1 Percenter, Grace and "Getting Saved"

I've been thinking about how I wanted to start this post -
 what sentence would capture in a nutshell the reason behind my somewhat sudden absence from the bloggersphere. But to be honest - nothing really came to mind.  And I'm okay with that.

Since my last (what I would call shortstop) post ... and to be honest, since I last really posted, my life has been turned upside down and all around.

Going to India pretty much set it off, too.  I mean, I knew it was going to change my life and all, but I have nothing in the history of my life to compare this to.

First of all, a few things should be in the back of your mind as I explain.

Firstly, I wanted to be an archaeologist when I grew up as a kid.  Which could coincide with my love for understanding people and culture so... anthropology? I just clumped it all together in one word though.

When I got older, I thought I'd be a wiseguy and pull one over on God - meaning, make my life plans LOOK like God's work so I could do what I really wanted to do.  hehe.  So I told God I wanted to be a missionary... and then do archeology on the side.  ... Then as time went on, I actually DID want to be a missionary.  And then further down the road, for various reasons, I decided that since most missionaries I knew were just serving their own communities, I would be a missionary and learn to serve mine.

Except I didn't really love my community.  How many of us know that in order to truly serve out of our own free will, we must also learn to love?  I had a long way to go.  But we all do... all the time.

Anyway I dropped the idea of going to other countries around the age of 14.  Fast forward a decade - and my 24 year old self  just met up with her missionary dreams once again.
 Except what she realized was that in learning to love her own country, her own city, her own community and her own family, she was able and prepared to love another.

What I saw in myself was surprising.  Why was it so easy?  Why did I love things others could only tolerate?  Why did I connect with the people like they were my own family?
And most of all, WHO THE HECK AM I?  I mean - what just happened here.

There are a LOT of things people say to people like me:  mission trip newbies.

"Of course you won't want to leave.  You never do, when its your first trip."

"I know it sucks to go back right now but, you'll be back to normal soon."

"Yeah, over time you'll forget about the place... and it'll seem like it never happened.  But... you'll be different.  And you'll remember that it DID happen. Because you're not the same, even though your life is." 

"Yeah... there's always that 'mission trip crush'.  It'll pass."
 (*Ahem* More on that later.)

Are these little tidbits I've heard over the past 7 months wrong?  No way!  Its a lot of truth.  For most people.

But... I'm not most people.  I'm Sarah.  And in the one percent chance that the status quo DOESN'T apply to a situation, you can surely conclude that my life is made up of the most hilarious "did that just happen?" one percent chance situations.   Sometimes I wish I could say different, but honestly I get a kick out of my life and it always seems to come through prove everyone wrong when they try to categorize or generalize it.  It suddenly seems to have a mind of its own  - have a bad hair day - or decide it just won't cooperate.  It chooses the most opportune moment to declare itself different right when I think I'm about to enjoy a little bit of 'normal' for a change.

The truth is though - all those words people offer to mission trip newbies like me - just didn't fit.
They were true enough, for a majority of people.  But not for me.
Why?  Because this is part of that one percent chance that something is different.

See...
I didn't forget about India.  I didn't forget about the people.   They're always in the back of my mind. Every day.
My life has been and is a waiting grounds for something greater to happen. Something that will allow me to move forward into whatever the Lord has next.
Plus, I met a man who has since captured my heart - and it was so God-ordained that I can only testify of God's goodness in it.  But that is for a different post. :)

My mind came back reeling with thoughts and possibilities I had never considered or imagined.
I was overwhelmed.  I've curled up in a ball on my floor trying to find something that HADN'T chanced.  The only thing that hadn't was Jesus.  That kind of lesson is learned when nothing is familiar.  I didn't know  who I was anymore.  Yet... I was more myself than I could have ever been up until those moments.  And I'm so grateful.

++++

So what's been going on with me these past few months?

Honestly?  I've been processing data.  I've been learning about grace.
I've been wrestling with grace.  I've been offended with grace and by grace.
And after working through cycles and cycles of this (and as I continue to), I've come to the conclusion that I'm desperate for it.
I've been so stuck in this ongoing lie that when I keep sinning in the same area of my life and have to keep asking for forgiveness, I'm somehow raping the grace God has given to me.  I've spent so much of my life judging people who use God's "grace" to justify their sin that I have condemned myself to that same judgement.  And to come face to face with the fact that God's judgement of my own situation was more gentle than mine... that He offered me grace when I offered myself none - it offended me.  Grace isn't fair.
Yet God's judgements are true.

