Showing posts with label time. Show all posts
Showing posts with label time. Show all posts

A Heart of Rest


Rest.

  Have you ever met anyone who was entirely chill with themselves?
You know, the kind of person who you instantly trust.  They don't have any fire walls or reservations.  You know without a lick of doubt that who they are in front of you is who they are.  There is nothing to prove.  There's no need to prove it if there was.  They may not even know themselves fully (then again, can you ever, really?) but they're okay with that because to the extent that they do know themselves, they are at rest with it.
  This idea of being "at rest" becomes more distinct if we add a new factor to the mix; Sex.

Sex: the differences between whether that person is male or female.
Suddenly, it becomes a little more personal.  A man who is at rest within himself reflects the glory of true masculinity.  Likewise, a woman at rest with herself mirrors the truest forms of femininity.  And, clearly a person at peace with who they are is considered beautiful, even within society's standards.  Not for any outward reason, of course.  But for the very fact that who they are draws forth who we dream -  even long to be.  You don't just want to be a man, you want to be a picture of masculinity with purpose and vision attached to it.  You want to be someone worth following.  I as a woman don't just want to be girly, (or NOT girly, for some) I long to be accepted within all the attributes of my feminine being.  Neither sex desires to be shamed for what they desire to be.

hearts are pounding.

She's on to something.

  Now add God into this bag of stirring thoughts.
No, no.  Not the God you think I'm talking about.  Get your version or your perceived idea of who God is out of your head.  He's bigger than your mind.  He's bigger than mine.  We think we've got HIM down?
He's got all men, all women, all children - every heart, every hair, every thought - from the beginning of time until its end - memorized and He calls each person by name.  People are always telling God who He is. Those who say they're His, those who say they're not.  All of the people in between.  But only He would know.  And how could we ever?  We're like a breath and we're like a vapor.  We're here and then gone just as quick as we inhale and exhale.
  Yet...
not only does this God take the constant scrutiny and speculation of people who lack experience of truly knowing Him fully, (and that counts for those of us who're working on a lifetime of knowledge) and not only can our accusations of His character not effect who He knows and shows Himself to be, (Um hey.  One of His names is the Prince of Peace.  Eh?)  He also takes care in fashioning us in a way that makes us long for something beyond ourselves.

Nothing material.

Just simple.

Rest.  Peace.  Trust.  Child-like and worry-freedness.
"Those were the days," some of us reminisce.
"Oh, to be young again," some of us even say.

Its a familiar ache inside our worn and battered hearts that never quite goes away.

  I've been pondering this thought for over a month now.
I'm 23.  I'm young enough that I've "still got time", but old enough to know that my time is quickly flying by, (or is that me?)  If I'm wise enough, I would also know that time is too heavy of a responsibility and it isn't mine to hold; AND that I shouldn't waste it, especially if it isn't mine.
If I know the word of God, I know THE time is drawing near and IS here and that one hesitation of living in it fully (disobedience, ultimately) could reroute me into taking the longer way OR could result in me living a life lesser than God's best for me.
What is God's best for me?
Knowing mercy.
Walking in grace.
Knowing true Love and real kindness.
Living an abundant life.
Knowledge of my identity in Him.
Rest.
Peace.
Walking by faith.
Partnering with Him in His glorious plan to restore whole beauty to the earth, starting with these stubborn creations of His called humans.
Yet He calls them to be a people after His own heart.

I call humanity stubborn because they know the stories yet they refuse the truth.  They refuse the truth because its too good to be true.  Things that are too good to be true are rendered as fairy tales.
Yes.
Fairy tales.
And fairy tales? 
Those are for children.

 But isn't it the children we are jealous of, what with their free-spirits and child-like faith that everything will turn out okay?

Notice I didn't use  the word "envy".  For envy is something that isn't ours that we wish we had.
"Jealousy" on the other hand is something that SHOULD be ours, and isn't at the moment.


Thus says the LORD: "Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls. But they said, 'We will not walk in it.' -Jeremiah 6:16

Stubborn, that is what we are.  I imagine humanity as a 13 year old teenager who, no matter what the parent says, will indeed choose the opposing side - even if what the parent is saying is entirely right and beneficial and could EVEN possibly appeal to the youngster.
Its the nature of the beast.  We want what we want.  And we naturally don't want God.
Naturally.  Supernaturally on the other hand means its a miracle - and that's where salvation comes into play.


