First Kisses, Honor and God's Love

 "Love one another with brotherly affection; Outdo one another in showing honor." - Romans 12:10

Sitting back in a corner of my local Starbucks, I reflect on all the things that are delightful to me despite the chaos precariously whirling my little world upside down.
I'm sure you can relate.  For a moment I block out the hefty issues in front of me and choose to lean into the simplicity of ... the weather. No joke. 
I welcome thoughts of my favorite season gently riding in on the heels of late-summer's flat air thick with car-fumes, last minute barbecues and the frenzied preparations for the next school year. The coolness, the crispness, the pumpkins, the spices...the smell of bonfire smoke in my hair.
 I welcome those thoughts because it reminds me that the world doesn't revolve around me.  In fact - life goes on, and that is why I am where I am in this season - because its time to grow.

Before I go on, I want to share a story.

 Its not a very nice one and it most certainly doesn't make me look good.  But here it goes.

Those Midnight Encounters

Have you ever had those moments when you look at the clock, its past midnight but there's business you know you have to do with God?  Its those moments when your flesh tells you that you need 'so many' hours of sleep for your 'busy work day' ahead of you... which is busy EVERY day... But isn't God worth the lack of sleep for a day?

This week has been a major wrestling match with God.  I'm an analyzer. I don't get my heart.  I don't get my situations.  And what it really comes down to is:  I don't get God.  I've been praying and thinking and analyzing and round and round my thoughts go, trying to come to SOME conclusion that makes sense.  But nothing does, because I have a small and limited view.

Clear, open blue sky
high today is 99
God, don't pass me by.

Joseph and the starting of the book of Sarah's Proverbs.

Joseph
He got so screwed over - over and over again!  ...Yet...He ended up being a man who blessed a whole nation - his family AND His God.  Faithful, faithful guy.

Sigh.  Maybe I won't have my family bowing down to me... but thats okay.  I don't want that anyway.

I just want to know that what I've sown in love will not be wasted, thats all.

Once again, I know I'm writing a lot, but its awesome to just be free to write again... even if its not extravagant.

And ps:  I do have a new proverb - as Christian as I am - and as much as I love Jesus, I can say this very honestly:

Sarah's Proverbs 1:1 - Listen up, ladies (daughters) and don't ever forget this:  Just because you are a beautiful Christian girl and you love Jesus, doesn't mean you won't get screwed over in life by an a-hole at some point.  But it DOES mean God will grow you lots, if you let Him.  2. Thats why you need to guard your hearts, for it IS the wellspring of life... and you COULD die of heartbreak otherwise.  

I think someone should write a book about their "love-life" journey for the girls who love Jesus, don't really like the concept of dating around but don't live in a world where you're sheltered from all the "wrong Ones" out there.  Its just the truth.  Its hard to filter out who's real and who's not.  I'm not talking about a "how-to" book.  I'm just talking about a book where a real life girl gets hurt in REAL LIFE and still feels like she did what she felt God wanted her to do.
I of all people always wanted to marry the only person I courted, wanted to share my first EVERYthing with just him and have such an awesome, ideal, wonderful love story.  I'm so careful about who I feel might be worth my time if He's interested in me.  But... you can do all the right things... and still get the wrong end of the deal.  Wheres the book out there that encourages women like me?  I love Passion and Purity - but hey... honestly, I'm not praying that I have to wait 7 years to find out if God actually wants me and the man I love to be together or not!!!  Though... Elisabeth's point is both beautiful and very valid.

So... Joseph.   Got screwed over.  Many times.    But God used him BIG.
Maybe I have a small bit of hope yet.

...Calculated Chaos in the Midst of ... Peace?

My life has taken a few undetected turns since I last wrote...
But strangely enough, I'm not too alarmed.  There's so much going on with my family ... dare I share that I believe God may be restoring us?

My brother and my sister (my sister being gone and not around for a year and a half, my brother being gone for about 5ish/6ish months) are finding themselves back at home more and more often, and our family is receiving them with loving arms.  Last Friday, along a brave young man's request to pursue me, my family... my Family was all together for the first time in a year and a half.  My grandparents included... EVERYONE around the table.  ... Something happened in my heart that night.  It felt like home for the first time in a LONG time.

Vanity of Vanities - Thoughts of Thoughts

I've been thinking a lot.


Ecclesiastes says it so well, what I think, lately. "Vanity of vanities, all is vanity! What advantage does man have in all his work, which he does under the sun? A generation goes, a generation comes, but the earth remains forever. ... is there anything of which one might say, "see this, it is new"? Already it has existed for ages which were before us."