So how does this work?

It works when you realize you need saving from yourself.  

You know.  I've grown up in the church.  I asked Jesus in my heart at 3.  I was baptized in the Holy Spirit at 12 years old.  I've ministered in many ways.  But I never had a moment where I knew I needed saved.  And I needed saved BAD.

I never had that moment, that is, until I got back from India.
A couple months of this wrestling led me to a face-plant in my front room floor, weeping as Jesus spoke clearly to my heart, "Sarah, are you better than your master?"

6 words crumbled my proud resolve and as I wept some of my most painful tears yet, the only thing I could think was that "This must be how it feels to get saved."

And that's when I realized ... I was. Just then, I "got saved".
And I wept that it took so long for me to understand it.  And I wept because God's timing is perfect and that it was His grace that allowed me to walk with Him until this moment.

Do I believe that a person can love God, walk with God, know God, learn from God and not be saved?  Nope.  But most people know Jesus as their Savior when they choose God back.
But remember?  I'm that weird one percent chancer.
And it just so happens that though I've been saved by grace this whole time, I didn't know I needed a savior the way I know I need one now.
So my life is a little backwards, no question about that.  But.  Nevertheless, my best friend Jesus revealed Himself to me as my Savior.  And now I get to add that to the list of names He's been revealing to me in His own way.

So that's one thing the Lord is doing in my heart on a personal level.

In my next post I'm going to explain how I came to the conclusion that God is going to send me to India again, next year.  But this time for 6 months!  :)  Stay tuned!

This Whole Waiting "Story" Thing

I'm not complaining. Nope. 

Because God is sovereign and has ideas and plans beyond what we can see. 
 But sometimes it's hard to watch others get picked first. 
 Sometimes it's hard to watch others be given things without a fight. 
 Sometimes it's hard to watch brothers and sisters be given the desires of their heart right when they ask for it or when they realize it.

  But you know what? 

Confessions of an Awkward Snow White

Dear Lord.

This is how half of my journal entries begin.  The other half choose different names for God.

"First can I tell You that I'm so tired of this needing to be brought before You over and over again?
Yet, I apologize because your Spirit softly rebukes my heart, "How can you measure where you feel you should be right now?  To what do you compare?  I the Lord judge the hearts of man.  Release it again."
God told me not long ago that He wasn't a girlfriend. He is God, and His friendship requires that I bring everything - over and over again - before Him even when I feel like 'I should be done with this by now.'" - 11-4-11

This is the nature of my personal journal - deep thinking, honest - God honest  - rawish material of a processing heart.

The reason why I shared a small excerpt from my personal thoughts before the Lord is simple:  this is where I was a year ago.  I was stuck, and the Lord was encouraging me forward to be faithful and persistent in the rut.  What I didn't know was that come the new year, the Lord would be launching me into a season of unwrapping.

The gift?  Myself.

Sound self centered?  Nope.  Quite the contrary.  Let me explain.

Trust That Love

"And so we know the love that God has for us, and we trust that love."  1 John 4:16

You know,  I was going to say its been a while since I've written, but the truth is, I've been through a LOT since the last time I wrote.  I don't even know if there's really a way to explain it, either.
But I'll try.  2 things: Where I am, and worship.

First thing:

I guess it all comes down to this:  Do I or don't I trust God.

I mean its as simply put as it gets.
Its the strangest experience:  I LONG to trust God ... will to trust God but every analyzing thought that picks my life apart into a billion pieces tells me that I'm obsessed with control.
And you know?  There's so many reasons I could give about it too.
I've been hurt.  I've gotten it wrong.  I've heard God wrong.  I don't want to do that again.  People suck.  My life sucks.  I suck!

And C'mon, nothing really sucks.  It only does when I lean on my own understanding and try to figure everything out.

Why can't God just surprise me with the life He wants me to live?
Why do I keep hitting this brick wall?
I've never been closer to the Lord.
I've never heard Him so clear in my life.
I've never understood so much of the scriptures.
I've never understood so little.
I've never trusted Him so much
and I promise!  I have never trusted Him so little.
I'm caught between accepting all the dreams and visions and longings that drive me and hating the very things that make me come alive.
Mostly because its hard to hope when you've been so disappointed in your life.

Back in the summer I wrote to the Lord,  "Maybe I've been using hope the wrong way.  I have all sorts of visions and dreams for every part of my life.  But coincidentally, just as much as they can't happen withOUT You, they won't look the way I thought they would WITH You, either."
Nothing else could have said it better.