  At that time Jesus declared, “I thank you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that you have hidden these things from the wise and understanding and revealed them to little children; yes, Father, for such was your gracious will.   All things have been handed over to me by my Father, and no one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and anyone to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.   Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."  - Matthew 11:25-30 (emphasis added)

So we know that we can only know the Father IF Jesus decides to reveal Him.  How does this tie into rest?  What IS that?  Well. Jesus says to learn from Him because He is gentle and lowly in heart.
 FYI, there is no one so low that Jesus cannot serve.  And, He's gentle with OUR hearts, because He's lowly in His. Jesus ALSO said in John 14:9 that whoever has seen Jesus has seen the Father. Oh.  So that means that God the Father is  gentle and lowly in heart too.

 For me, rest for my soul means - knowing who I am, being at peace with it and being free to just... be me.  -Free from the weight of time, free from worrying about what I will wear, what I will eat, what I will drink, where I will live.... and actually dreaming big again.  And:  not only dreaming big, but WITH GOD'S help, LIVING the dream I was meant for.  HIS dream for me.  Does this mean I stop my 9-5 day job? Maybe not.  But maybe yes.  Does this mean I let go of my adult responsibilities?  No.  I believe we're to be people of excellence.  But this MAY mean I stop taking responsibility for other people's lives and just start really living my own.

When I focus on trying to do this myself, I am filled with stress and anxiety.  I overload and overwhelm myself with the responsibility of "finding myself."

BUT:  there is another way. The better way. And in fact, its the only way that isn't generic or counterfeit.

Dear friends, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when He appears we shall be like Him, because we shall see Him as He is. -1 John 3:2 (emphasis added)

This scripture shows us 2 truths.  The first is that at the point of Christ's return, we will see who He is fully, and we shall reflect HIS beauty fully the way the Holy Spirit has been faithfully preparing us to do since we first believed.
The second is this; to the extent that we know Jesus and see His heart, we are able to know ourselves and our identity in Him because we are made to reflect His beauty.

So:  WHEN I focus on myself and try desperately to know who I am apart from God, I only cause more turmoil in my life.  I make it hard for myself.  AND, even the end result is but a shadow - not even a reflection - of what I could know about myself.

But if I focus on Jesus - if I become a student of His heart - not even just of His words - I can know the God of the Bible.  I can know the WHOLE story of His wrath on evil, His heart of mercy and His desire to show grace to those who seek it.  If I dare to know this massive heart of His for our very obstinate human race, and even may I venture to say His heart for a little soul like me, it is very likely that not only will my unmet needs for feeling "special" and "picked first" (within the vast population) be met, I may also begin to believe that I in fact was meant to grow forth into greatness and radiance.  I was meant for such a time as this.

And so are you.

All of sudden - this 23 year old heart holding with tender sentiment all those fairy tales deep inside, is beginning to LIVE the fairy tale, instead of just dreaming about it.  Not because I have a man in my life.  Not because I have the dream job or the dream lifestyle.  Not because of ANYthing material.

I'm living the fairy tale because I'm being transformed from a pauper to a prince by love.
I'm the Cinderella the prince scours the kingdom for.
I'm the Sleeping Beauty who was fought for and loved back to life.
I'm the Little Mermaid who has a winning heart even without her song.
I'm the Jasmine who can stare down the face of evil and speak her heart, mind and truth in boldness.
I'm the Belle who finds a heart of gold in the brutes and beasts when everyone else holds their pitchforks and guns.
I'm the Marian who's spirit burns with adventure for humility, mercy and justice and loves the outcast's heart.
I was made Snow White and called the fairest among maidens even though I am dark.

Those are my stories.

What are yours?

Who are you?

Why settle?

Why settle at all?





Christ in Me, My Truest Hope.


Its hard to believe that 2011 has come and gone.  When I think of the month "January" I'm still thinking, "Oh, that was just a few weeks....... ..... ago.... wait......"

What a long - fruitful year with Jesus.  I'm so SO  glad I'm not the same person I was this time last year.  Actually, thinking about this time last year, I smile.  Everything has a time and a season.  I don't regret where I was then... but I wouldn't change to ever go back to  being  that person again either.  I've grown too much to try to squeeze myself into the confinements of who I was then, now.

A lot is on my mind for this year.

Maybe I should make those things into lessons-I've-learned bullet points.

