In Honor of Valentine's Day: Do You Want My Hand or My Heart?

It is the glory of God to conceal a matter, but the glory of kings to search out a matter. –    Proverbs 25:2 NASB

It has not been often that my heart has been searched out by people. Surprisingly not even most of the guys I’ve dated have cared to truly know me.

Oh, I’ve been told I was known.  They didn’t need to ask me questions to know me.  They just did, they said.

“I feel like I’ve known you all my life!”

That’s my favorite line.  I’ve heard it enough times to throw up a gallon of those lines.

…It could be a sweet sentiment, but to me, if it is not paired with actually knowing my heart, it makes me wince.  It would make anyone who's been in my position wince.

My experience, much like some of yours, acquainted me with the understanding that people like me not necessarily for who I am, but more for what I do.

Life-Changing, Radical Obedience

Have you ever had times in your life where the entire paradigm of your view changes?

Its like you can only see certain things or you can only see things in a certain way and your mentality could never have imagined another way?


Something I'm realizing about myself is - the way I make decisions.   I calculate all the possibilities my imagination can conjure up and then based on those options I do process of elimination based on common sense and pros and cons. 
So in essence, even though I can multi-task considerably well and have the ability and the capacity to be open-minded,  I am one track minded in nature by default. 


This being said, you can imagine that the Lord's way with me includes changing things up a bit now and again.

So, a few words sum up what I'm about to talk about in this blog:
Letting Go
Praying new prayers
Radical obedience
and
Faith.


Now,  being apart of a Vineyard church, we are of course fans of our founder, John Wimber.
Christy Wimber, one of his relatives pastors a church out in CA and she visits every now and then.  While she was here this past month, she said something that really hit me square at home in my heart.
She said, "Now, I KNOW that when God asks me to let go of something that's hard to let go of, He's about to do something new in my life."

Now over the past year, I've been wrestling with God about a few different things that I WANTED to let go of but could NOT, within my own strength.  The lesson learned in this was invaluable to me as I learned that I was entirely bound to my own sin patterns and COULD NOT unbind myself by my own strength.  Nor could I wrestle God into doing what I wanted Him to do.  Ultimately, I'm ugly in my sin, I can't change it AND ... that's that.  But God.  Those two words become the most precious in my life.  But God - so loved us.
But God.

So this happened over the new year and when I concluded that I can do NO good thing within myself and I needed God to LET GO at ALL -He released me. And I could.
  Kind of  like the story of Jacob wrestling God?  Yeah.  2011 in a nutshell for me.  Except I begged God to let ME let HIM go.  Pride my friends will never be beautiful. You can cover it up and you can sugar coat it, but when you ask God to do what it takes, make no mistake about it, He will.
That is what I love about Him.

When I was released from the things I couldn't let go of, things became disorienting for me.
I've often felt like I don't fit well or for very long into places I find myself in - and for the most part I just accepted that this is inevitable for me since I've felt like this since a child.
But God has been doing MUCH in the arena of my identity and putting down roots has been a lot easier for me.  Especially as friendships develop.
But after all of this wrestling, my life seemed empty and my purpose left blank.  What now, Lord?

Great question!

When you let go of something, God has got something new on the horizon.
Or at least for me, lots of old things.

Things I've forgotten about for years, actually.  Its really awesome because they're little things that only I would know about but He's proving Himself faithful because even though I forgot about them, He never did.

But that's still disorienting because I'm not moving in those callings at this point.

I think the place I find myself in, though small in its beginning, is a very defining one.  Its a place of memorial.  Kind of like in the Old Testament when God tells Israel to make a memorial so as to remember what He did for them.  Here - here in this place is a new chance to die.  Again.  To myself.

Its really cool actually because what's happening is something I've never done in my life before.
I'm obeying without question.  Or at least trying to.  I'm finding out that without love, "being good" is just moralism as a means to get what we want.
The standards God sets for us personally and by His word are just rules to follow if we don't know how to really love and trust God.
"If you love Me, you'll obey my commands."  -John 14:15
The joy I'm finding in all of this is that as I learn God's love for me, I can't help but love Him the same way - by imitation.  All of a sudden, what was a sacrifice for me before becomes an offering - a PLEASURE for me to give.  It is a pleasure for me to obey the Lord.
I don't know about you guys, but I've always had a problem with obeying God when I don't understand or when I just plain don't WANT to.  It never occurred to me to ASK Him to give me the strength to say yes to Him.  The DESIRE to pray this prayer never even crossed my heart.  What a SWEET prayer!
I'm all about praying risky prayers.  I WANT to give it all!  I WANT to see my life fully surrendered to Jesus!  I WANT to move in His Spirit and with authority and power for His glory.
I can't do that without giving permission for God to "do whatever it takes."

So a new prayer is asking God to give me the strength to say yes.


Now some may argue that I always have a choice.
Yes.
But no.  My choice is that I have none.
My choice is obedience.  Because I love Him.  I can't go back - I don't even know how I could!
Its kind of like Frodo and the ring.  Yes, he had a choice but... he was chosen.  He was a slave to completing his task even if it meant unto death.
I feel the same way about following the Lord.
Its not an option to NOT love God.  I can't not.  To love is to obey.  I can't then, NOT obey.

Now - I don't have the ability to obey in my own strength, this I know.  I've tried this very recently and I found that it is impossible.  I could "say" I obey and in action look like I am, but God is the great Judge of our hearts and we cannot fool Him even if we succeed in fooling ourselves.
So - to walk in the way I choose, I cannot have anything of myself.
AS I decrease, He is increasing.
When my life is based in this, beautiful and holy and pure, HOW can I go back? Why would I want to be in the dark when my life is becoming increasingly enraptured with light and true life? That would blaspheme the Holy Spirit.
Once one is presented with the truth, you can't go back into oblivion.  It becomes a deliberate decision.  I can't choose oblivion and unchoose God.   Therefore, as a servant, it is the call of my life to obey - to worship God in obedience regardless of feelings.
Now, a few things have happened since I last posted:
My mission trip to Mozambique has been canceled. Airfare is way overpriced.  And - I've raised all but about about 300 dollars of the 3000 that I needed.  NOW WHAT?!  Have I used the word disoriented a lot?  That's because this is how its been this last month.  Why did I feel God's prompting for this trip?  Why was all the money raised so quickly?  What is God's plan for that money?  I need direction.  I need to walk in faith.