I'm ready to fight again.  I don't care what it takes.  My HEAD knows that I will self-destruct my life and that God really has something wonderful for me.
My easily swayed heart insists that things will work out just as they have before - when I was 16 and thought I was hearing from the Lord.  A FLOOD of comparisons and past experiences swirl around and a deep hurt surfaces.  As much as my whole spirit longs to be united with the will of God, my heart refuses.  And I mean REFUSES to let go.
Its embarrassing that it keeps coming down to this!  But I'm done with this heart of mine. 
If it can't submit on its own,  I'm going to figure out why.  And I'm  GOING to get healed. 
No more waiting.  Its time for action.


Second thing:
Worship.

Something really hit me this week on a practical level and I'm excited to share it.
As a worship leader its inevitable that people will at one point or another be excited about what God ministered to them during a praise service and they'll feel compelled to share with the said worship leader about that experience.  Usually they exclaim simply that they love when that person leads worship or something of that form.  I've always wondered how one should respond to these kind of comments without making the commenter feel awkward and without taking the "glory" at the same time.

The Lord revealed to me today how utterly important it is for a person - and even more so, a designated leader to have a secret life with Him.  When a designated praise-leader steps up in front of a congregation and begins to give Jesus praise, they are essentially inviting OTHERS into their personal relationship with God.
If a praise leader doesn't have a close relationship with God, people will only be invited to go as deep as that person has. 
So how this applies to where I am (being point 1 of this entry.) I love the Lord.  I'm actively pursuing God with all my heart - even as very faulty as it goes at times, I've never been so full of praise for the Father before in my life.  I think this is mostly due to the fact that I'm facing the reality of my ugliness withOUT Him.  I'm being saved right before my very eyes - at this very moment - for something new.... now.   Wait.  Now.  No, now.  No NOW.
So when someone comes up and says, "I LOVE when you lead worship!"
Instead of feeling awkward and unsure of how to respond to what their words say, I'm finally beginning to hear that they really mean, "I LOVE going there.... I LOVE going where you go with the Lord."
And deep inside my heart the Lord is whispering to me, "I KNOW you don't feel qualified.  I KNOW you don't feel like you're worthy.  I KNOW you are unsure of your right standing with me at times.  ... But:  I LOVE when you go there with Me.  I LOVE going there with you.  And THEY do too and THAT is OKAY."

This - THIS is what the body is all about.  We - all going to our sacred places with the Lord - transparently sharing our hearts in true fellowship and communion, are spurring each other on to be one.  One with God and one with each other, with God.
And notice how I made the distinction between "Praise-leader" and "Worship-leader".
Worship is a lifestyle.  Praise is an action.
Praise is what we do on Sunday mornings with each other before the Lord..
Worship is where we're going and dwelling.

So as I praise the Lord - and as I go to that secret place which has been built on my history with Him - oh and also, as I do that in a public congregation - I become not only a leader of praise at that moment, but also a leader of worship - because I'm taking people to the most real place I know:  my place with God.  If this is done right - if this is done in full submission to the Spirit and done in the most humble, serving of ways, it will not "fill" people, but cause more awareness of their own hunger and thirst for a secret place where it is just them and God.  Its exhilarating - to be delightfully touched and entirely unsatisfied all in the same moment.
That is where the teaching comes in: you're not supposed to be filled on that Sunday morning for the rest of the week.  You're supposed to crave the presence of God by it. Its the one Good thing that you can never get too much of.  Its the one Good thing that transforms the untransformable into something beautiful. (And NO!  I don't mean Mega-tron turning into a Tonka Truck!)   Think dirt begin turned into a precious diamond.  Thing an agitating piece of sandish dust being turned into a prized pearl.  Only God can do these things.
Why SHOULDN'T we be fantastically excited when God allows us to experience the fragrance of the beauty He's working in the soul  of someone else with a heart just like ours?
And how insane is it that as a designated praise leader at my church, I'm not able to move beyond how NOT to think about everything with such a self centered mindset!
Dear Lord!  Center my entire self in You!
I have nothing Good  apart from You!

So that kind of shifted my paradigm a little.  


I apologize if this is disappointing to some of you. I AM self centered and I'm terribly young.  The good news is:  I'm growing and moving with God.  I'm not that good at it at times, but I  DO keep getting back up and running (or staggering) to the cross.  I'm finding that it's one of my most favorite places to be: in that shadow - eating the fruit of righteousness with great delight.  And the most startling thing of all is:  He sustains me still, and His banner over me is love.

