There's a few songs I wrote when I was 14 and 15 years old. Some of the melodies are lost, but the heart can't be denied. :) I'd like to share a few of them with all of you. Some of them are silly, some of them are serious - but all of them show a heart that's real.
Showing posts with label guys. Show all posts
Showing posts with label guys. Show all posts
My Thoughts on "the One" Theory.
I'm not going to lie, this whole conversation really made me think about what I really believed and God took the opportunity to correct my heart a little.
I've always believed that God has that "One special person" for everyone.
Sept... not everyone CARES to have a "One special someone" out there so much as just whomever they choose would BE that person.
I mean, I absolutely DO! Its been on my heart for a decade now to pray for my future husband - that one special person who's just going to get me and know me and understand me.
But God gave me a reality check - just because I've done that, doesn't mean everyone ELSE has.
AND? Its okay.
God kinda gave me a picture - not a completely accurate one, but a picture none the less of the way this might work.
Esther. The story about a courageous woman who somehow was chosen above hundreds of other beautiful women to be queen.
Here's the pitch: hundreds of girls go through a YEAR of beautification and then get to choose what they're going to wear and what they're going to bring with them for their "one night with the king."
AWESOME! Right?
Esther says to the guy in charge, "I don't want to choose. You know the king better. YOU give me what you think is best."
I'm not saying I'm Esther.
What I'm saying is - not everyone thinks to ask God for the best in their love life AND - not everyone is supposed to.
But Esther asked for the best. And she got it.
Its okay if a small handful of people choose to ask God what HE thinks is best. It may be that their's is a story that will impact hundreds of people like Esther's.
Will MY story impact hundreds of people? You know? If it brings people to a fuller knowledge of Christ, then YES, I WANT it to. But if it just impacts the people I directly communicate with on a day to day basis, then thats okay too. The idea is to inspire others to seek out God's best for them. It may not be in finding a mate, but it COULD mean that they need to ask God for the best in the job realm or in the career path, or in the financial arena, etc.
So do I believe in "The One" Theory? Yes. Do I believe its for everyone? No.
Do I care if my future husband believes that he can just pick anyone and thats good enough for him?
...um.... yes.
I don't want to be a number.
"Oops, this girl didn't work so lets try this one. OH! NOT that one, never mind. maybe this one...." until he comes around to little 'ol Sarah who finally says yes to him.
I'm sorry but thats not okay with me. I'd like to think that AT LEAST if the guy I'm supposed to marry isn't thinking about his future wife and praying for her, that he'd be too worried about what God's doing in his life to play the dating game without true intentions of finding the person who could match him in his walk with the Lord.
Those are my own feelings about it, honestly. I'm not saying its completely right, but if I was trying to please everyone with my opinions, I would've stopped writing in this blog a long time ago.
:)
Those are my thoughts.
-Sarah
But, He was not in the Wind...He was in my Car.
I'm surprised at how much I'm writing recently... but after quite the lull in my creative streak, I'm back; probably because I finally have something useful to say.
I think... that I'm at a place where when heartbreaking things happen to me, I can't fight God anymore about it.
I'm at a point where I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of asking questions that I'm not sure I'm supposed to know the answer to.
I must say though: I am proud that I did what I was supposed to. I'm proud that I did the right thing - and didn't hide who I was or shrink back in what I believe in all of this.
If I'm not supposed to go a certain route in this journey with God, then there's nothing that can keep me going that way, if I'm truly following Him. For that, I am grateful. He is so sovereign.
I know I'm going to be okay. In a way, I'm relieved because I finally feel like I have a grasp on whats going on in my life now - love life, really.
God is going on in my love life.
...Calculated Chaos in the Midst of ... Peace?
My life has taken a few undetected turns since I last wrote...
But strangely enough, I'm not too alarmed. There's so much going on with my family ... dare I share that I believe God may be restoring us?
My brother and my sister (my sister being gone and not around for a year and a half, my brother being gone for about 5ish/6ish months) are finding themselves back at home more and more often, and our family is receiving them with loving arms. Last Friday, along a brave young man's request to pursue me, my family... my Family was all together for the first time in a year and a half. My grandparents included... EVERYONE around the table. ... Something happened in my heart that night. It felt like home for the first time in a LONG time.
The Warrior is a Child
I almost feel safe to write here since it seems like this blog is forgotten now. Good. I can write for myself.
My heart hurts. Kind of like how after an earth quake, the earth will have that one last rumble.. almost like a reverb of the real thing.
That's what I'm going through. I've been through the initial pain, but its like I'm getting that feedback - that reverb. I feel... sick.
Not sick sick. Sick. I feel so used. I feel so discarded - like no one could really love me... its all just fake. And really, that no guy out there that could love me the way I need to be loved, would be able to stay true... to give me his word, to commit to my heart. I feel so... beside myself.
Do not take this wrong:
Jesus is my ALL. ALL my hope is in Him. ALL my love is in Him. ALL my strength is in Him. He IS my joy. Oh is He ever my very present Joy!