So with THIS being stated, a quick story.
2 doors down from the office I work at within a small plaza, there is a music/record store owned by a crippled man.  It takes him probably 5-6 minutes to walk to the door from his handicapped parking spot - a walk that would take any of of us 5 seconds. He's not necessarily the nicest man either - gruff.  He's not that old -mid 40's at the most.
the last 2 weeks God has been putting it in my heart to pray for his heart to be softened.
THEN it occurred to me that as a person who believes that the power of the Kingdom of God is within me, I should act in faith and ask if he would like prayer to be healed.
Now - I don't have any gifts of healing to my knowledge.  But - that would mean that God would have to do His thing - and that is exactly what I felt the Lord had in mind.
But for a week I procrastinated the development of the idea because - what if nothing happened?
The thought didn't go away and I knew that I wasn't being obedient to what Jesus commissioned us to do - He SAID that one of the signs that will follow believers is that they would lay hands on the sick and they would recover.
The other thing is - the store is filled with yucky feeling spirits.  Demonic music - demonic things inside.
But on lunch a few days ago, I couldn't do it anymore.  I was intensely convinced that regardless of my feelings and "don't do this!" thoughts, I HAD to move.  What if God was waiting for me to act in faith and obedience so HE could move? What if in my disobedience, I was hindering God's process of moving things in MY life?  I couldn't afford to not obey.
So I went.
I told the man (Phil) that God had me praying for him for the last few weeks and at that point, I had a prophetic word for him as well.  He let me pray for him, and you know?  nothing happened before my very eyes.  And I told him that God had a plan for me to come to him that day for a reason - I didn't know what that was, but maybe he should ask God what its all about, since he said he prayed every morning.

And - I went back to my office with my lunch.  And I cried.
I did something huge, my friends.  I risked what I felt was everything and moved to advance the Kingdom.
But mostly I acted in deliberate faith, paying the cost of possibly foolishness - in act of love and worship to my Father.
It cost me something I've never paid before, and it was the most freeing, scary - moving thing I've ever done in my life.

I'M GROWING, GUYS!!!!

John Wimber said faith is spelled R-I-S-K.
A friend pointed out that according to John then, risk is my middle name.
I never thought about it that way before.
But one of the visions for my life that I believe God has given me is to live a life of radical faith - complete obedience.  God doesn't need the most intelligent, genius person to accomplish big things, guys.
God needs a willing vessel -a regular, every day person who is willing to say, "Yes, Lord."
I'm done dreaming of being that person.  Its time I just started living it.
I'm an adult, no body's stopping me, right?  What am I waiting for?
Jon Foreman couldn'tve voiced a more profound statement in the form of the question:

"This is your life - are you who you want to be?"


So NOW what?!

I'm praying about what God's purpose for this money is.
I'll be writing letters to all the people who gave to either return it or ask them to pray that God would make it clear what His plan is for it.

Pray with me, friends?
Who KNOWS what the Lord has for those who love Him. :)

Trust That Love

"And so we know the love that God has for us, and we trust that love."  1 John 4:16

You know,  I was going to say its been a while since I've written, but the truth is, I've been through a LOT since the last time I wrote.  I don't even know if there's really a way to explain it, either.
But I'll try.  2 things: Where I am, and worship.

First thing:

I guess it all comes down to this:  Do I or don't I trust God.

I mean its as simply put as it gets.
Its the strangest experience:  I LONG to trust God ... will to trust God but every analyzing thought that picks my life apart into a billion pieces tells me that I'm obsessed with control.
And you know?  There's so many reasons I could give about it too.
I've been hurt.  I've gotten it wrong.  I've heard God wrong.  I don't want to do that again.  People suck.  My life sucks.  I suck!

And C'mon, nothing really sucks.  It only does when I lean on my own understanding and try to figure everything out.

Why can't God just surprise me with the life He wants me to live?
Why do I keep hitting this brick wall?
I've never been closer to the Lord.
I've never heard Him so clear in my life.
I've never understood so much of the scriptures.
I've never understood so little.
I've never trusted Him so much
and I promise!  I have never trusted Him so little.
I'm caught between accepting all the dreams and visions and longings that drive me and hating the very things that make me come alive.
Mostly because its hard to hope when you've been so disappointed in your life.

Back in the summer I wrote to the Lord,  "Maybe I've been using hope the wrong way.  I have all sorts of visions and dreams for every part of my life.  But coincidentally, just as much as they can't happen withOUT You, they won't look the way I thought they would WITH You, either."
Nothing else could have said it better.

I'm ready to fight again.  I don't care what it takes.  My HEAD knows that I will self-destruct my life and that God really has something wonderful for me.
My easily swayed heart insists that things will work out just as they have before - when I was 16 and thought I was hearing from the Lord.  A FLOOD of comparisons and past experiences swirl around and a deep hurt surfaces.  As much as my whole spirit longs to be united with the will of God, my heart refuses.  And I mean REFUSES to let go.
Its embarrassing that it keeps coming down to this!  But I'm done with this heart of mine. 
If it can't submit on its own,  I'm going to figure out why.  And I'm  GOING to get healed. 
No more waiting.  Its time for action.


Second thing:
Worship.

Something really hit me this week on a practical level and I'm excited to share it.
As a worship leader its inevitable that people will at one point or another be excited about what God ministered to them during a praise service and they'll feel compelled to share with the said worship leader about that experience.  Usually they exclaim simply that they love when that person leads worship or something of that form.  I've always wondered how one should respond to these kind of comments without making the commenter feel awkward and without taking the "glory" at the same time.

The Lord revealed to me today how utterly important it is for a person - and even more so, a designated leader to have a secret life with Him.  When a designated praise-leader steps up in front of a congregation and begins to give Jesus praise, they are essentially inviting OTHERS into their personal relationship with God.
If a praise leader doesn't have a close relationship with God, people will only be invited to go as deep as that person has. 
So how this applies to where I am (being point 1 of this entry.) I love the Lord.  I'm actively pursuing God with all my heart - even as very faulty as it goes at times, I've never been so full of praise for the Father before in my life.  I think this is mostly due to the fact that I'm facing the reality of my ugliness withOUT Him.  I'm being saved right before my very eyes - at this very moment - for something new.... now.   Wait.  Now.  No, now.  No NOW.
So when someone comes up and says, "I LOVE when you lead worship!"
Instead of feeling awkward and unsure of how to respond to what their words say, I'm finally beginning to hear that they really mean, "I LOVE going there.... I LOVE going where you go with the Lord."
And deep inside my heart the Lord is whispering to me, "I KNOW you don't feel qualified.  I KNOW you don't feel like you're worthy.  I KNOW you are unsure of your right standing with me at times.  ... But:  I LOVE when you go there with Me.  I LOVE going there with you.  And THEY do too and THAT is OKAY."

