A Pilgrim's Process

Have you ever been in a season of your life where NOTHING goes the way you planned and EVERY way you thought you would react is absolutely not the way you end up reacting?
Or how about the one where you don't just wrestle with God all night long - but for MONTHS long?
Or what about the season where you almost welcome the ugly truth at any cost, just so there's finally some absolutes in the muddled mess of chaos that seems to be all-encompassing in the brain and heart part of your life?

Add those 3 examples up and stir in a few more - and you've got the season I've been in for probably the last 2 months or so.

I've had more midnight encounters with the Lord in the last 5 months than I've had in my entire lifetime.
I remember asking God to inconvenience me if it meant losing sleep at night.  I didn't know that the answer to this prayer would be accompanied by the turmoil I've been facing in my heart these past few months.

In a nutshell, I've been facing the all-too-real fact that apart from God, I can do nothing that benefits me or anyone else.  Not only that,

Those Midnight Encounters

Have you ever had those moments when you look at the clock, its past midnight but there's business you know you have to do with God?  Its those moments when your flesh tells you that you need 'so many' hours of sleep for your 'busy work day' ahead of you... which is busy EVERY day... But isn't God worth the lack of sleep for a day?

This week has been a major wrestling match with God.  I'm an analyzer. I don't get my heart.  I don't get my situations.  And what it really comes down to is:  I don't get God.  I've been praying and thinking and analyzing and round and round my thoughts go, trying to come to SOME conclusion that makes sense.  But nothing does, because I have a small and limited view.