I've just taken to sitting back and watching things. And you know what I've found? I'm an extremely vain human being. Everything I do, has an underlying pursuit to make myself look or feel good, and I really can't do anything about it except continue to let God change me.

It blows me away. I spend money on things that I think will make me prettier, when that money could so easily go to allowing an orphan live a life - their idea of luxury being clean WATER.

Who am I?


Then, I continue to watch those around me.

We pursue so many things that we feel will fulfill us.

Men.
Women.
Money.
Sexual Fulfilment.
Dreams.
Power.
Twisted desires.
Gluttony on anything good.



Or maybe its just... little things.

A touch here.
Attention there.
Feeling wanted.
Feeling desired.
Getting our affirmation from those around us rather then God.


Living for the pleasure of the moment.



I'm convicted, to be honest.

There's a fine line between living IN the moment and possessing divine opportunity to choose to have joy in it, because one is living for God.

There's another to live for the pleasure of the moment itself.

And I wonder, when do we get off track?
Its certainly not a sudden, "bam, I've decided to get off-track" sort of deal.

Its always gradual. Satan knows we're not stupid. We're not going to fall for the obvious.

But His strategy is clear: get the frog in the pot of lukewarm water, and THEN put it over heat. Over time, the water will boil, and the frog will get burnt.

THIS is the strategy of the enemy. And this is how Christianity becomes dull and dead: when people are no longer Alive.


Tonight, I enjoyed myself, spending time with friends.
I noted how I found myself watching the couples around me, all in each others faces, and I could tell which ones had already been down the physical road, and which one's were still exploring the boundaries.
I felt like I was intruding, and yet, they were so public that it was hard not to catch SOMETHING.

Then I found myself at an ultimatum: Did I want something shallow for the pleasure of now, or did I want something REAL, and Godly and beautiful for later? Because its not that I have someone, and its not that I would ever go so far, but you know? It ALL starts when you've concluded in your mind that its OK. That its okay to settle. That easy pleasure is okay. That its okay just to date around. That its okay just to kiss around. That its okay to flirt around.

And you know what? In my little heart, its not.

This heart is for the Lord. This heart wants to do good by her husband all the days of her life : she wants his heart to safely trust her.


So I was just checking out NIV for something and I came accidentally across this verse - and my normal versions don't quite say it this way, but I believe this is probably the best said, of them all:

Proverbs 20:6, "Many a man claims unfailing love, but a faithful man who can find?"


WOW.


The contrast here? Hello: black and white.

One can say all they want, but when the rubber meets the road, how will the person follow through.


I would like to be a woman of my word.

When I say something, I want to mean it.
Its probably why I'm more hesitant to promise things, because I take my promises seriously. Its a covenant I bind myself to. And well I should.

So when I promise the Lord that I will not take hold of my love life, I cannot go back on it.


Love.


Life.



This: in its entirety, covers my whole relationship spectrum, from family to frienemies.


Integrity, I guess, is important.

Yet, integrity is rarely ever thought of anymore.

Vanity of vanities. All is vanity. There is so much emphasis on feeling good, and whats in it for me, and material and meaningless banter alongs.

I guess its great for connections, but what will be worth my time?

I told someone just the other day that I pray that every time they talk to me they'd be blessed about God, because if they weren't, there's no point in talking at all, really, is there?


I guess I could choose to be as rawly human as possible.

But I like to think I'm wonder woman and that I should get it right every time, the FIRST time around. I try not to cuss, I try not to get angry about stupid stuff, I try to be as patient as I can be - and then I get disappointed in myself when I can't accomplish it the first time, or the second.

But, it almost seems vain to stay that way and not try again.

Why would I take pride in looking like the rest of the world. I promised Him my life. Why would it be okay for me not to give it to Him 100% every single day?

Why don't I?

Why can't I?


"For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want." Rom. 7:19


Because... I can't, as long as I struggle with the very nature of my sinful flesh.



Sigh. Its so ingrained in us that sometimes I'm amazed by it. We're SO VAIN. WE DO think the song is about us. We DO think things are about us. We believe people think about us more then they really do, we think that it'll be okay if we look prettier, or more attractive to those we want to attract attention from.

I mean..


man.

You know what I find beautiful in a human being with such human traits?

Humility.

The one's who know that we're vain; that all is vanity and that we don't measure up to true selflessness.


I want this beauty. Not because it will glorify myself! But because my heart is inclined towards the things of Jesus and Jesus was humble.

I don't understand how He came down here and limited Himself to such a state.
Didn't the futility of dead-living drive Him crazy all the time? And yet His copasity of love must have driven Him more mad for His bride. How didn't He explode?