This - THIS is what the body is all about.  We - all going to our sacred places with the Lord - transparently sharing our hearts in true fellowship and communion, are spurring each other on to be one.  One with God and one with each other, with God.
And notice how I made the distinction between "Praise-leader" and "Worship-leader".
Worship is a lifestyle.  Praise is an action.
Praise is what we do on Sunday mornings with each other before the Lord..
Worship is where we're going and dwelling.

So as I praise the Lord - and as I go to that secret place which has been built on my history with Him - oh and also, as I do that in a public congregation - I become not only a leader of praise at that moment, but also a leader of worship - because I'm taking people to the most real place I know:  my place with God.  If this is done right - if this is done in full submission to the Spirit and done in the most humble, serving of ways, it will not "fill" people, but cause more awareness of their own hunger and thirst for a secret place where it is just them and God.  Its exhilarating - to be delightfully touched and entirely unsatisfied all in the same moment.
That is where the teaching comes in: you're not supposed to be filled on that Sunday morning for the rest of the week.  You're supposed to crave the presence of God by it. Its the one Good thing that you can never get too much of.  Its the one Good thing that transforms the untransformable into something beautiful. (And NO!  I don't mean Mega-tron turning into a Tonka Truck!)   Think dirt begin turned into a precious diamond.  Thing an agitating piece of sandish dust being turned into a prized pearl.  Only God can do these things.
Why SHOULDN'T we be fantastically excited when God allows us to experience the fragrance of the beauty He's working in the soul  of someone else with a heart just like ours?
And how insane is it that as a designated praise leader at my church, I'm not able to move beyond how NOT to think about everything with such a self centered mindset!
Dear Lord!  Center my entire self in You!
I have nothing Good  apart from You!

So that kind of shifted my paradigm a little.  


I apologize if this is disappointing to some of you. I AM self centered and I'm terribly young.  The good news is:  I'm growing and moving with God.  I'm not that good at it at times, but I  DO keep getting back up and running (or staggering) to the cross.  I'm finding that it's one of my most favorite places to be: in that shadow - eating the fruit of righteousness with great delight.  And the most startling thing of all is:  He sustains me still, and His banner over me is love.

Right now?  THAT is my good news.  I am a witness of this!  And its not over yet:  He's coming back.

"After all of the years, You're still here, You're still here.
After all of the time, there's still a smile on Your face.
You are so Good, You are so Good."

"Come near, O Burning One.  Come near, O Burning One.
Where can I run from You?  Where can I hide?
You're love has made an everlasting mark on my heart.

So fan the flame.  Fan this flame."

Anyway.  That's all I have for today.  Grace and Peace be with you all who love our Lord.

Psalm 17 - My Heart's Songs

Just yesterday I did a worship set at the C-HOP and the two phrases that hit me like a ton of bricks as I was singing out my heart from Psalm 17 was this:

When everyone else's dreams seem to be coming true
and it seems that I'm the one left in this waiting room
I will cling to what is true
I am the apple of Your eye
and You're hiding me in You.
I am the apple of Your eye
and You're hiding me in You.

When in seems all my desires are going unfulfilled
and chaos is all around and I'm the one standing still
I will speak the things I can't see as though they were
I will see Good in the land of the living, Lord!
I will see Good in  the land of the living, Lord.

I don't know how it happens, but somehow everything sounds like it  was a written song when I sing out whats really in my heart.  These 2 phrases are looping and looping in my head and its a good thing.
The other phrase thats looping in my head right now is from the LAST set I did on Psalm 17.  And its just so fitting for where I'm at right now.

I will be satisfied when I see You're face, God.
I will be satisfied when I awake in Your likeness  (and)
I will be satisfied with every good thing you provide
I will be satisfied with Christ. 

Amen!!

Challenged in Love

I think I definitely must start this entry out by saying - my heart is stirred, deeply. Last week our church did our 5th annual mission outreach to our beautiful city on the lake, and something changed in my heart, as I was pushed out of my comfort zone for - hah - the entire time.

I've been feeling a little uprooted lately. Its like having an old plastic water bottle fill with water, sand, some dirt and debris and shaking it so that everything in the bottle is whirling in every which direction. That's how I've felt in the past 5 months - entirely up set in a flurry of all the elements that make up my life - nothing new - yet everything is different and nothing is settled.

And yet, something IS new - its a shift in my heart.

Warrior Dancer is Presented with Destiny.

I have got to say, (and I know that this may even sound slightly dramatic, but stick with me) turning twenty-one was a huge milestone for me in the spirit.

Hah. Like the way I start my entry off? With a big, resounding, weighty statement.

Its true.

I have this journal. It was given to me the Christmas before I turned 18. I had seen it previously at a book store and thought to myself the moment I saw it, "THAT is the ONE."
THEN... I looked at the price and my following thought was, "That is NOT the one."

I remember my shoulders slouching. It was def. disappointing.

Then, I received a special gift from a friend I didn't expect a gift from: It was the exact journal, color and all. She had said she felt led to give it to me by the Lord.

When I saw it I thought to myself, "This journal will get me from my 18th year to my 21st year. I just KNOW it."

And I knew that, starting that lovely, genuine-leather-bound book, I was starting a special phase in my life. I titled my 7th journal, "My Story" and I knew it would be just that: a story.

And it was. I am so surprised what that journal reveals about my growth in the Lord. Its a very precious thing.

But... come my birthday, I was 2 pages away from being done. And I want to share with any of my fellow believers and also my readers what the Lord very specifically did to make my birthday a milestone in the spirit.

My birthday was quite uneventful. I didn't even get carded when I ordered a glass of wine with my lovely dinner with my parents!!!!

But, in the afternoon, I decided I was going to splurge my time and sit down and watch the movie rendition of Lord of the Ring's Return of the King.

About half way through the movie, Aragorn, heir to the throne of Gondor, is presented with the King's sword - the sword that defeated evil once, and would defeat evil again. The sword has a distinct symbolism of Aragorn's destiny. Elron, lord of the elves who had been at the first battle when the sword had been shattered, had welded it back together and came to Aragorn with it.

The scene is that Elron approaches Aragorn and holds out the sword with both hands. He tells him, "the time has come".

