspiration!  I’ve decided that part of my calling as a woman of God is to be a well dressed one. I am called to be a woman who by wearing her heart on her sleeve can invite others into a new realm of God’s glory by sharing her feminine beauty and creativity.

 I’ve read many a blog and heard many a talk about the subject of modesty as a churched girl.  What I’ve found interesting is that I’ve never heard it spoken of with quite the perspective I’m about share.

To start off, let me offer my definition for The Christian Modesty Rule.

The Christian Modesty Rule:  an unwritten (or maybe written) set of expectations and standards for what is appropriate to wear and not to wear both inside church and (apparently) outside of the church as well.

I will start by sharing a story of the first time I violated said rule.

A Testimony: Waiting and Praying for our Future Spouses

This particular blog post has been a long time coming.  I've probably thought about writing this for the last 4 months or so, but one might understand that an idea, as good as it is, takes time to really formulate into something worth producing.

Another reason I'd like to write is because no one really talks about this stuff very much and I for one would be encouraged by someone's willingness to share their heart IN THE PROCESS, not necessarily just at its completion.
In fact, I was just complaining about how there aren't really any books out there about praying and waiting in this arena that aren't written either for a. teenage girls or written by b. a married person/married people.

What about my story?

Books written by married couples about waiting while single can indicate that marriage is the reward of being a "good girl" or a "good boy" for God. Does that mean I haven't been as faithful or whatever?
 Now! I've been immensely blessed by these books and they have their place!  But what about folks like me?

This post is certainly not a book, but its meant to encourage those who wait.