Settling The Score

There are times where my heart doesn't have as much thought as it has "processing" taking place, deeper in.
When this happens, I don't have much to say, but I end up feeling creative.
This week is no exception.  I know I've been counting the cost again...
I've always said that there is no sacrifice too great for my Jesus.  I've already settled the price.  Every time it costs me more, I remember it is already done and it becomes a test of my faithfulness to Jesus, and I'm learning to settle the score.  Pay the price.  Walk with Christ.
But instead of explaining it away, I will let my poem speak for itself.

When Your Dreams are Dashed and Your Heart is Broken

I was 13 years old.  I was sure I’d get married to my first love by the time I was 22.

I envisioned a lovely, romantic courtship much like Anne of Green Gables and her beau, Gilbert Blythe or Laura Ingalls and Almanzo Wilder.  We were going to start out as friends; we’d secretly love each other and one day, we’d just get married.

While these are sweet sentiments to grow up dreaming about, it was quite the crash when I fell from the clouds of these expectations.

"No Offense" and "Savor"

Today's post is for those who enjoy themselves some poetry :)

Both are entirely different pieces, but both capture my heart and life to different capacities.

So, without further ado...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Savor
by Sarah Faith
 
Flat air picks up whiffs of french fries and car fumes
and garbage and ... perfumes?
And the sun is screaming that its still late summer
despite school bus engines 
and scholarly murmurs.
Step by step passing by the ugly
my mind sets out to uncover something 
lovely.
Hints of treasure all hidden away
waiting to be found by a thoughtful gaze. Hmm.
Slippery-wet, my cup, my friend
joins me in the fun I tend
If taste was a song, then this was my theme
as my thoughts drift over the tops of trees.
a sip of coffee, iced and swirling
with cream, my tongue each flavor.
Contentedness comes with a sighing rest
 I, with happiness savor.



-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------


No Offense
by Sarah Faith


The desert is a painful death
for there my dreams lay waste
devils blow to shift my path
I find no way to chase.

Unbearable the flames to test
my faith throughout the day
though in the night I must confess
feel set-up and ashamed.

Its in this place a judger's eye
would find me in the wrong
while my accusation and questions fly
to heaven, gusto-strong.

But You.  You know me thoroughly
even now there's no offense
For from this pain comes intimacy
under Your arm I'll know rest.

Yes, in Your arms I find rest.

Whimsical Little Heart That I Have

A year ago, I was the person who hoped for spring in the middle of winter and was disappointed when my hopes were dashed with mounds of snow.

This year, I find myself lovingly embracing each season and hoping to experience exactly what is brought with them - winter, spring, summer, and fall.

It may seem to some that I'm a person who doesn't know what I want.
Its true.  I don't always.
Maybe though, the way that I find myself approaching the seasons this year is evidence that God has been changing my heart drastically.
I'm sad to see the snow melt AGAIN, for the 27th time this winter.

But, its a new season.  Its not last winter, its not next winter.  Its THIS winter.  And this winter brings a blizzard yesterday and 50 degree weather today.
And - its all in God's hands, which means that its beautiful.
I couldn't see the beauty in that, a year ago.
But now its this year.  A new year.
With THAT being said, feeling a little up heaved over these past few months has jostled my heart into a new rhythm of sorts - one that, upon speculation, seems best put within the context of a poem.
The title seems exactly appropriate for my thoughts.

The Rhythm-Changer
Moving about my day
to my own beat and to time
my hands to work I may
to keep the rhythm of my rhyme.
Day to day its kept
my heart was beating fine
'til in my life you stepped
I saw my world was never mine.
Now I dance about my day
twirling to a tune
with lyrics I can't say
but smell sweet like a perfume.
Moving about my day
to your beat and to your time
hands work is Kingdom play
face set, my heart sublime.

Sara Groves wrote a song called "Setting Up the Pins".
She sings about how life's rhythm is like setting up the pins and knocking them down.
I feel like that's life's rhythm except for ONE major difference:  I don't dance to my own beat.  I dance to His.  I dance to the beat of Jesus.  I dance to the beat of the Holy Spirit.
And He is ALWAYS doing a new thing - the things of God.

There's a LOT of change happening in my life right now, but I'm not going to actually update all of you until plans are set in stone.  So my question is: would you pray for me?