Aragorn hesitates for only a moment before he reaches for the sword and pulls it swiftly out of its sheath and its in that second Aragorn chooses to step into his destiny as King. And he COULD choose NOT to... but really, he's at a point of no return. The way to move is forward. Its inevitable that He would move into that role, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

See, because there's no turning back. He might have turned back when he met the hobbits for the first time and knew that they were being followed by Evil. He might of chosen to leave when he got them to the Elves in Rivendale. But he didn't. THAT is when He could have chosen a different way. But the presentation on the sword only came when it was clear He was too far in - and he was sold to seeing this through.

So. Thursday, the day after my birthday, I'm at the house of prayer and I'm being stirred to intercede for Cleveland. Thinking about Psalm 93 - Holiness adorns Your temple, Oh Lord, forever.
I was stirred deeply and thus made a painting of a tsunami wave of the Spirit and of Life and of Fire about to crash down on 4 main "temples". Individual hearts, Households, The Churches and the City. The second set began at 10, and within about 20 minutes of the set beginning, Carol (one of our night watch prayer-warriors) comes to me, gives me her usual, joyful hug and as I pull away, she says, "I HAVE something for you... for Your birthday!" with a twinkle in her eye.

She then pulls out a pair of worship flags and presents them to me with both hands. Now... this is not the first time I have received a worship flag. I'm a firm believer that God equips the one's He calls. The first time I was given a flag, it was by someone I had never met before and the Lord very specifically told her to give me a specific worship flag - an "angels wing" of sheen purple. Prophetic colors are important - and this color means, "Royalty". My name, Sarah, means princess. Flags are for designating tribes, etc etc. If you lose your place, look for the flag, and go back to your place. A flag bearer, then, is one who holds up their identity high, and mightily, especially in times of war.

The flags Carol gave me are a sheer and glimmering white, and the one is bordered on either side in blue - with a Star of David on the front. When Carol unrolled it for me to see the star, the Spirit nudged me and I thought, "This means war."

And it was then that I knew - I'm a warrior in the spirit, and when I dance, I break down barriers, shatter strongholds and dance upon injustice - my dance is a prophetic gift just as my "painting pictures" is, or singing over people etc etc.

And The Lord gave me a picture of 2 armies going out to meet one another in a massive field. The adversary was already in place. The other side was the army of the Lord. People and angels of fall sizes and ranks. They were marching forward to take their place. But about 100 paces forward, there was a dancer. She was in a white dress with a flowing skirt, and she had a sash of red and blue - red symbolizing Salvation, and therefore, grace. And Blue symbolizing the Spirit like water - being baptized thereof. And she had 2 multi-colored streamers that were like smooth rainbows. And she was whirling and leaping and twirling about and her sash of blue and red would sometimes look purple - which symbolizes her identity and her rank. She is clearly a child of God. And her dance was very clearly a war dance. And Joy surrounded it in such a way that you knew who's army she was apart of and you also knew which army would win. It was a victory dance. And it was intense and strong and very very mighty.

She was the only dancer in that part. But the message is that she is not the only one in the body of Christ. But for this vision, she was set apart to designate her specific role. She was alone. She was closer to the enemy. She was on the very forefront. She saw it clearer then the army did. And? She was not afraid. In fact - the enemy could not, by spiritual law, shoot at her. She was under protection. The enemy could not touch her. It had no leeway to do so. She seemed to dance in the confidence of that protection. Her protection was peace. She was not worried or afraid. She was light and free.

THAT calling - that destiny - that place ... in the spirit, Is mine.

And I'm blown away at the privilege I have to be given a position of a flag bearer and a dancer.

Does that really change how I look in the physical? Nah. :) I'm doin the same stuff I know I'm supposed to. But I'm entirely overjoyed at the clear direction and placing I have in the army of the Lord for this season and time of my life. I don't quite know what it'll look like, but I think that's why I have a new journal - so I can record it all as I figure it out and go along. :)


Anyway. that's about it. I know this was a particularly long blog, but nevertheless, a thorough one at that.

Blessings - Sarah

He Paints One Stroke & the Sky Goes Crazy With Love...(A Stroke of Genius, Perhaps?)

So last night I had a lot to think about.

I think I was taking in a meshing of personalities and I was rather agitated that everyone was in my face. This of course is to be expected when your family is mine.

But this morning after the first few hours of becoming awake, things began to hit me and my heart became thankful.

First, just being able to watch people interact with each other. Have you ever noticed that some people can just pick up and become fast friends and the whole room becomes a bustle of jolly commotion as everyone picks around each others' personalities just to find to their delight, that they all enjoy each other and accept each other for their very crazy if not brazen self?

Once, while I was growing up, I was ashamed of how my family was. No one else's family was like mine - that was BAD cause everyone else acted like we were maniacs or something.

BUT - over the past 2 years, I've not only come to terms with how my family is, I rather feel sorry for people who can't handle so much craziness and love.

How do they enjoy their boring, routinely lives? One might argue if they're really living at all.

One thing I rather delight in is how one personality can pull another personality out of hiding.

Its one of the most beautiful things for someone to just accept that they are a certain way and that GOSH! ITS OKAY TO JUST BE YOU!!!!

I think my family is good at that. We most definitely have our problems, HA! Let me be a witness of that! BUT! We're always moving. We're always learning and changing. We have (for the most part) open hearts.

So this is what triggered a thought process of how God, in essence has surrounded himself with... Himself. He Himself is the ESSENCE OF beauty and so ergo, everything He does is beautiful.

I was driving home on 271 and what encountered me as I approached the top of a particular hill was something that took my breath away - a wild dash of orange, pink blue and purple with a swirl of yellow somehow blending in every little corner that was not covered.
The sun screamed orange.

The sky was marveling. It was almost as if every single moment was a span of universe happening and if you blinked you had missed some form of divinity. I swear the sky was glowing and in love.

Ha, and then He said ever so simply, "Its for You."

Of course without missing a single beat I replied, "Well, Yeah... and everyone else you made it for ... AND me... of course!" in between gasps of awe and reminding myself I should probably breath too.

But He plainly restated, "Its for You."

And that's when it hit me:

What did it matter if it could be for anyone else too? God is a sovereign God! Its all the more immaculate that He could have made it for me and ANYONE ELSE He wanted to love on in that little place in time where human met Jesus.

And thats where I was humbled. The live painting was for me. It was between Jesus and His bride. I'm not just single. I'm plural. Its for me just as much as it is for any other part of His Bride. It doesn't mean He would love me any less, He loves ME. He loves US. Of COURSE its for me!


He is awesome.