  • Relationships - with anyone - almost never turn out the way you expect them to.
  • People are never what you assume - one way or the other.
  • You can't be everyone's dream girl or dream guy.  Either you are, just as you are, or... you're simply not.
  • You can't be everyone's favorite person either.  ... Nope.
  • Crying has its advantages.
  • The disadvantages of crying are far... far outweighed by the advantages. ... so...
  • ...Its necessary - ESSENTIAL even, to have a good cry every so often.
  • Its good to have good friends at times where you need a good cry.
  • Actually, its good to just have good friends.
  • .... Best friends change.  Both in seasons of your life... and also individually speaking.
  • Best friends don't work the way they did when you were a kid... you need multiple friends for multiple purposes - all equally as important.
  • People cannot fill your needs ... especially only one person.
  • We're not entitled to friends or spouses.  Those are gifts from God.  The Lord gives, does NOT give and He takes away.
  • The good thing is, God loves to give good gifts to His children, especially when they ask Him.
  • Sometimes, its best just to keep things between you and God.
  • Including your feelings, opinions and words.
  • You can never go wrong when you praise the Lord with song.
  • Mornings are such a lovely time to have set aside for the Lord.
  • Sunrises and Sunsets start off the day and end the day each proclaiming the beauty of the Glory of God.  ... How many days do we miss it and forget to join in with all creation to exalt Him?
  • Giving thanks is essential to the Christian life.  Its a health issue if its not apart of the daily stuff.
  • God is so good. And deserving.  And worthy.  And Holy.  And Lovely.
  • God isn't too concerned with what you can DO for Him.
  • Delight in the Lord.
  • Be prepared to wait.
  • Do NOT speculate.  Its not good for the heart.
  • It may be better not to share your dreams with people.  ... unless they ask.
  • People actually don't care as much as you think they do.
  • People care more than you think they do.
  • People don't know it, but they WANT to care more.
  • Good friends DO care, even when it hurts to.
  • God cares... very, very much.
  • Going to the House of Prayer on Tuesdays have been a blessing to me.
  • Africa is next year!!!



So... I'm going to stop there because from there on, my thoughts pertained to food.  Haha.

I guess the reason why its so hard to believe that a year has passed is because its been a blur, really.  Most of my time this year has been spent in a season of summer in my soul, and winter in my life.
Winter in so dying to things of the flesh, understanding where my sin patterns and areas of weakness are and have to accept and admit that I am really incapable of fixing it all on my own.
In a sentence?  "I can do NO thing good apart from God."
Its been a hell of a ride.  And by that I mean, "Welcome to a tour of your terrible, yucky, stinking heart.  Enjoy the ride!"

But I chose to go this route.  I asked God for it on purpose because I'm tired of who I've been.

"Who I am hates who I've been, who I am hates who I've been."

Its been awful... and yet absolutely lovely.  I've never known so much grace or tender mercy from the Lord.  I really don't think I knew what grace or mercy really meant until this year, and I'm so glad to say I've only just begun.

God has so blessed me by His gentle care towards my heart and I'm eternally grateful.  Here's a few things that I believe have been accomplished or at least have begun to be, in my life.

  1. I no longer have a clue what God is going to do in me or with me - at all.
  2. God is the essential.  All other vision either bows to this or is fading away.
  3. I'm prepared to wait.  I am being prepared to wait for a long haul.
  4. God - is the desire of my heart.  None of the other things matter unless He's involved.
  5. I am no longer speculating.  ... About anything.
  6. I'm not afraid to die anymore.
  7. I'm not afraid to be tortured anymore either.
  8. In fact.... There's a crazy joy at the idea of these things if it means I don't renounce my Jesus.
  9. Nothing can shake me from the conviction of Christ in me.  Nothing.  Not any more.
  10. I'm starting to stop second-guessing myself.
  11. I don't take crap from people anymore, and I won't bow out when I need to stand up.

These are all actually HUGE accomplishments for me, seriously.  I'm not afraid to say them to the public either because I believe someone has to be real enough to be honest about the hard things in life.

God has really been opening my eyes to a lot of things - and what I mean by that is - actually, everything.  When I lay down my bias, God gives me His heart.  Its a pretty amazing exchange, really.

So for this upcoming year, I'm feeling like I'm phasing into a new season of winter and summer.