I'm just really humbled right now. I'm not perfect. I'm not wonder woman. I can't do anything right apart from God. And guess what - at this point? I'm clinging to that, and somehow, it brings peace into all of my chaos.

And yet, I so easily get swayed because of the outside stuff that catches my attention - the vanity of vanities... I'm just so glad the Lord never gives up on those who call on Him with all their hearts... I'm just really, really glad.


:)

Absence of Words... a glorious.... most torturous resort.

So there are both funny things and serious things going on in my mind right now. I guess I'll start with funny cause I want time to write about the stuff that is more thoughtful.


First!!! THIS is funny:

1. "I'm your biggest fann!!!!!!!1!1!1!!1111!!!!!ONE!!!11!!!!11!!!!one!!!!"

2. "OF COURSE I know enough about Hawaii to be a tour guide! “This is a beach. Flirt on it. This is the ocean. Flirt in it. Here are some palm trees. Flirt under them. This is your snazzy hotel room….I’ll let you two figure it out from here…That’ll be $10,000 plus a handsome tip.” And the rest I would just google a minute or two before the tour…" -MW

3. Its the Beaver's life for me... I just got damned things going on everywhere!
--my best friends grandma

4.Sharin: YOU are full of bologna, Sarah.
Sarah:....... no, *pause*...I'm full of guts!


5."Steak makes everything better. After all, if we're eating animals, then we're not eating people. And if we're not eating people... thats a good thing!" - Me (yes, I occasionally find myself funny)


6.I saw a man pursuing the horizon;
Round and round they sped.
I was disturbed at this;
I accosted the man.
"It is futile," I said,
"You can never -"
"You lie," he cried,
And ran on.
- Stephen Crane



7."...you may find me fat, but you will find me, very easily, you will find me." -- part of a poem out a cute "101 poems to get you through the day" sort of book I looked at in Barnes and Nobles

8.Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye. - Miss Piggy



9. When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap. - Cynthia Heimel (not entirely what I would call funny, but since this seems to be the the theory of my life, I thought it fit well.)

10. I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much. - Mother Theresa (oh, to relate to the complaints in many of us. hehe. I chuckled at this one.)



And just so you know, many were copied and pasted. I wouldn't go through the trouble of writing these out here as my little coffee shop hang out will be closing soon. Some of these sayings seem to sum up my life and its pretty funny. What else can you do? Nothing. I'm probably one of the most awkward people I'll ever know. The grand part of all of this? Here's seriously the secret: I pretend like I MEAN to be awkward all the time so that it doesn't make any difference when I really DO feel absolutely awkward.


Misfit.

I've been thinking alot about this word lately.

I really am one, aren't I?
I mean, I've known this for quite a while. But I guess you get reminded when you're submitted into a new clan of people.

So I was talking to some girls about some of what I believe. I don't know, its great to hang out but you don't really know them until you get to.. well... know them.

I'm a misfit.

Hah, I was talking about how I think I may scare some guys in small group and I don't know but something was said that made me think a little.

Maybe I'm a "little too much for guys but you know, in a good way."

AHha. The age old phrase in my head. No one's ever actually said that to me, before now. Well, in no particular terms, I've been sort of told that all my life. I'm too much to handle (hello, and who gave anyone permission to handle me?) I've got too big of a personality, too big of a laugh. Too intense. Too bold. Too upfront. I give too much away of who I am.
I'm too deep sometimes. Too much. OR or, here's the other one, I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough, not pretty enough not smart enough not womanly enough not girly enough not tomboyish enough just... not enough.
But mostly its that I'm too much.

Now I understand that God is just totally moving me around for which I am quite grateful! To not initiate everything all the time, including pursuing the desires I have for full time ministry.

I need to let God do it all in His time and I need to do what He has me to do NOW, and He'll bring the opportunity as it comes, but I'm not to MAKE it happen.

Too much though...

I know it wasn't meant to hurt me, but I guess it just hit me in a really deep place some where that goes back to the time where I was about 8... "Sarah, you laugh too much. AND really loud. Its just too much." hah, I remember that first "too much" very very well. I was 8 or 9. I'm nearly 20 and I still check myself to make sure I'm not laughing too much or too loud.

I KNOW that's not how God sees it, I really do! But this is just a different sort of thing. Its a place where, along with my difficult acceptance of being a misfit, has been something I've faced all my life.

Too much.



But then I'm filled with peace.


Right here, is where Jesus meets me.

He knew so much. He saw so much. He WAS too much for everyone to handle.
Who can handle God? No man.

He never fit in, in fact, He brought other misfits to fit in with Him.
Do you know - this is a hard concept for a child to get their head around. I was no exception. How do you tell your kid who can't make friends ANYwhere that God has called them to stick out? I'm not sure you can. My mom used to tell me all the time that I shouldn't try to fit in, but she didn't understand either when I cried and cried in her arms when I came home from an event.