But I regret my life this last year. I regret it because it was so wonderful. I regret it because I bought into it as though it were real, as though it were true. I regret thinking that I couldn't get any happier. I regret that I believed that I WAS happy. I regret trusting so much.
And, I regret that I set myself up for heartbreak. REAL heart break. Painful heart break. I'm STILL dealing with it. I STILL wake up early in the morning and cry myself back to sleep. WHY!?!
I regret that I'm not over my hurt yet. I regret that it still effects me.
Truthfully, I regret investing so much that it DID effect me.
And its no longer about the person who hurt me. All is forgiven. But now I have this backlash of emotional pain that I've never experienced before.
One thing I don't regret: I truly understand what it is to guard one's heart. I've always had a hard time understand how one does it. ALWAYS.
But today, at a young 18 years, I have found the secret to guarding one's heart.
Its by not investing in relationships with guys the same way one invests relationships with girls (and vice versa with guys). Its about keeping ALL young men at an arms length. Its about not letting them into the depths where poems are formed, where songs are written, where true prayers are conceived.
Its not because I don't like guys. ON the contrary! I feel WAAY more comfortable with guys then with girls.
But that's where its a problem.
Pointers Sarah has learned from eXPERIENCE, the HARD WAY:
*DO NOT get involved with a guy who is recently hurting over another girl. You'll set yourself up for being used.
*DO NOT let a person push your personal boundaries made by your own convictions! You'll regret it.
*DO NOT get involved right away, whether you've known each other a long time or for a little: give things time.
*DO NOT intentionally see each other every day. Its speeds up the process emotionally, but not spiritually. God's timing doesn't follow ours. Wait a year.
*DO NOT! date or court someone who has a RECENT history of getting into Noncommittal relationships and has a tendency to flirt with everyone. Don't be fooled. ANYONE can be nice and really friendly. But not everyone has self control. LOOK for one who does.
*DON'T allow someone to tell you they love you until they've proven it with patience and follows the exclamation with a proposal to be his wife forever.
*DON'T DON'T DON'T talk about marriage until you're ABLE to marry... OR until you've been proposed to.
*DON'T find it acceptable that a guy thinks your different from the rest of your family.
*DON'T think its going to work with a guy if you can't even communicate openly.
*DON'T even get serious with someone who your family either doesn't like and or, HE doesn't like your family.
*IF he doesn't fit in with your family, its not gunna work.
*...THE end.
Yeah, so that helped me vent a little.
I'm not mad. I'm not.. anything really. Maybe upset. Sometimes I wish I could just get out of here and find guys who aren't amazed that I'm Sarah, and aren't jerks and treat me like dirt. I just want real people. People I can connect to, you know?
I know people who love me, but I can bearly count the people who truly understand me. I can DEFINITELY tell you of the countless of people who said they understood me, who said they loved me, who said they cared, and are no longer a part of my life.
Interesting isn't it?
Hm. I'm in a confusing state. I'm not confused, I'm living in weird new world where I don't know what my next step will be. I'm not angry or unforgiving, I'm upset. I'm mixed up. I'm disoriented. I'm... hurt.
I'm not extraordinarily strong willed, I'm a child in a suit of armor.
THIS, my friends, is my song.
<
My heart hurts. Kind of like how after an earth quake, the earth will have that one last rumble.. almost like a reverb of the real thing.
That's what I'm going through. I've been through the initial pain, but its like I'm getting that feedback - that reverb. I feel... sick.
Not sick sick. Sick. I feel so used. I feel so discarded - like no one could really love me... its all just fake. And really, that no guy out there that could love me the way I need to be loved, would be able to stay true... to give me his word, to commit to my heart. I feel so... beside myself.
Do not take this wrong:
Jesus is my ALL. ALL my hope is in Him. ALL my love is in Him. ALL my strength is in Him. He IS my joy. Oh is He ever my very present Joy!
But I regret my life this last year. I regret it because it was so wonderful. I regret it because I bought into it as though it were real, as though it were true. I regret thinking that I couldn't get any happier. I regret that I believed that I WAS happy. I regret trusting so much.
And, I regret that I set myself up for heartbreak. REAL heart break. Painful heart break. I'm STILL dealing with it. I STILL wake up early in the morning and cry myself back to sleep. WHY!?!
I regret that I'm not over my hurt yet. I regret that it still effects me.
Truthfully, I regret investing so much that it DID effect me.
And its no longer about the person who hurt me. All is forgiven. But now I have this backlash of emotional pain that I've never experienced before.
One thing I don't regret: I truly understand what it is to guard one's heart. I've always had a hard time understand how one does it. ALWAYS.
But today, at a young 18 years, I have found the secret to guarding one's heart.
Its by not investing in relationships with guys the same way one invests relationships with girls (and vice versa with guys). Its about keeping ALL young men at an arms length. Its about not letting them into the depths where poems are formed, where songs are written, where true prayers are conceived.
Its not because I don't like guys. ON the contrary! I feel WAAY more comfortable with guys then with girls.