And, there, on Remsen Rd, I began to cry tears of thankfulness.

He Loves Us.


He really does!


And THIS BLOG is NOT to cancel out my last post!

In one hand the Lord invokes true Justice to all the nations AND to all the peoples.

But, in the OTHER hand, He offers mercy and this crazy grace that says if you repent and confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, He will NOT overlook that!

And for us, as a broken people to get ON OUR FACES before a holy God, is to give Him honor and to show Him real reverence, which, by the way guys, we have NO business losing since, last I checked we're all STILL dirty rotting sinners without Him.

Anyway,

I leave you with this:


Heh. :) He loves us if we are open to Him giving us His love.

Now... If we could get the hang of loving Him back.....

I wonder if a week can change my life...

Alive Festival - my first year.

What to think, what to say, what think some more...

It was awesome. There were so many things that went wrong the week before and it was so discouraging, but the truth is that God does what He wants, and that I really didn't have to worry about stuff if what He wants was going to happen anyway, as it so very often does (because He knows what'll happen, so it works into His amazing plan as it always does. Wasn't THAT enlightening?)

So I went to Alive Festival and slept on the hard, cold ground for 3 nights. It was one of those things where you feel like you just want to complain about it except that you ALSO know how good it is for you and how it was your choice to begin with, so you bear it all and somehow take joy in the whole situation... except for when you're tossing and turning all night long *wink*.


I have got to say: I LOVE working behind the scenes. I love working in front ON the scenes. I love just working for God. Honestly, as I worked the booths I worked, I knew that half the bands could've cared less because really, when its being taken care of, you don't have to worry about it. But that didn't matter. I worked knowing that whether those people knew it or not, I was blessing them with my time. I was blessing them with my love to their fans. I was blessing them before God. And it blessed ME to bless them.

Is that selfless? Not really. I totally understand that I got gratification out of it. Its not really why I did it though. Its just where I fit in: serving people when they'll never know I was.

GOD!

I LOVE doing that! I LOVE doing stuff that no one will ever know I did. Its weird to get gushing gratitude. I'm not even telling this to GET recognized either - its just such a JOY that its hard to hold it in!

Talking to the different people I did, God showed me some things.

First, God showed me that God loves these people. He loves every single one of them.

He loves the gorgeous little blond girl that waltzes on by, who looks like she's 24 when in all reality, she's only 14.

He loves the overweight lady with the cane who's having a hard time being on her feet all day.

He loves all the little 12 year old guys who cultivate their long-hair-over-the-eyes-and-think-hawk-nelson-is-a-sissy-band group and who jump off of the high-dives in the middle of the night to impress the girls.

He loves all the guys and girls who pack it all up, leaving their family and friends for weeks on end to tour the different festivals because they're in "the band".

He loves all the people in between.

He loves them all and He wants to love them through me.

He wants to love them through you.


This festival really hit the music in me. I forgot that I love music. I forgot that I love how it draws people - how it makes them forget themselves - how it makes them think of God and the bigger picture. I forgot that it makes my heart sing and my feet dance. I forgot that its the soundtrack to my life.
I forgot that it is worship if I chose it to be.

I think I forgot that its a ministry in itself.

And this is a totally Biblical idea, really. Music being a ministry. David would play his harp before the Lord in the fields. He'd play his harp before the king. No matter where he was, private or performance, he did it as worship unto the Lord, and he was a man after God's own heart.


So I sat back and watched.

Music as a ministry and music as an industry.

I notice that some have been lost in the industry.

I notice that some have been lost in the ministry.

But I must say: its the most lovely thing to find someone who isn't lost in either of those things but rather, that they are lost in Jesus.
Its such a struggle of pride no matter where anyone goes.
No matter what you're interested in or what you want to do with your life, there is a WHOLE SET of pride issues that you need to fight if you want to do it souly for the Lord.



Those are things to think about.

God's reeally been humbling me lately. Its kind of a mix of humiliation and just testing my faith some more. I don't usually like to give satan a lot of credit for whats going on because usually alot of it stems from my own sinful nature and the crap that God has been bringing up and out of me lately but... I've definitely felt like I'm hated by the enemy. I'm reading the Screwtape Letters for the first time, (and ha! it LOOKS like a fast read, but its really not, especially if God's reading it with you. Its a LOT to take in and think about.) and I'm just noticing all of the pitfalls I fall into on a REGULAR basis. Fantasizing being one of them. I'm prone to think about what COULD be when to be honest I'm spending THIS MOMENT living in a NOT guaranteed future. Its a dormant waste of life! Or how about distractions? I'm terribly distracted all the time. The only time I'm almost completely focused is when, well, I'm completely focused like right now. When I write, it drives me nuts when someone is right next to me or even in the same room as me. I HAVE to be by myself. But if something is deliberately being a distraction to me, it freaking annoys me. BUT if its not obvious, it slowly attracts my attention away and before I know it, I've lost all focus on my original focal point all together!

I HATE that!

Why? Because that is exactly how I turn from God. That is exactly how I lose focus on Jesus. Every day I fight to re GAIN focus on Jesus. If I don't meet Him every couple of hours, I'm a gonner and I totally forget Him all together.

I hate that about myself.

Its how Jesus humbles me. I see it and I hate it. But He loves me anyway. That blows me away, folks. It should blow you away too.

He sees the depths of my heart and He loves me the same... He is amazing God.
Its a test of my faith to fight it. But I think God is testing my mind. He says He tests the minds.

"But I, the Lord, search the heart, I test the mind, even to give each man according to his ways, according the results of his deeds." - Jeremiah 17:10

Hmm...


so I wrote a new song. It needs some refining, but you know? So does everything in life. Ask me some time to sing it for you.

To Live what One Sings
By Sarah F. G-------
6/10/08-6/12/08

Verse 1
I remember having high hopes for my life
I could look out and almost see myself in flight
And now I sit here on this floor
As I find the depth of life is so much more

Pre-Chorus
It's praying and it's waiting on the Lord
It’s moving and it’s seeing by His word

Verse 2
There are many who’ve answered Your call
So why do I feel so alone, left to weigh out it all
I look down through my tears
And I see my legs are broken, and that I’m facing my fears

Chorus1
And now I find myself in Your heart
Starting to see things the way You are
I now that You found me, I know
That to lose myself in You, I must let go


Verse 3
I feel like I’ve just left boot camp
I don’t feel like a loser, but sure don’t feel like a champ
I morn the loss of familiar ways
But I’m following God, and he’s not there anymore
He’s on to a brand new day


Chorus 2
And I’ll find myself where You are
As I see things the way You are
I’ll press on to all that is new
I’ll go through it all to see that I grew
I grew in You

Bridge
I’ve built a callous to all the pain
And the first time I’m way, I realize all I have to gain
My little hurts all come out of hiding
Each one met with mercy and healing – I’m healing

Pre-Chorus
I see that praying and waiting on the Lord,
Is what moves me to live by His word…

Chorus 3
And I find myself wrapped in Your arms
No counterfeit could touch Your part
As I allow You to make me whole
My life matters less and You matter more…

++++++++++++++++++

Well, I hope you guys are growing as much as I am. Its the worst, most wonderful thing in the world to be doing all the time.