I wonder if Jesus felt that way as a child. I wonder if He wondered if there was something wrong with Him? My childhood is a memory. I remember being brilliantly creative. I have since then become much more dull. But oh, I was a cool kid. I just wish I could have been able to come along myself really, the things I could tell myself! The hugs I would give... I would cry great tears as I held this child.

I wonder if thats why Jesus came. So that He could reach the misfits. I think thats it. I think I just hit it on the head. He became a man because He wanted to show us that - oh, the hugs He would give. Oh the great tears He cries as He holds each child. And then I wonder, even then did He hold me? Do His tears change for my age? I hope not. I think He knew who I'd become. And I think that's why He can love us no more then He already does - because He KNOWS us. When He knew me at 3, saying yes to Jesus in my baby voice, He knew the same me at 18, saying yes to Him again. When He knew my wholly romantic heart at 15, He knew me when I will be 56, fully enthralled, hopefully, in the Love of God.

The misfit, through and through.

I went to Ihop Cleveland last Saturday and 2 young women approached me and asked me if they could pray for me.

Then they began to speak of me being called to be a voice in the wilderness, making ready the people of God.
SLAM. My heart broke. That's it. That's why I'm here. I'm SUPPOSED to be on the outside.

Something else, as well here - People will be drawn to the wilderness because of who I am - the "too much" that apparently I have is exactly the thing God wants to use to draw people unto Himself.

The grand thing of it all? These girls told me that I need to remember though, that I can't worry about moving the hearts of man. Another slam. I knew this was for me.

I just need to worry about moving the Heart of God - because that is my greatest glory - His Love for me. And He'll do everything else.

God, thats AMAZING. You know? He DESIRES all that is too much for man, because it wasn't MEANT for man. It was meant for God - and all of a sudden, my "too much" becomes exactly His portion from me. Its all that He desires. Its enough for God.


crap, guys!




We've been getting wrong for so long!!

If Starbucks Advertised Like the Church, They'd Look Stupid.

This video is funny souly because of its irony. Starbucks doesn't advertise. By word of mouth and by the success of their company, they ARE the best coffee shop in the world. Yet the church feels they need to advertise God? Serve God, and they will come. Sigh. The truth behind this video kills my spirit that hopes for the Church. But it hurts just enough to define my heart for people just a little bit more: They come because they want coffee. If it wouldnt work for starbucks, what makes us think it'll work for a church service?



Hmmm.

An Unquenchable Heart of Worship

So... For ISOM we have to read a book every 4 weeks and I've read a few great books that really helped me out.

But I have to say, I think I found my favorite.

Its not a self-help book like the rest of them... its a book about the heart of worship, touching up on the different postures one has before the Lord.
I was more blessed by this book then any I've read in a long time, and I think its because Matt Redman GETS IT. A heart of worship isn't because you have an ear and a talent for music! Its a heart position. Its a thing of the heart.

He first talks about the unquenchable worshipper - it talks about how this worshipper is one who will not be extinguished. He could go through hell fire and brimstone and it wouldn't matter, because His praise would continually be on his lips.

Something that this part insinuated was that... you can almost see the beauty of God MORE through the hurts, the pains and the sorrows... because the more pain you go through, if you lean on the Lord, the greater His beauty is.

"Though overwhelmed by many troubles, they are even MORE overwhelmed by the beauty of God."

This is ... so admirable. So honorable. This sort of pushing through isn't something that says, "I'm okay, really. Nothings wrong!" but rather says with humility, "I am NOT okay. But I don't care. Just because I'm not okay doesn't mean that He doesn't deserve my praise. I will worship Him ANYWAY."
wow.
this attitude is such an offering unto Jesus.

my favorite quote here is by B.W. Anderson (and if you're a musician, you'll appreciate this even more):

"The laments are really expressions of praise - praise offerings in a minor key in the confidence that Yahweh is faithful."

A second posture is that of an undone worshipper. You'd think it was talking about how God so sweetly brings you to your knees, but its not really like that.

This also hits such a core with me (as do all of them, so I may just get it out of the way right now and tell you that each one of these postures are near and close to my heart.) The undone worshipper... is humiliated in the presence of a Holy God. They are put back into their place. They thought they were something and found that those somethings were really offensive to God - pride, little attitudes that brew up inside of our hearts that we don't see until its exposed by the light of His glory. And so, we may fight it or we may not, but an undone worshipper throws up his hands and cries out in ruins, "OKAY LORD! I QUIT! Here I am! I surrender!"
Its painful, but it hurts SO GOOD. To finally give in to the Lord? There's nothing so freeing then to just let it go!
You cannot be a true worshipper unless you are brought to the end of yourself and allow yourself to be humbled in the sights of a Holy King.

