Gentlemen: I'm Not Your Paper Doll

“You’re exactly the kind of girl I’ve been looking for!”

“You lead worship? I lead worship too.  I’ve always wanted to lead worship with my wife.”

“You know, I always hoped God would give me a blonde-haired, blue eyed girl.”

“You had a crush on Aladdin?  No way!! I had a crush on Jasmine.”

“I always knew I would need a girl who could meet me on an intellectual level. You do that for me!”

“I’m all in, whatever it takes.”

“You’re the only one who gets me.”

“I’ve always wanted a girl who could enter into my world.”

“We were meant to be.”

“Can I say I love you? … Please?”

You know, I never wanted to be that girl who’s dated a lot.  Maybe in comparison, I haven’t dated too much.  But I think I may have given my heart away too quickly in the past.  Can you relate? 

Don’t worry, I promise I’m not like that today and maybe neither are you anymore either. Experience does that for folks.  In fact, maybe you would even agree that  it’s almost impossible to give it away now.

Then again, maybe it's a good thing.  I know it is for me.  It means it’s not in my hands to give.  Some of you might disagree.  But that’s my choice, not yours.

I’ve been thinking about this for a while now and maybe there are a few people out there who can connect with this.  For the men (or women) who read this, maybe you’re one of those guys (or girls) who have said similar things to the comments I I've just quoted.

Maybe you’re not.

But if you are, maybe you need to be reading this.

Confessions of an Awkward Snow White

Dear Lord.

This is how half of my journal entries begin.  The other half choose different names for God.

"First can I tell You that I'm so tired of this needing to be brought before You over and over again?
Yet, I apologize because your Spirit softly rebukes my heart, "How can you measure where you feel you should be right now?  To what do you compare?  I the Lord judge the hearts of man.  Release it again."
God told me not long ago that He wasn't a girlfriend. He is God, and His friendship requires that I bring everything - over and over again - before Him even when I feel like 'I should be done with this by now.'" - 11-4-11

This is the nature of my personal journal - deep thinking, honest - God honest  - rawish material of a processing heart.

The reason why I shared a small excerpt from my personal thoughts before the Lord is simple:  this is where I was a year ago.  I was stuck, and the Lord was encouraging me forward to be faithful and persistent in the rut.  What I didn't know was that come the new year, the Lord would be launching me into a season of unwrapping.

The gift?  Myself.

Sound self centered?  Nope.  Quite the contrary.  Let me explain.

Excuses, Excuses - Dating, Breakups & Freedom

Behold, You delight in truth in the inward being, and You teach me wisdom in the secret heart.

 – Psalm 51:6

 This conversation takes place a few years ago. The setting?  The briefing room.

 Sitting in this quiet side room after a 2 hour prayer set, my friend and I began to discuss an issue that had been plaguing my thought life. Leaning back, my face slowly began to contort in frustrated thought as my friend creatively doodled on the dry-erase board.

“Sarah… what’s wrong with him liking you?”

“Nothing’s wrong with him liking me.”

“So why don’t you give him a chance?”

“Um.  No.”

“Why not?”

“He’s younger than me by a year.  He’s still in school.   He doesn’t have a car...  

He’s just… not right for me.”

“But you said it yourself.  He’s saying all the right things.  He’s doing all the right things.  He’s the kind of guy you’ve been hoping for.”

“Yeah.  But he’s younger than me.  I’m more mature than him.”

“Wooow.  You’re being pretty critical right now… and those aren’t necessarily good reasons.  All that stuff is something he can grow in.”

“I just… don’t LIKE HIM LIKE THAT, OKAY?”

“Aaaaahhh!!! NOW we’re getting somewhere!”