Right now?  THAT is my good news.  I am a witness of this!  And its not over yet:  He's coming back.

"After all of the years, You're still here, You're still here.
After all of the time, there's still a smile on Your face.
You are so Good, You are so Good."

"Come near, O Burning One.  Come near, O Burning One.
Where can I run from You?  Where can I hide?
You're love has made an everlasting mark on my heart.

So fan the flame.  Fan this flame."

Anyway.  That's all I have for today.  Grace and Peace be with you all who love our Lord.

Over and Round About Again

I finally have my new song up!  I'm re-posting my blog entry from March so you can have the lyrics.  The song is located under "My Songs" tab on the top of this blog.  Read along!

ps:  the recording isn't that great since I didn't have time to put finishing touches, but at least its up for people to get a feel for the sound.  :)

3/19/11 

I just wrote a new song... I've very excited about it since it says everything I want it to... its just where the very core of my heart is right now.  Awesome, awesome stuff that  God can give you even when you don't deserve it.  And trust me... the things I've said to Him in the past 2ish weeks... I really, REALLY am learning His grace on a new level.  Forget being saved most of my life.  I'm being saved every day of my life.  And praise God for His gentleness and patience with me.  Maybe I'll see Him a little clearer this year.  I hope so.  Thank you to all my followers and for caring enough to read my little hearts rantings!  Hopefully we'll get the song recorded and up sometime too!
much love in Jesus,

Sarah Faith

Over and Round About Again
by muah
3-12-2011
Just when I felt good enough
my heart and words aren't matching up
I go from great to sinking deep
into the pits of my insecurities

And this is where I guess I learn Your grace
When I stop seeing myself and I seek Your face

And now You're moving me to grow
expanding Yourself to break down all I've know
I go from great to very small
submitting myself from not having feared You at all

And this is where I guess I work out my faith
And I'm tired of where I've been and its time for a change
And this is where I guess I learn Your grace
When I stop seeing myself and I seek Your face

Time to stop lying to myself
I confess my rebellion. God, I need Your help
I wanna lay down these plastic pearls
Open wide my heart, God, You've been faithful to this Girl
Open wide my heart God, You've been faithful

and this is where I know I learn Your grace
And this is where I know I'm tested in my faith
and this is where I know my testimony holds
when my word matches my heart and my faith's worth more than gold

Over and round about again
I'm a fool to think that this would be the end
So I'll cling to what You've said
When I see You as You are I'll be perfected
When I see You as You are...

Mercy, Mercy, Mercy

What a month this has been.
My heart has a lot being tossed around in it right now but there's a few things I've decided:

Well-meaning people  can tell me all they want what they think is best for me, or they can tell me that I should be careful about what I'm thinking or deciding is "for me" or "not for me", but it really comes down to one very simple fact: No one knows better what God is guiding me to do than I do.  And no one knows better then I do, the way He speaks to me.

With that understanding in my heart, I feel liberated to fully pursue what I must to bring glory to God.
I'd like to share an excerpt from one of my most recent journal entries about an epiphany I had that will change my mind-view forever.  Now that I'm thinking about it, I don't believe I've ever written any of my personal journal entries in here before!  So making new history in this blog which is seven years and running, here goes.

"This has to be my view - my attitude.  Regardless of how I benefit, Jesus is deserving of all glory, all honor and all praise.  Who do I think I am, expecting to somehow know every reason for why things don't always go my way?  Who cares, besides me?  My point exactly.  I'm so self-centered and I somehow think its my RIGHT to know what and why God lets things play out the way they do.  But here's ONE thing I can rest in: Whatever is happened  whether fair or not, whether just or not, whether explainable or not, whether logical or not, God is a very deliberate God.  EVERY thing will bow a knee to His voice.  He absolutely WILL get the glory in every situation, and He will do everything it takes to get the glory that is due to Him because in MY life, I owe it to Him.  He has been my salvation.  Therefore, it is not a sacrifice but a PLEASURE to suffer whatever affliction comes my way FOR the cause of the glory of God."

I'm being pretty transparent by sharing this thought with all of you - but I am not called to hide the human in me - I'm called to let God's glory shine through my weakness.

Here's the deal:  My desire is to walk in a way that is worthy of my calling.
However God chooses to make me holy as He is holy, I choose THAT way as well.
I'd be an idiot to think that God would allow me to feel comfortable all the time on this path with Him.