As Fancois Fenelon said so wisely (can't we just soak in this wisdom?): "

All our falls are useful if they strip us of a disastrous confidence in ourselves, while they do not take away a humble and saving trust in God."

This next posture just blows me out of the water: this is something the Lord is really working in my heart about, and if you let Him, He'll work in yours as well...

Undignified worship. I like to call it "Awkward Worship" because that's what it is: awkward. God's really been pushing me into an awkward state: invictus. having an uncomfortable spirit... being uncomfortable in worship - being so awkward that I CAN'T say that I did a polished job and that the only thing I CAN say is, "well... it wasn't for the people anyway... It was for God."

God has been bringing me to this point a LOT lately... its REALLY awkward. Did I say that?! Because I've never felt this awkward since 7th grade! But that's okay - "True worship always forgets itself" and true love never counts the cost.
I'm learning that in order for me to trust the Lord the way He wants me to, I need to stop counting the cost, and allow Him to shake me and change me and make me totally uncomfortable in such a way that the only thing for me to do that IS comfortable.. is to seek His face and worship Him with a whole heart.

The unpredictable worshipper is one that shakes the church... THE Church, and thank the Lord for the ALLOWANCE of unpredictable worship. This chapter was based off of the woman who washed Jesus' feet with her tears. It said,

"It was the act of a woman who had not been tamed by cynical religious attitudes...it was the worship of a woman who didn't know the rules - an unpredictable untamed heart on a quest to see Jesus glorified."

WOW.


Here's the truth that makes me want to WEEP because it says truth so beautifully - Religion must never be allowed to dampen romance.

This truly goes along with undignified worship... with awkward worship. It needs to not know the "rules" sometimes. It throws people off... but it brings them to a REALITY that God wants RAW and REAL, not polished and plastic.

We need to lose the politically correct term of saying "I'm a worship leader" and start saying the truth... "I lead Worshippers".


The Unveiled Worshipper is risking a LOT and yet, that's how it should be: Allowing God to open you up completely to Him... and making you completely vulnerable to Him and to the intimacy He wants with you.
to be unveiled is to be clean and completely trusting...
and what Matt starts to talk about is when you DO COME CLEAN, you realize the need to present yourself as holy and acceptable to Him as possible. We wouldn't wear ripped jeans and a T-shirt to meet the president, would we? How much MORE should be prepare ourselves to come before the King of the Universe?!
He is HOLY. Yes! I can bring myself just the way I am, but If I've TRULY encountered God, I COULDN'T go back to being the same!! I WOULD KNOW I've encountered Him because I WOULD try my best to TURN from the things that hurt Him and present myself to Him beautiful, holy. Pure!


The Unstoppable worshipper is a BOLD worshipper. I think this intimidates people because Christians take this and forget that being an unstoppable worshipper is NOISE unless it is coupled with humility and love. This is close to the unquenchable heart except that THIS posture is turned more outwards to be an example to others. This is the evangelistical heart - not being stopped by little hindrances but being adventurous and creative, stepping out to talk to people about what the Lord has done. Notice that this doesn't have to do with music. This has to do with being a WITNESS for Christ. Witnessing is worship. What is true worship when you praise the Lord on Sunday and then stay silent at work on Monday? The unstoppable worshipper praises and serves the Lord 24/7. They never stop! THAT is what we should strive for! This is what I need to be doing a better job of.


THIS one... this one is my heart in its truest sincerity:
to be an unnoticed worshipper.
Who cares about being up on stage? Who cares about who's watching and who's not...
to offer up worship... as quietly - as privately as possible is what my heart longs to do.

And to be honest, I've been doing a terrible job. Its hard when you're up on stage to not put on a show... Gosh... its REALLY hard. You HAVE to lead them... and you forget that YOU'RE there too... you know?
A true leader of worshippers needs to be devoted in the secret place... when no one else is there. The test for those won't be about the excellence of a played song, or the cleverness of written words, but the integrity.. the godliness of the person leading.

Once again I quote Francois Fenelon who said "make yourself little in the depths of your heart."

CHEW. chew. swallow.
bring it back, chew some more. Chew again. Let it sink in. WOW.

Its in the secret place that counts. How I am convicted.


I am. Right now, I am convicted. I have neglected the Lord. Why? He's given me no reason to! Why? Because I suck, that's why.


The second to last one is... the Undivided worshipper.