I love you all,

Sarah

Time to Let it Go

Time to Let it Go
by Sarah Faith

Again my eyes beheld
the changing season scene
where once the burst of death
colored each leaf with a scream.

Quietly the trees resolve
each letting their own go
submitting to the Lord the old
so something new can grow.

Though the visible exclaims
a normal, boring gray
It obediently vacates
so transform inside, it may.

One day yes, in His time
the season next, comes soon
time's up in hope's deferring
roots deep in love, she'll bloom.

Luke 7:36-49 - Poem

Luke 7:36-49 

by Sarah Faith

With tears that stain
her heart of shame
she brought to Him
her most precious thing


She entered in
to the screaming sound
of judging eyes
with faith most profound.


With submissive air
and in no way proud
this darling girl
poured her whole life out.


Though battered and broken
within her sin
deeply she loved
and much was forgiv`n. 

Phasing Through

Phasing Through
A misty rain dusts my face.
The chill of which lets me know
that Autumn is passing through.
O winter, come thou slowly!
But alas, 'tis nothing new.
This belov'd, firey season
in one breath, is phasing through.
Dying, frost-tipped leaves blaze on;
crispy-crunch with ev'ry step.
Breathe! Behold - her moments, few.

Her Painted Story - Poem

Her Painted Story
miss-matched strokes
every which way
close up, folks
see not, or may
the beauty
meant to behold
as truly
her story unfolds.

Can Sounds Dance?

Autumn sounds dancing/
through expectant little leaves/
drink it in! - just - Breathe.

The ABCs of my heart's thoughts

The ABC's of My Heart

Amount to nothing
Belly Up
Coming cleaning
Done with self
Easier said than done
Finding though its worth it
God, Your kingdom come
Heaven in heart, expanded.
I decrease for sure
Just the way I've asked
Knowing You more
Letting go of all my acts.
My masks come down -
Now is always time.
On His face is shown
Precious light, glory - mine.
Quiet stillness be -
Remaining before Him.
Stay a while with me
Til I sing as the Seraphim.
Unfortunate world in
Vanity they strive.
(Wane not from His way, dear girl!)
X the spot in
You I shall abide & my heart the
Zeal of God forever reside.

Giving of My Best - a Poem

Giving of My Best
Sarah Faith

Lord, these desires are so dear
my treasures and my crown
but too much importance, it is clear
on these things have been found.

Pulled between my want and Truth
hanging mid-air, sound
upon the alter, above my hands
I lay my Isaac down.

Start at the End

I just took a thought stanza from my journal and created a poem from it today.

I put a lot of deliberation into this little bit of my heart. :) As a (sort of acrostic) syllabic verse, this follows a alternating 7-6-6-7/6-6-6-7 format. Enjoy!


Please Don't Go Away - Start At The End
by Sarah Faith

Dancing down rolling hills
with a leap and a whirl
that flies out of control
my dear safe place spins Away.

Face to face with whats real
Not as spiritual
as I thought I had been.
Where did all my green grass Go?

Color isn't gone away
I find that its just bare.
No longer can I hide;
As of now I think I Don't.

Before Your eyes I end
My desperate little heart -
Reality of need.
Begin again, if You Please.

My life in a Poem

Deep inside my heart I know

a desire within me grows - 

to put away all youthful lusts

for holiness and righteousness.

Struggle still,  easy, no.

For I, myself, my greatest foe.

My heart to long for heaven things

my flesh to fight in opposing deeds.

All I long for is out of reach

the things I hate, I try unteach.

I battle for the sweet and pure

I've lost, I feel; my victory's sure

For by God's grace I move ahead

sometimes I lose, yet still not dead.

One day I'll walk tall and strong

as the Son revealed, my Glory has won.

2-3-11 -Sarah Faith. 

 

 

It should be a costly thing - a woman's heart....

Though some of the perspective of this poem is not necessarely applicable, still, the real essense behind it is the confidence of a truly beautiful woman who requires a man who pursues her to be a man of God - and also, one who sees the value of her heart.

"An excellent (or virtuous) wife, who can find? Her worth is far above jewels." -Proverbs 31:10

As I am determined to be such a woman, I do agree with the heart of the poem, as well as enjoy how it is read.

Be blessed,

Sarah

A WOMAN'S QUESTION
Do you know you have asked for the costliest thing
Ever made by the hand above?
A woman's heart, and a woman's life--
And a woman's wonderful love.