Coming back from my trip to IHOP-KC, I was met with 3 conflicts immediately.  3 conflicts that required 3 confrontations which - if ONE is uncomfortable for me, TRY 3 within a 24 hour period.
I'm not actually bad with confrontation, I just hate it, that's all.
As uncomfortable as it was however, the situations were taken care of in a matter of minutes or at the very most, a half an hour.  Why do I worry and get so uptight?
I just need to tackle each thing as they come.

There's so many things I need to process right now - but one thing I CAN say:  If there was ever a time where going somewhere else completely confirmed that where God HAS placed me is exactly where I'm supposed to be, its now.  And I'm so very glad that I have something to go by.

One other thing I know is going on right now:  I'm clearly in a place of waiting and in the waiting, watching.  It is so apparent to me at this point in my life that I would be ridiculous if I try to deny it.  People have said that MAYBE God has other dreams for me than what has been placed in my heart right now.  However, I am a firm believer that if that were the case, He would share a few of them with me so I could at least have a vision and run with it.
But He hasn't given me any other dreams.  He's only expounded on what has already been in my heart and added to that, has given me assignments for this present time.  Those assignments include all the components that make up my working life and so I fully intend on fulfilling God's desires for me in all of it.

But waiting - AH waiting!!  What a time of patience and humility.  What a time of the Spirit silently destroying the very way my mind has been resourcing my heart in expanding my knowledge of God.
The thought is overwhelming: I've been all wrong.  And not on a surface level, either.  My entire make-up - my entire human being is completely backwards in relating to the uncontainable God; and, in order to continue on the Journey I so deeply long to finish and to finish well,  everything I thought I knew and everything I believe I've learned must be undone.
Woe is me for I am RUINED! Because I am a man of unclean (impure) lips  and have a heart completely consumed with my own ambitions. (Isaiah 6:5)
All of it, in vain.  My eyes are just beginning to see the Lord of Hosts.  And every time I see Him better, all I've know prior, is undone.
Praise God for extending mercy to my heart and - (unbelievably added to that!), has also adorning me with grace to safely be changed into a person who reflects His Son, Christ Jesus.

This waiting thing is changing the paradigm of my very breathing existence.

While I watch my watch, could it be an idol?

And He came to the disciples and found them sleeping, and said to Peter, "So, you men could not keep watch with Me for one hour? Keep watching and praying that you may not enter into temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." - Matt. 26:40-41

What if what I call "waiting" is really an invitation to see.
I sing, "Open the eyes of my heart, Lord.  Open the eyes of my heart..." but then I complain because in my arrogant assumptions and inability to listen,  I've mistaking God's invitation to WATCH and wait with an invitation to  ONLY wait and then somehow feeling like I've been left behind.

I have been proudly marching around and demanding God's blessing and favor with the kind of ignorance of a workman on strike who hasn't done his research or talked to his boss to know what the real issues are - looking like a fool and exposed to the world when the legitimate truth is revealed that actually, the CEO has been silently at work on benefits and raises the workman couldn't of even dreamed of.  Instead of talking to the Boss and watch what He will do, I've been openly making God out to be small and opposite of all He has promised, and of all I have preached to others.  Double-minded and two-faced.

And yet - though I have been a fool, God still clumps me back together and begins molding me on the wheel again.
I have been softened some more.
What mercy.

Woe to me, for I have been undone.

I'm so glad God is undoing me in every part of my life, in every season of my life, and that He is faithful to complete and perfect me until the day of Christ's return (Philip 1:6) - where I will finally look like Him because I will see Him for all of who He is (1 John 3:2).

Maranatha! Amen!!!

The World of His Will: As Seen by Sarah, Today.

At the door of Will.

That is where I find myself these days. Its lovely. Its terrifying. Its where God has me.

I went back and read one of my own poems from about 4 years ago because when I thought of my first sentence for this entry, I could only think of being at the door of my own will.

And then, to follow that thought, the question lies in whether I'm entering IN to my own will, or if I am exiting. And the thought even proceeding THAT thought is: if I'm going in, is that wrong, or if I'm leaving, where AM I going?!


The thing is, we're already in our own will as human beings. Its when we are presented with a NEW will that we have to decide what we are going to do. But either you're stuck in the same old-same old of the room of your own will unless you choose something else: and THAT something else is the will of the Father.

So when I picture being at the door of will, I'm actually picturing standing at exit of mine, and on the threshold of His.