But alas, it is time for my departure.

So be blessed and find Jesus as your complete joy. He never changes. That is exciting!


:)

God is exciting.

An Unquenchable Heart of Worship

So... For ISOM we have to read a book every 4 weeks and I've read a few great books that really helped me out.

But I have to say, I think I found my favorite.

Its not a self-help book like the rest of them... its a book about the heart of worship, touching up on the different postures one has before the Lord.
I was more blessed by this book then any I've read in a long time, and I think its because Matt Redman GETS IT. A heart of worship isn't because you have an ear and a talent for music! Its a heart position. Its a thing of the heart.

He first talks about the unquenchable worshipper - it talks about how this worshipper is one who will not be extinguished. He could go through hell fire and brimstone and it wouldn't matter, because His praise would continually be on his lips.

Something that this part insinuated was that... you can almost see the beauty of God MORE through the hurts, the pains and the sorrows... because the more pain you go through, if you lean on the Lord, the greater His beauty is.

"Though overwhelmed by many troubles, they are even MORE overwhelmed by the beauty of God."

This is ... so admirable. So honorable. This sort of pushing through isn't something that says, "I'm okay, really. Nothings wrong!" but rather says with humility, "I am NOT okay. But I don't care. Just because I'm not okay doesn't mean that He doesn't deserve my praise. I will worship Him ANYWAY."
wow.
this attitude is such an offering unto Jesus.

my favorite quote here is by B.W. Anderson (and if you're a musician, you'll appreciate this even more):

"The laments are really expressions of praise - praise offerings in a minor key in the confidence that Yahweh is faithful."

A second posture is that of an undone worshipper. You'd think it was talking about how God so sweetly brings you to your knees, but its not really like that.

This also hits such a core with me (as do all of them, so I may just get it out of the way right now and tell you that each one of these postures are near and close to my heart.) The undone worshipper... is humiliated in the presence of a Holy God. They are put back into their place. They thought they were something and found that those somethings were really offensive to God - pride, little attitudes that brew up inside of our hearts that we don't see until its exposed by the light of His glory. And so, we may fight it or we may not, but an undone worshipper throws up his hands and cries out in ruins, "OKAY LORD! I QUIT! Here I am! I surrender!"
Its painful, but it hurts SO GOOD. To finally give in to the Lord? There's nothing so freeing then to just let it go!
You cannot be a true worshipper unless you are brought to the end of yourself and allow yourself to be humbled in the sights of a Holy King.

As Fancois Fenelon said so wisely (can't we just soak in this wisdom?): "

All our falls are useful if they strip us of a disastrous confidence in ourselves, while they do not take away a humble and saving trust in God."

This next posture just blows me out of the water: this is something the Lord is really working in my heart about, and if you let Him, He'll work in yours as well...

Undignified worship. I like to call it "Awkward Worship" because that's what it is: awkward. God's really been pushing me into an awkward state: invictus. having an uncomfortable spirit... being uncomfortable in worship - being so awkward that I CAN'T say that I did a polished job and that the only thing I CAN say is, "well... it wasn't for the people anyway... It was for God."

God has been bringing me to this point a LOT lately... its REALLY awkward. Did I say that?! Because I've never felt this awkward since 7th grade! But that's okay - "True worship always forgets itself" and true love never counts the cost.
I'm learning that in order for me to trust the Lord the way He wants me to, I need to stop counting the cost, and allow Him to shake me and change me and make me totally uncomfortable in such a way that the only thing for me to do that IS comfortable.. is to seek His face and worship Him with a whole heart.

The unpredictable worshipper is one that shakes the church... THE Church, and thank the Lord for the ALLOWANCE of unpredictable worship. This chapter was based off of the woman who washed Jesus' feet with her tears. It said,

"It was the act of a woman who had not been tamed by cynical religious attitudes...it was the worship of a woman who didn't know the rules - an unpredictable untamed heart on a quest to see Jesus glorified."

WOW.


Here's the truth that makes me want to WEEP because it says truth so beautifully - Religion must never be allowed to dampen romance.

This truly goes along with undignified worship... with awkward worship. It needs to not know the "rules" sometimes. It throws people off... but it brings them to a REALITY that God wants RAW and REAL, not polished and plastic.

We need to lose the politically correct term of saying "I'm a worship leader" and start saying the truth... "I lead Worshippers".


The Unveiled Worshipper is risking a LOT and yet, that's how it should be: Allowing God to open you up completely to Him... and making you completely vulnerable to Him and to the intimacy He wants with you.
to be unveiled is to be clean and completely trusting...
and what Matt starts to talk about is when you DO COME CLEAN, you realize the need to present yourself as holy and acceptable to Him as possible. We wouldn't wear ripped jeans and a T-shirt to meet the president, would we? How much MORE should be prepare ourselves to come before the King of the Universe?!
He is HOLY. Yes! I can bring myself just the way I am, but If I've TRULY encountered God, I COULDN'T go back to being the same!! I WOULD KNOW I've encountered Him because I WOULD try my best to TURN from the things that hurt Him and present myself to Him beautiful, holy. Pure!


The Unstoppable worshipper is a BOLD worshipper. I think this intimidates people because Christians take this and forget that being an unstoppable worshipper is NOISE unless it is coupled with humility and love. This is close to the unquenchable heart except that THIS posture is turned more outwards to be an example to others. This is the evangelistical heart - not being stopped by little hindrances but being adventurous and creative, stepping out to talk to people about what the Lord has done. Notice that this doesn't have to do with music. This has to do with being a WITNESS for Christ. Witnessing is worship. What is true worship when you praise the Lord on Sunday and then stay silent at work on Monday? The unstoppable worshipper praises and serves the Lord 24/7. They never stop! THAT is what we should strive for! This is what I need to be doing a better job of.