This talks about not being distracted. OR being a distraction. For me, this really convicts me about the opposite sex. Am I distracting THEM from the Lord? Are they distracting me? What about work? Am I so busy that I have no time to give God?
is it what I can escape to and pretend that like that's why I couldn't love the Lord like I should?

WOW guys. WE REALLY DO SUCK.

The day I struggle with thoughts about guys is the day I've taken my focus off of God.

its true. I KNOW God doesn't want me to focus on that right now. I KNOW He hasn't revealed a guy in my life. So I KNOW it isn't Him who is giving me thoughts to confuse my focus.

I need to have an undivided heart! It doesn't mean that the things that are distracting me are in themselves a bad thing, but the FACT that they ARE distracting me means that I need to set myself some guidelines and boundaries for my MIND and focus on the Lord. We need to worship Jesus louder then the noise of distractions sometimes... and WOW is that a hard thing to do. "To obey is better then sacrifice".

You can serve serve serve the people around you, but never actually take the time to seek His face.
He calls His disciples unto Him! You may THINK your sacrifice of service is enough, but you're disobeying the call of God. You're being disobedient. We need to remember... There are OTHER servants to do that job... for now, we need to just sit at the feet of Jesus, and take some time with Him.


the last posture of worship is that of an Unsatisfied worshipper. When you begin to understand the necessity of the presence of God and the joy that is found IN it, the world just doesn't cut it anymore. Its dull and shallow and dim in comparison.

The unsatisfied worshipper GETS IT. He gets that he'll never be satisfied until he gets to the thrown-room of God where true worship will be TRULY fulfilled!

With that world-view, NOTHING looks the same anymore! This place isn't our home! This food isn't even close to the feasting on the EVERY word of God we'll be entitled to in heaven! The riches here won't even COMPARE to the Glory of the common ROADS we walk upon in heaven the same way we walk upon concrete! We can't be satisfied any other way except when the presence of GOD is manifested more and more in something. That's the only way we'll even be able to be OKAY with something anymore!


I am so... convicted by this little book.

This is where my heart should be. Is it? CHH. No.
It needs to be though.

wow.


(wanna go back and count how many times I said that expression over and over again?)


I dunno. That's all I got for tonight folks.

a Jesus generation

I've decided we're not real enough with anyone.


I've decided that we're really high on ourselves a LOT. I wish people would see this because I think a lot of the time the older generation of Church is so focused on trying to be righteous before God that they forget that the younger generation needs direction too.


You can't just force something to be when its not! Its a process to get to a place of such perversion, its going to be a process to become right before God!


Just because you're doing a great job doesn't mean others know how too!


I think the Church assumes that young people are just going to pick up on this, but the problem is that we tell people what NOT to do, and oops! We forgot to tell them what we're actual human beings too. So we're fakers. We brush things under a rug and either rape grace for what its worth OR pretend that we're not struggling at all.


Then you've got these young people who see right through it and want nothing to do with it because no one's really willing to

a. keep it real and admit that no matter how old you are, you struggle.


and


b. remember where you came from.



I know, a lot of people say, "yeah, but I'm forgiven for that and thats in the past. So lets forget about it."


Yes, you may be forgiven, but don't think God doesn't want to use that! Your biggest hurt, your biggest struggle, your biggest regret, IS your greatest ministry to people.


They need to know that even the most christianeze people struggle with every day things.

Its the only way people relate!


Its the way Jesus relates to us.

Don't think for one moment that Jesus was never sexually tempted, or that He never had steamy thought run through His head.

You know what made Him perfect? He knew how to grab it and cast it at God's feet, taking every thought captive and choosing to not dwell on those things.


He saw the bigger picture, so it wasn't a match for what His purpose was on the earth. But the point is that there is NOTHING that He hasn't had to deal with.


He was transparent with His guys. He taught based on how He knew people would understand.


Of COURSE He understood why He was there and what He was about to do, but no one ELSE did, so He taught on the terms that they would understand: Stories.


Thats how we should teach as the Church: we need to teach in a way that not only grasps people's attention, but also create personal relation between the story of the cross and the heart of the person.

We can't just expect people to be attracted to something they're not attracted to.


You know what the most timeless thing that will attract anyone in the world at any given time in the history or future?



Love.



simple as that.

They will know us by our love.


If you have it in your heart, it'll come out in all you do.



Love.



The more Love you have, the more people you'll attract.



The more God you have, the more you have Love.



The more you really love people, the more you'll upset your invironment and circle of influence - not negatively, but spiritually.



Seeds are planted, hearts are stired, minds are wreeling.

Curiosity sets in, questions are asked, you let the Son shine.

A passion is awakened, a respect is gained, more thoughts are stired.



its about meeting people where they are, not afraid to get your hands dirty, though wise enough not to allow your heart to be palluted.