Do you know you have asked for this priceless thing
As a child might ask for a toy?
Demanding what others have died to win
With the reckless dash of a boy.

You have written my lesson of duty out,
Manlike, you have questioned me.
Now stand at the bars of my woman's soul
Until I shall question thee.

You require your mutton shall always be hot,
Your socks and your shirt be whole;
I require your heart be as true as God's stars
And as pure as His heaven your soul.

You require a cook for your mutton and beef,
I require a far greater thing;
A seamstress you're wanting for socks and shirts---
I look for a man and a king.

A king for the beautiful realm called Home,
And a man that his Maker, God,
Shall look upon as he did on the first
And say: "It is very good."

I am fair and young, but the rose may fade
From this soft young cheek one day;
Will you love me then, 'mid the falling leaves
As you did 'mong the blossoms of May?

Is your heart an ocean so strong and true,
I may launch my all on its tide?
A loving woman finds heaven or hell
On the day she is made a bride.

I require all things that are grand and true,
All things that a man should be;
If you give this all, I would stake my life
To be all you demand of me.

If you cannot be this, a laundress and cook
You can hire and little to pay;
But a woman's heart and a woman's life
Are not to be won that way.
Lena Lathrop

Invitation Made

Invitation Made

The invitation made
prsented here for you
come know me for who I am
find treasure worth pursuit.

Find me more then lovely
and with an open eye
dig past all the smiles
press forward to the prize.

Strong and bold - O the walls
my fortress and surrounding
there is a place the King knows well
So know Him or no finding.

For it is He who lets one in
guarding heart and mind
by His peace I trust in Him
So in Him do abide.

Oh see all thats before you
be valiant, be strong
gird your sword and ride onward
for you, I've waited long.

A Psalm

O Lord, You are my Strong Place
You are not safe - but You are good.
Your ear is always turned towards
Those whose hearts bend to your breathing -
In. In and out. Back and forth. In and out.
Do not forget your servant.
Remember your own scars as your servant weeps
In the deep moments
As your maidservant takes the slow cuts of the tongue.
You will reveal those things hidden deep
Either good or bad.
You are The Light that draws unto Yourself.
See Your daughter’s heart, O God.
As Your eyes wonder to and fro across the earth
Looking for those who see your bush aflame
And take off their shoes.
I have taken off my sandals - I have tasted dirt
Face-down, I have humbled my will to Your every word.
Oh Lord, amidst the wonders You run,
Amongst the places Your hands are in,
Forget not this little one.
By no means am I David.
By no means am I a saint of old or fame.
Yet, forget me not.
My heart sways back and forth to your breathing-
In and out and back and forth.
Hear this one plea from a small voice
In the sea of Prophets and Prophetesses.

the example of the tree, and other things

So I'm finally getting everythingt set up for my pc. thats exciting.

For all my readers, I'm pretty sure I make it clear that when I write about something, I'm definitelly including myself in who needs to take action and who needs to check their hearts.

I for one check my heart even before all of you on this blog of mine, besides those times where only the Lord and I go.

I feel it ignorant when people comment a blog without truly reading it. I've read my last blog posting over and over and have found no place where I've been hypocritical. I'm sorry that people feel so quickly judgemental thoughts towards me without first really trying to see my heart.

I by no means think I'm anywhere near in a place of perfection, but I certainly believe that God is on my back about everthing I write or speak about.


So, my heart is sad for those people.

unfortunately, I feel nothing more then apathetic about people's oppinions about me, because most people who feel they MUST have an oppinion usually aren't those who know me very well.


But for those who do know me well... or for those who are looking for encouragement, I have a new poem for you.

It is what God showed me in the park one day, and I sat down and put it into stanzas.

The example of the tree

By: Sarah Gul----- 8-4-08

Sitting in the park one day
I saw there stood a tree
Before my very eyes,
God spoke an analogy of me.

Responding to the wind
As it blew between the leaves
Responding the way it should
As it was meant to from its’ seed.

When the sun shines forth,
It’s arms reach to meet the rays
As it opens itself up
Hiding nothing as it may.

Blossoming its buds
To true intimacy
The sun kisses above
Exploding tree into vibrancy.

Rolling clouds above
They come upon each little tree
My friend is not exempt
From storms, expectancy.