THIS one... this one is my heart in its truest sincerity:
to be an unnoticed worshipper.
Who cares about being up on stage? Who cares about who's watching and who's not...
to offer up worship... as quietly - as privately as possible is what my heart longs to do.

And to be honest, I've been doing a terrible job. Its hard when you're up on stage to not put on a show... Gosh... its REALLY hard. You HAVE to lead them... and you forget that YOU'RE there too... you know?
A true leader of worshippers needs to be devoted in the secret place... when no one else is there. The test for those won't be about the excellence of a played song, or the cleverness of written words, but the integrity.. the godliness of the person leading.

Once again I quote Francois Fenelon who said "make yourself little in the depths of your heart."

CHEW. chew. swallow.
bring it back, chew some more. Chew again. Let it sink in. WOW.

Its in the secret place that counts. How I am convicted.


I am. Right now, I am convicted. I have neglected the Lord. Why? He's given me no reason to! Why? Because I suck, that's why.


The second to last one is... the Undivided worshipper.

This talks about not being distracted. OR being a distraction. For me, this really convicts me about the opposite sex. Am I distracting THEM from the Lord? Are they distracting me? What about work? Am I so busy that I have no time to give God?
is it what I can escape to and pretend that like that's why I couldn't love the Lord like I should?

WOW guys. WE REALLY DO SUCK.

The day I struggle with thoughts about guys is the day I've taken my focus off of God.

its true. I KNOW God doesn't want me to focus on that right now. I KNOW He hasn't revealed a guy in my life. So I KNOW it isn't Him who is giving me thoughts to confuse my focus.

I need to have an undivided heart! It doesn't mean that the things that are distracting me are in themselves a bad thing, but the FACT that they ARE distracting me means that I need to set myself some guidelines and boundaries for my MIND and focus on the Lord. We need to worship Jesus louder then the noise of distractions sometimes... and WOW is that a hard thing to do. "To obey is better then sacrifice".

You can serve serve serve the people around you, but never actually take the time to seek His face.
He calls His disciples unto Him! You may THINK your sacrifice of service is enough, but you're disobeying the call of God. You're being disobedient. We need to remember... There are OTHER servants to do that job... for now, we need to just sit at the feet of Jesus, and take some time with Him.


the last posture of worship is that of an Unsatisfied worshipper. When you begin to understand the necessity of the presence of God and the joy that is found IN it, the world just doesn't cut it anymore. Its dull and shallow and dim in comparison.

The unsatisfied worshipper GETS IT. He gets that he'll never be satisfied until he gets to the thrown-room of God where true worship will be TRULY fulfilled!

With that world-view, NOTHING looks the same anymore! This place isn't our home! This food isn't even close to the feasting on the EVERY word of God we'll be entitled to in heaven! The riches here won't even COMPARE to the Glory of the common ROADS we walk upon in heaven the same way we walk upon concrete! We can't be satisfied any other way except when the presence of GOD is manifested more and more in something. That's the only way we'll even be able to be OKAY with something anymore!


I am so... convicted by this little book.

This is where my heart should be. Is it? CHH. No.
It needs to be though.

wow.


(wanna go back and count how many times I said that expression over and over again?)


I dunno. That's all I got for tonight folks.

a Jesus generation

I've decided we're not real enough with anyone.


I've decided that we're really high on ourselves a LOT. I wish people would see this because I think a lot of the time the older generation of Church is so focused on trying to be righteous before God that they forget that the younger generation needs direction too.


You can't just force something to be when its not! Its a process to get to a place of such perversion, its going to be a process to become right before God!


Just because you're doing a great job doesn't mean others know how too!


I think the Church assumes that young people are just going to pick up on this, but the problem is that we tell people what NOT to do, and oops! We forgot to tell them what we're actual human beings too. So we're fakers. We brush things under a rug and either rape grace for what its worth OR pretend that we're not struggling at all.


Then you've got these young people who see right through it and want nothing to do with it because no one's really willing to

a. keep it real and admit that no matter how old you are, you struggle.


and


b. remember where you came from.



I know, a lot of people say, "yeah, but I'm forgiven for that and thats in the past. So lets forget about it."


Yes, you may be forgiven, but don't think God doesn't want to use that! Your biggest hurt, your biggest struggle, your biggest regret, IS your greatest ministry to people.


They need to know that even the most christianeze people struggle with every day things.

Its the only way people relate!


Its the way Jesus relates to us.

Don't think for one moment that Jesus was never sexually tempted, or that He never had steamy thought run through His head.

You know what made Him perfect? He knew how to grab it and cast it at God's feet, taking every thought captive and choosing to not dwell on those things.


He saw the bigger picture, so it wasn't a match for what His purpose was on the earth. But the point is that there is NOTHING that He hasn't had to deal with.


He was transparent with His guys. He taught based on how He knew people would understand.


Of COURSE He understood why He was there and what He was about to do, but no one ELSE did, so He taught on the terms that they would understand: Stories.


Thats how we should teach as the Church: we need to teach in a way that not only grasps people's attention, but also create personal relation between the story of the cross and the heart of the person.

We can't just expect people to be attracted to something they're not attracted to.


You know what the most timeless thing that will attract anyone in the world at any given time in the history or future?



Love.



simple as that.

They will know us by our love.


If you have it in your heart, it'll come out in all you do.



Love.



The more Love you have, the more people you'll attract.



The more God you have, the more you have Love.



The more you really love people, the more you'll upset your invironment and circle of influence - not negatively, but spiritually.



Seeds are planted, hearts are stired, minds are wreeling.

Curiosity sets in, questions are asked, you let the Son shine.

A passion is awakened, a respect is gained, more thoughts are stired.



its about meeting people where they are, not afraid to get your hands dirty, though wise enough not to allow your heart to be palluted.



Jesus gave His hand to the prostitute to lift her up.

He spit in the sand and put mud on a blind man's eyes.

He called a tax collector to be His companion.

He spent His time with a sailor with a big mouth.

They didn't influence Him, rather, they walked away, never to be the same.


Why? Because He truly loved them.


Not because He talorated their sin, but because He loved their heart.

Because of that, they walked away from their sins.

They followed Jesus.



The generation of today will walk away from their sins if the Church will love them enough to LOVE them like Jesus. To know them like Jesus. To show them grace like Jesus.



Are we up to it?





I gotta say:





we're not doing it if we're on myspace 24/7.

or when we're taking stupid surveys.

or when we're pining over who's our next crush.

or when we're gossiping with our friends.

or when we're writing a blog a day.

or when we're taking pictures of ourselves all the time.

or when we're busy gratifying our laziness.

what an oxymoron.