But that's where its a problem.
Pointers Sarah has learned from eXPERIENCE, the HARD WAY:
*DO NOT get involved with a guy who is recently hurting over another girl. You'll set yourself up for being used.
*DO NOT let a person push your personal boundaries made by your own convictions! You'll regret it.
*DO NOT get involved right away, whether you've known each other a long time or for a little: give things time.
*DO NOT intentionally see each other every day. Its speeds up the process emotionally, but not spiritually. God's timing doesn't follow ours. Wait a year.
*DO NOT! date or court someone who has a RECENT history of getting into Noncommittal relationships and has a tendency to flirt with everyone. Don't be fooled. ANYONE can be nice and really friendly. But not everyone has self control. LOOK for one who does.
*DON'T allow someone to tell you they love you until they've proven it with patience and follows the exclamation with a proposal to be his wife forever.
*DON'T DON'T DON'T talk about marriage until you're ABLE to marry... OR until you've been proposed to.
*DON'T find it acceptable that a guy thinks your different from the rest of your family.
*DON'T think its going to work with a guy if you can't even communicate openly.
*DON'T even get serious with someone who your family either doesn't like and or, HE doesn't like your family.
*IF he doesn't fit in with your family, its not gunna work.
*...THE end.
Yeah, so that helped me vent a little.
I'm not mad. I'm not.. anything really. Maybe upset. Sometimes I wish I could just get out of here and find guys who aren't amazed that I'm Sarah, and aren't jerks and treat me like dirt. I just want real people. People I can connect to, you know?
I know people who love me, but I can bearly count the people who truly understand me. I can DEFINITELY tell you of the countless of people who said they understood me, who said they loved me, who said they cared, and are no longer a part of my life.
Interesting isn't it?
Hm. I'm in a confusing state. I'm not confused, I'm living in weird new world where I don't know what my next step will be. I'm not angry or unforgiving, I'm upset. I'm mixed up. I'm disoriented. I'm... hurt.
I'm not extraordinarily strong willed, I'm a child in a suit of armor.
THIS, my friends, is my song.
<
Warrior is a Child
Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
Strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears
(Chorus)
They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armour
The warrior is a child
Unafraid because his armour is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing
Never face retreat
But they don't see the enemies
That lay me at His feet
I drop my sword and look up for His smile
Because deep inside this armour
Deep inside this armour
Deep inside this armour
The Warrior is a Child
A Bout of Humor - Don't be a Fly, Boys.
some
"Invisible" lyrics
by: clay Aiken
I have a Bible verse for this [Ahem]
The first time I heard Clay's song, I was a tad disturbed. Um... Ok... the guy wants to WATCH his prefered girl in HER ROOM?? Am I the only one who caught that as everyone else sang happily along with the new Hit Single played over and over again at the time? My thoughts summed up in one very distinct word and sound?!
"SICKO!"
OBVIOUSLY, God was talking about more then just the little annoying insects that make their way into our homes on a daily basis. Whether it was in context or not, God was writing to those girls out there who are considering whether they should let a guy who wants to be a fly on her wall with no hesitation to ideals of stalking, into her heart!!!
SO!
Sarah's Rule of Pointer NUMBRE UNO:
GUYS: DON'T be a creep.
GIRLS: when you get tired of them, Under NO curcumstances should you tell them you wish you would, could, or you WILL eat them with either a smile or a scowl on your face!
Ergo Sarah Concludes: guys, don't be flies, and girls? Keep a fly-swatter in your room.
Signing off as she leaves her readers to hopeful cachinnation, farewell!
"Invisible" lyrics
by: clay Aiken
Whatcha’ doin’ tonight
I wish I could be a fly on your wall
Are you really alone...
If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room...
I have a Bible verse for this [Ahem]
"All flying insects that creep on all fours shall be an abomination to you." Leviticus 11:20
The first time I heard Clay's song, I was a tad disturbed. Um... Ok... the guy wants to WATCH his prefered girl in HER ROOM?? Am I the only one who caught that as everyone else sang happily along with the new Hit Single played over and over again at the time? My thoughts summed up in one very distinct word and sound?!
"SICKO!"
OBVIOUSLY, God was talking about more then just the little annoying insects that make their way into our homes on a daily basis. Whether it was in context or not, God was writing to those girls out there who are considering whether they should let a guy who wants to be a fly on her wall with no hesitation to ideals of stalking, into her heart!!!
SO!
Sarah's Rule of Pointer NUMBRE UNO:
GUYS: DON'T be a creep.
Leviticus 11:41a - And every creeping thing that creeps...SHALL be an abomination
GIRLS: when you get tired of them, Under NO curcumstances should you tell them you wish you would, could, or you WILL eat them with either a smile or a scowl on your face!
Leviticus 11:41b - IT SHALL NOT BE EATEN.
Ergo Sarah Concludes: guys, don't be flies, and girls? Keep a fly-swatter in your room.
Signing off as she leaves her readers to hopeful cachinnation, farewell!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)