This past year, though it be winter in my life, summer was in my heart and the Lord gave me rest and peace and love.
But I believe winter has begun in my heart now... killing and keeping dead everything I've held close until now.  Its not about me anymore ... not  at all.  My life isn't about me.  Winter is barren ... and so shall it be in my heart full of dreams and things.  But I truly believe that the winter in my heart will drive me outside of myself - into the promise land of Jesus.  Its time to explore the heart of God, leave everything else I've loved behind, and begin again.  I actually have no clue what will happen to my heart this next year, but I know that God has been so faithful and good through all the generations.

Coldplay sings, " don't wanna see another generation drop, I'd rather be a comma than a full stop."

Maybe I've been a comma these past 12 months or so.  But I choose to be fully alive this next year - whether good or bad, I don't care.   I just know this next season has nothing to do with ... me.  hah.  Do I really get to call it my life, either?  I have no life apart from God.  Only death.  Yet, crazily enough, death is an everyday occurence when we choose to live in God.

Well...
I'd say this was a rant ... but I feel like thats not honoring the process God has created for me to follow in so choosing to write things out for others to see. 
So I will merely say that I feel my line of thought is done for now.

Happy new year, friends and family of mine - may the Lord remind you through out 2012 that advent is still the season.
Let us then pray, "Maranatha!" Come Lord, quickly! And prepare our hearts."  Amen.

I Found My Old Song Books!

There's a few songs I wrote when I was 14 and 15 years old.  Some of the melodies are lost, but the heart can't be denied.  :)  I'd like to share a few of them with all of you.  Some of them are silly, some of them are serious - but all of them show a heart that's real.


I'm So Bored With Little Gods... 2 thoughts

When we tap our foot and our fingers and watch our clock while we wait on God... And when we subconsciously say and think towards Him, "whats taking so long? I don't have time for this! JUST TELL ME what I need to know and SHOW ME, NOW!" - and when we give up in impatience and think, "I guess I'm just going through a dry season...." - what if its then, that it becomes apparent we've set 'our' time as god over the Father who is neither bound by our man-made measures, nor must make a defense for His own perfect timing. How arrogant we are! How foolish, I am. I am at least a breath and at best a delusion! GRASS. That is what I am. BUT the Word of the Lord stands forever. The Word became flesh and is Truth to all who hear. He who has an ear, let him hear! [Psalm 62] & [Isaiah 40:3-8]

-----------------------------------------------

God INVENTED time.  His timing is perfect.  And yet I am measuring out my time with Him - counting the minutes - counting the cost.  What if time measured, was completely removed and thus, could not be considered currency to be spent, sacrificed or counted?
What if all we HAD in life was time - and we never knew how much we had banked and only God worried about our portions; and when 'time' finally ran out, THAT is we became free to never worry about rationing out this precious entity again? 
What if our 'time spent' before the Lord was the only  place where cost never mattered?
Five minutes - five years.  Same difference in the Kingdom.  The point IS - you forget there even IS time.
And we live in the future, and we live in the past - ALL measured by time past, and time future in relation to time NOW.
One of the devil's greatest deceptions: that the time allotted to us is first OURS - and second, that the "could'ves", "would'ves" and "should'ves" coupled with the "what-if's" of the future, can be somehow recaptured or precaptured in the "Now".  In vain we believe this, and in that vanity, if we don't allow our paradigm to be completely changed by God, we will waste our lives.  We doom ourselves to never capture the divine moment of the "Now" of the Lord, where He is.  "Be still and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10) - This phrase becomes then, the very cry and the very profound reaching of a God who knows the frailty of man.  We really are just dust. (Psalm 103:14)

To know this, I am thus responsible to change.  I MUST be changed forever.  God is NOW.  So am I.  When we say we will be ruined in the glory of God and that we will waste our time to search Him out - truthfully, it is to offend the world's definitions and even our flesh's self-professed rights.  God's time is so different than ours, anyway.   I'm not sure I can really allow myself to wish I were doing anything else than what God has commissioned me to do right NOW, ever again. 

Man - I'm being completely ruined in this thought.  - in this new thing God has revealed in my heart.
Such a heart of man.
Mercy, Mercy, Mercy.
He raised His scepter of mercy and did not bestow on me the wrath that I deserve, and THEN - He clothed me in grace - favoring me and blessing me in all I put my hands to do to bring Him glory.
I need think for a while again.

Until I come up for air,
Sarah Faith