Jesus gave His hand to the prostitute to lift her up.

He spit in the sand and put mud on a blind man's eyes.

He called a tax collector to be His companion.

He spent His time with a sailor with a big mouth.

They didn't influence Him, rather, they walked away, never to be the same.


Why? Because He truly loved them.


Not because He talorated their sin, but because He loved their heart.

Because of that, they walked away from their sins.

They followed Jesus.



The generation of today will walk away from their sins if the Church will love them enough to LOVE them like Jesus. To know them like Jesus. To show them grace like Jesus.



Are we up to it?





I gotta say:





we're not doing it if we're on myspace 24/7.

or when we're taking stupid surveys.

or when we're pining over who's our next crush.

or when we're gossiping with our friends.

or when we're writing a blog a day.

or when we're taking pictures of ourselves all the time.

or when we're busy gratifying our laziness.

what an oxymoron.



I write this because I'm doing it. I'm going to do it. I have been doing it.





And I'm writing this to challenge you:



How many people have you witnessed to about what God's doing in your life in the last week?

In the last month?

since the start of the new year?



Now think of how many people you have contact with a day.



Are you doing your part in being the church?


Are you loving people?


Are you worshipping God loudly with your life?


Or are you too busy loving yourself?


And is that love at all? Because that sounds like selfcenteredness to me.


And I gotta tell ya,


faith without love?







Its noise.



Its loud loud noise.








"You can fake a lot of things, but you can't fake the fruit of your life."

My Concensus on the Purpose Driven Life - from one who once despised the idea of reading it.

The Purpose Driven Life

By Sarah G

10/1/07
revised 10/7/07

So I must say, I was proud about not reading “The Purpose Driven Life” all through out high school. What’s funny is that the first book I was handed in the beginning of this internship was the one I took pride in never reading! I’ve been humbled quite a bit however, and God truly prepared my heart for it.

First, on a humorous note, Rick Warren hit his peak when he said, “God made ants to be ants and you to be you.” You can’t touch that!!

The first third of The Purpose Driven Life mainly focused on beginner Christian content.
It was hard to get interested in the book until my attention was caught in Day 17, when it started talking about finding one’s place in the Body of Christ. That really stuck out o me and it began to help shape my understanding of what the Body should be to one another – REAL.

There was a whole section on forgiveness and how God expects it to be immediate, though He doesn’t expect or even encourage trust right away; and I can tell you right now, it was encouragement I needed to hear in my life. Warren talked about how to love people even after they’ve hurt you, and how to go about showing them the love of Jesus without becoming a doormat to more pain. Just the idea that I am at this exact place in my life where I needed to read this, shows God’s unbelievable faithfulness over and over again.

Reading on from this point, the book goes into how to approach and confront fellow believers in your church family, and that if you are to do anything, it must always be done in love. Situations I’ve been in where people thought they had a right to confront me about something that was NOT a sin in my life and correct it, has put me in a place where I absolutely believe in being in Love (God) before speaking into someone’s life, using the right of “Siblingship” as the means to do so. Whenever this happened to me, I would walk away feeling dejected and depressed. That’s not right, and in fact, it’s wrong. This whole part of the book put into words what I’ve been struggling with inside of me; and I always felt crazy, like I’m the only one dealing with this sort of thing. Am I the only one who tries to forgive with her whole heart, but struggles over that pain caused, over and over again? Am I the only person who finds herself forgiving that same offence as many times as it plays over and over again, through painful memory?
I’m NOT!! I’m a normal person! Jesus, Jesus was a normal person. I’m not crazy.

I LOVED how the book dug into REALITY and how the truth is, its hard to love people. It’s hard to be selfless, and yet we try anyway. Why? Because we’re attached to the believers forever. I love the analogy of the blood family – you hate them, you love them, you mistreat them, you bless them, but you gotta make it work because you’re related them, you’re stuck with them, and really, because you love them.

Another favorite part of mine started in Day 23 – Growing up, and how we grow. It talked about growing up spiritually and why it matters so much, and it does! I’m not even sure how to explain how blessed I was by this message. “The Purpose Driven Life” emphasized on always needing to grow up in the Lord by “working out our salvation with fear and trembling”. It went on to talk about how we need to change our mindset – what (or how) we think shapes our life.

Change became the focal point of the book at this revelation, and things really hit close to home when Warren talked about how we try to do things in our own will-power which only results in short-term results. This really began to speak to my heart as I began to realize that I depend a LOT on my own will-power by default! I’m finding that I’m terribly immature, spiritually, which in all truthfulness means selfishness and self-seeking. I don’t know what else to say except that the Holy Spirit convicted my heart in an awe-full way.