But the tree does not complain,
From an unnecessary soak
It just responds the right way
Pushing roots to stretch and grow.

Taking up its batterment
And bending to the rage
The healthy tree it stands
Finding grace through all the rain.

As the wind sings through
It’s leaves don’t blow away
Rather they respond
Laughing, dancing bright and gay.

The tree bows down before the force
invisible may it be
But its faith it merely pulls
Proving virtue mightily.

It had no say from where it came
Or where it would be planted
What tree it’d be it could not see
Or what purpose it would warrant



All it knew was to respond
And that’s where we broke down
We, meant to live with God as friends
Chose to respond all wrong.

So now just like our little friend
We must go through the cycle
Of dying as small brown speck
Because this step is vital.

Growing as a seedling,
For now we don’t see fruit
Because God is still transforming
Our selves to be brand new.

It is quite a process
To retrace how things should be
Responding simply the way we should
Instead of selfishly.

At some point we grow strong,
And realize where we are
And God showed me like that young tree
I’m in a clearing, set apart.

I did not choose where I’d be planted
Nor my circumstance
Though I found out rather quickly
It means I’m up for more attacks.

Not hidden amongst the trees,
Protection is not so clear
I’m at the Spirit’s mercy
I’m apt to shed more tears.

But just like my little tree,
I bend but do not break
The Spirit and I are friends
And it likes to test my faith.

Not exempt from life’s storms
I must go through each one,
Some branches break, leaves blow away
But my roots are set in strong.

Its in these times when the rain falls
I feel I’m breaking down
That God brings forth the grace I need
Drenching humility in the ground


Then Jesus let his love shine forth
And love makes all things grow
Opening up the life within
Revealing a beautiful glow.
So sitting in the park that day
As I looked upon that tree
I was reminded that my response was this:
To get down on my knees.

more thoughts to come!

Myrrhy Christmas...

My heart hurts more then I've ever known it to hurt before. It has ached, it has morned, but it has never actually hurt like this before. I wrote this poem before I knew I would need it. I suppose God knew though.

Maybe what hurts the most is that everything that is going on right now is what God wants, as far as I can see.

I'm not acting out of emotion, I'm acting out of faith. For those of you who don't know how that feels, I'll give you this: "Pain is not the phrase to feel exactly how I do. Ache comes close but even so, its meaning is but crude."

Now, with that being said, here is the rawness of my heart.




When its in My Hands
by Sarah Faith, 12-21-06


Another break, another crack
all within my hands.
A tear, a heave, a sigh, my needs
all withered with my plans.
I hold them dear, every slice -
all crumbs and goods enclosed,
and watch as every porcelain piece
cracks with each tear down my nose.
"Lord! I'm careful, gentle, kind!
I've tried my best I swear!
So why is it that when its mine,
It gets broken when I share?"
Looking down, I take in view
the intricate detail
of every hue, of every charm
my hear had once entailed.
My eyes, they filled with tears again
as if they'd never cried,
as I held the pieces of
my most important of insides.
I hold them out to look again,
thinking of what I'd do,
Should I try some duct tape,
or this time, super glue?
I look up from my thoughts,
into familiar eyes,
And once again, I break down
as if I'd never before cried.
I held out my broken heart,
wrapped up in my soul,
"Lord I broke it again,
When I took it back to hold."
I handed it all over,
gently dropping piece by piece,
the heart that once was whole
that now needed fixed.
A tear dropped from His eye,
the same time one did mine,
and His told me of the pain
He knew, and more, inside.
He gently held my heart,
as His tear fell down His cheek,
and dropped with distinct aim
into my shattered mess with peace.
Before my very eyes,
I then saw with all form
my heart was being healed
as He reached out to my core.
"This will take some time, dear one,
but I will help and share
the burdens that you carry
with the worries and the cares.
Let Me hold your heart again,
and you will finally see
that sharing of your heart, My child,
is showing them to Me.
And then, maybe someday,
they will do the same,
they'll give their hearts back to Me,
again and again.
But remember one thing, Child,
when your heart is in My hands,
Your needs and dreams
will far exceed, all your hopes and plans.



I'm hoping that all this will be as Myrrh unto God.

"When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
when sarrows and sea billows roll
Whatever my lot, thou hast tought me to say
even so, it is well with my soul."