But to be honest, I KNOW I'm in His will. I absolutely do. What I've been having revelation of in the last few days is that EVERY DAY we find ourselves at the door of Will. Every DAY we can either choose our own way, or we can choose the way of the Lord. Every day we choose these things.

I love AND HATE how we go back to "start" every morning. I LOVE it for all the obvious reasons. I only hate it because my flesh desires the credit of yesterdays revelation.

But every day is new. Every day we start back at ground "0" and every new morning is an invitation to "ENTER" into the Will of the Father, which, contrary to my little secluded, one-tracked and single-roomed will, is a GALAXY of adventures waiting to happen!


I've always wondered what it felt like to be side-swiped by the Lord. What it might feel like if He took my word for it when I said I would need to be knocked upside the head with His spiritual 2 by 4's.

Hehe. Its intense. Its adventurous. Its .... dangerous. Its like walking a tightrope - exhilarating yet only done by grace. And its that grace that makes the tightrope like a four-foot wide board, in some regards.

But I find that as I step into this new season of my life, I'm stepping into an accepting of His invitation to live LITERALLY: ON THE EDGE. To walk a path where ANYTHING can happen. Absolutely anything! And to be shaken of the fear of my OWN desires which (though I had always worried would overwhelm other people) coincidentally, more so overwhelm ME than anyone else.

Wow.


I'm seeking His face. I want to know what it is to have God's words like fire in my mouth. I want to have such a deeply ingrained passion for the things and the Words of God that I can feel it in my bones - with every STEP and every move of the joints, that I would feel the passion of God's heart burning IN ME.

Ahhaaaaaah.

I ACHE for the day when faith shall be sight.

I ache for the day when my soul's imaginations of being in the arms of my Father are not only reality, but multi-dimensionally MORE real then what is tangible in this life time!

Oh how I ache for it!!!
And though I am called to all contentedness, I am also called to contend for that which is not seen.

But I want to see it.

I want to SEE the Will of the Father. Not just feel it.
I want to be a See-er in the spirit. I want to see and then to speak it.

Man. I'm not kidding. This is the deepest cry in my heart and it is worth saying no to a few meals and nice things to obtain it.

It is soooo worth it.

At the Door of Will
by Sarah Faith
2006
"You - you are Mine - come to Me."
Father, are You calling?
Silence - or was I really listening?
"You - come to Me - I chose you. Stand out from the rest."
Father, have You called me?
No, it mustn't be, for I am non for best.
"You - Child. It is you - chosen. You will complete My Will."
Father...is that You. God?
"Child! How I love you, come to me!"
Love - silence - will I choose to go or did I ever listen?
Waiting - stillness -pleading - longing - patience.
Will you choose to listen?
"I love you Child - for I stand at the door knocking.
Will you let me in?"

really... rather unfinished thoughts. thoughts though, nonetheless!

ahhhhh.

I'm not really sure what to say.

Fire.

Peace.

Restless.

Intercession?

Yes.


I was thinking earlier.

I forget how it feels to want your best friend to come with you somewhere. ANYwhere.
I'm used to being somewhere on the outskirts where I'm waiting out to see who can be trusted with the real parts of me - and you know what? I'm okay with it because I I've gotten used to feeling that way. But in the process - becoming slightly cynical of those around me.

God's heart is not that I would live like this.

God's heart is that we would find our soul's needs within HIM. But! Also, that we would, in faith, tell Him exactly what you're going to do and then with expectancy, WAIT. God's opening my eyes to this idea that asking in faith will actually get me somewhere. And I think I'm on to something! I think GOD is on to something. And I'm excited. FINALLY! A new revelation of FAITH. What is this namesake? What does this mean in my life?

It means GOD is moving me. God is moving IN me.

My heart is being stirred.

Faith provokes something of a child like innocence within us. It makes us into the heart of a child over time.

Here's the thing. We get stuck in this place where we realize what a screw up we are - and then we stay there. We feel like crap about it. But the deal is that - our sin isn't on us anymore! God knew I'd be a screw up. But there's this thing called Grace. And the amazing heart behind grace is that we'd be FREE from the sin that bound us up before.

But God revealed to me that in order to WALK in that grace, it takes FAITH. It takes faith to say to the Lord, "okay Lord, I screwed up. I'm messed up. Help me to get this thing right. I receive your grace in this area of my life."

And the Lord just keeps speaking "My grace is sufficient for you, for in all of your weaknesses, there I am strong." over my heart.

And FINALLY! I'm beginning to know it in my heart.

to KNOW it.


REALLY.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.