I write this because I'm doing it. I'm going to do it. I have been doing it.





And I'm writing this to challenge you:



How many people have you witnessed to about what God's doing in your life in the last week?

In the last month?

since the start of the new year?



Now think of how many people you have contact with a day.



Are you doing your part in being the church?


Are you loving people?


Are you worshipping God loudly with your life?


Or are you too busy loving yourself?


And is that love at all? Because that sounds like selfcenteredness to me.


And I gotta tell ya,


faith without love?







Its noise.



Its loud loud noise.








"You can fake a lot of things, but you can't fake the fruit of your life."

the most beautiful thing in the world...

...a worship service filled with a few hundred ppl, where the only musical instrument going is a guitar a strum here or there just to keep everyone on track as the leaders, the vocalists, the instrumentalists step back, arms stretching to the sky as the world seems to shake at the sound of the voices lifting in one sound unto a God whom people proclaim is unreal.


Let me tell you something... when you experience that passion, that deep call of praise as the deepest parts of 200 souls cries out to the deepest part of all infinite, YHWH, you would never be able to bring yourself to say that the God we serve isn't real, with a clean conscience.

It is THE SINGLE most beautiful thing of mass beauty to experience EVER.

The second most beautiful thing in the world is watching a person you've been pouring into GROW RAPIDLY in the Lord, as they GET IT. If there is something I LOVE about youth ministry, its when teens don't stray, they clinge to the cross.

OOOH man. What a blessed woman I am. At barely 19 years of age, I have experienced the true and most FULFILLING joy of ministry: seeing fruit, and fruit abundantly!

These things make me forget about myself. These things make me openly weep with joy, as I write this with tears filling my eyes to a point where all I can see is the blur of the pc screen.

I talked with my brothers both on different nights... and I finally was able to express my hurt over being called "Saintly Sarah" and my parents "Sucess Story". With tears I was able to share that you don't get refined like I am without a price. I know that Jesus paid the ultimate price, but I've also paid a price to be like Jesus. I've been through much pain. I've been through much anger. I've loved wholey, and I've been rejected entirely. Little things that made me a more beautiful person were expressed to my brothers as I was able to share encouragement on what they're going through because (though not situationally) I went through the same spiritual struggle they are (and may I add, continue to, each to a different degree and level.)

I think I gained respect and understanding from them, which weirdly enough is important to me. They are both younger then me, 16 and 14, and yet their understanding of who I am and why means much more then I thought it ever would. I love my family. I love them with all my heart. I hate many things about our dynamics, but its those very things that remind me how real they are... and how much they're grown in Jesus.

Words will never express how thankful I am for them. I'll miss them... very very much.

God knew I'd need my family.

I once told Him I hated them. I hated being apart. I hated being the oldest. I hated everything about them.

7 years later... (what a beautiful number) ... I'm saying the most oposite, most wonderful and real thing:

I love them. I think I need to tell God that more often. I love being apart, though I know its time for me to follow God out into His will for my life. I LOVE being the oldest, though it hurts to know that the younger my siblings go, the less involved I'll be with them, and that hurts like.... I don't know. I regret the inevitable. I love most everything about them. Their loudness, their REALness. They're "THEMness". I don't think I express my thankfulness enough for them. I need to tell God that more often.

I will.



until then, my heart is longing for a beautiful old place where I hope the Lord sends me... ywam is looking like a lovely orginization! I'm praying for a true releasing to go there.

I hope I'm released. Maybe I'm just waiting for the nudge.

Dear Lord, NUDGE ME!

We join the Angels' Song

Okay, so Worship was pretty awesome last night.
We had some new stuff and practice didn't start until 20 after because nothing was set up, everything was out of place and a soundguy never showed up. PM had to help us with everything (because I don't know what goes where and HOW on stage. I can only do the sound board, if anything.)

But it was a little stressful, just because nothing was working and it was just a long busy day and no one knew the songs.

So we had a rough start and we practiced right up until people came in at 7. We had an ice breaker that was 10 minutes long, which was good because the second we all put down our instruments, Zach, Ben, McKenna and Anna said VERY strongly, "We NEED to pray." haha. I know we need to pray before actually leading, but I was pleasently surprised by these kids' discernment that they were NOT about to get through that service unless they did. We all held hands tightly and prayed hard. To be honest, we all screwed up alot, but it was an awesome experience because we were all relying on God to use our musical talent, and also the Holy Spirit to lead us. I knew I wasn't the Leader, God was. And so even though we messed up a bit, God led us in what I THOUGHT was a good passionate cry. There was one song that I really wanted to do with fervor, and I think we've played it like a contemperary worship song so far. But last night, I wanted the team to stomp on satan when they played. We did the song, "You Never Let Go" and it was the coolest thing because we sang ocapella the pre chorus.

And I will fear no Evil. For my God is with Me. And if my God is with me, Whom then thall I fear? Whom than shall I fear?

And we just stomped it out. We sang it Loud. We stepped into being the Children of God who live in FREEDOM. and it was the COOLEST thing! I just backed off for a second and had them sing it out.

and we've never actually ended it like this, but we ENDED on the Pre chorus ocapella.
it just ended with, "Whom them shall I fear? Whom then shall I fear?" and it was the coolest statement of truth and it rang clear and loud for the world to hear. It was absolutely the most beatiful thing I've seen so far. Its like my heart CRIES OUT in joy when I see these young people lift ONE VOICE to the King of Kings AS the King of Kings. They're beginning to learn how to give Him the Glory because He IS Glorious!

I was so proud of my fellow sisters and brothers.
the last song was the revelation song, and it was the first time we've ever done it, and no one knew it very well.

But I KNOW God got the glory in that song too.
I overheard someone say I butchered the song and it sucked because it was their favorite song.

I have something to say to that:

obviously whoever said it was too busy judging to really praise Him in it. Give a little grace, okay? we didn't have enough time to practice, and first time stuff never sounds right the first time. And if for whatever reason it was because I just didn't have the right voice for it, you can tell God about it, because this is the voice He gave me, and THAT is the voice that led 140 kids into worship with that song. Please know guys, that that wasn't said out of pride. It is said out of fact. I KNOW it didn't go so well, but you know? C'mon! Who is anyone to judge?! We'll do better next time.




So anyway, it was so awesome and I was so proud and I can't wait for the retreat!

I am SO looking forward to what God wants to do with His Church.