By Day 25, Warren began to touch the topic of letting truth transform you and ALSO letting troubles shape who you are. It seems that every topic this book targeted was EXACTLY the topic God wanted to speak to my heart about at the exact time I read it. The fact that I can’t get over this truth runs right into what the book was saying at this point about how God allows certain things to happen to us for specific reasons. This section turned out to be somewhat of a pep-talk. It talked about how to take hurts as they come and what to always keep in mind when you’re going through them: God’s got a bigger picture in mind. It really holds high the building of character through all the issues we face, and I’ve begun to ask myself if maybe I’m looking at things the wrong way in my own life.
What blessed me most was the overall message that said, “When you allow yourself to be refined by your trials, people will see Jesus’ reflection in you.”

From that point, the book flowed into how to deal with temptations: physical, mental, emotional – all spiritual. It reminds us that God takes His time with us, and how the people that God used in the past had major issues in their lives. But if we’re willing, He’ll go through those major issues in our lives WITH us, as He did with them, by allowing us to be challenged in our faith. Our biggest hurts and pains? His biggest source of ministry through us.

The next section was all on servanthood which just convicted my spirit of my self-seeking ways: even when I think I’m being servant-like, I’m really just doing it because I feel good about myself. What about the times I won’t and I don’t feel good? Will I still hold fast to being a bond-servant to Jesus Christ? I didn’t even know how deep this issue runs into everything I am!! But God allowed me to see this, through the words written in this book, and even in this rebuking of the soul, I am blessed.

The LAST part talked about the Great Commission and spreading the gospel. I’ll admit, I kind of skimmed over the last 2 days since they were just conclusive in their content.

All in all, “The Purpose Driven Life” was good because I needed to read it. It wasn’t the most amazing book, it wasn’t the most horrible either. But truth be told, it’s not about that. It’s about what God did in my heart as a result of going through it, and THAT result is eternal. I’m glad I read it.

I'm back again.

wow...

I know I have not really written in a long time, but you know how people go through periods where they write alot and then they don't for a while?

yeah. Thats how its been for me.


I am going to say something:

God has been bringing me back to the basics of what His grace and mercy has to offer me.

It is no secret that I struggle with one form of pride or another. But what God is showing me... well... my pride would call it shallow to my own oppinion.

But God is telling me that this is just as if not more so important than all the deep thoughts that I ever think about and as I get into this, my friends I AM SO COMPLETELY humbled.

God is just molding my heart right now.

To be honest, I've been unable to write for numorous of reasons. But one of those reasons is that everything I've been learning I have had no words to discribe.

I've been going back to the basics.

Its so weird because this is such a new place in my life, and I need to go over the founding stones that keep me upright before my Jesus so that I can now apply each one to these new situations that are thrown at me.

but I'm ready to get my life in order. and I have been doing that. I am learning that I need to be repenting every day! I need to TAKE His mercies every morning and living in peace with the fact that GOD IS RUNNING my life, not me. He is just showing me how to stand on my own two feet with my standards and my boundries. I never knew I could be shaken, but now that they're being tested, God and I can work out the glitches and yeah, I screw up, but each time, God gives me more courage, more of His strength to say, "No. I can't do this." Or "No, don't cross this boundrie" or "No, I don't think its God's timing" and STANDING on it even when I know it hurts.

guys, I'm breaking out.

I'm done fitting into a mold that everyone has me in.

YES, I'm crazy.


but I want something new.

do you know what God showed me that was?!







a new starting line to a new race.



You know what I have to say to those of you who think I'm going shallow?



judge not, and you shall not be judged.



I am just so amazed that God is pacient enough to show me everything over again.. everything that I should have learned when I first accepted His gift when I was 3. But he's taking me to this new level of living EVERY DAY, the kind of day that you go about living without really thinking, for HIM, and for doing it unto Him, and doing in the FREEDOM of Him.

1To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

2A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

3A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

4A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

5A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

6A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

7A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

8A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.


Eccl. 3:1-8

There is a time for everything. Right now, God is showing me this. THIS is such a perfect example of the simplicity that God is showing me.

I will abide under the wings of the Highest One. Yes, though I may slip out from under His protection, and though I might run out from underneath His covering at times, I know that He is always there, watching close behind, quietly calling my Name. "Princess of Faith. Come Embrace My Heart, dear Child. My mercies are new every morning. Repent. You are Mine."


God, it is so beautiful. thank you.

I'm forever greatful to You. and I'm forever greatful to the cross.

God, you are SO beautiful. You are so simply Wonderful. I wish I knew the language of Heaven to explain to You how much You are to me.