New Song! "If this is Gold"

He restores my soul. He leads me in the right paths for His name's sake. Psalm 23:3


In the past few months I've been going through some relational things with a few of my dearest friends which ultimately conclude in remembering we aren't our own.  Our friendships are gifts, to whatever extent they are given by God.

I've been wanting a song to come out of my heart for a while now but this past weekend, within 20 minutes my journal entry became the very lyrics of my song, word for word.

And!  I'd like to share them with you all!

If this is Gold
by Sarah Faith

Its been quite the journey,
the paths that we're hiking
with you on the other side of the trees
going to the same way
our paths never crossing
yet we're sharing all the same scenes

Its been wonderful to
holler to you over the brush
it does my soul good to know
you care just as much

If this is real gold
it will remain through the fires of time
and the embers of change
but if this is wood
an idol we've made, it wont last in the flame
and we wouldn't want it anyway

Oh, I'm realizing lately
that our paths may not coincide forever
Life, God's been teaching me
can only come from seeds of buried treasures

Its been wonderful to
have a friend who gets where I'm at
but if you must go than run!  Just as fast as you can
(and I will bless you, my friend.)

Cus if this is gold,
it will remain through the fires of time
and the embers of change
but if this is wood,
just an idol I've made it won't last in the flame
and I wouldn't want it anyway

I was told "if you love it let it go"
I treasure you my friend, but you were never mine to hold
so with my deepest prayers,
I challenge you to fly
and if its God's will maybe someday our paths will intertwine
(but today is not that time)

But if its real gold,
it will remain through the fires of time
and the embers of change
but if its fire wood
an idol I've made, it won't last in the flame
and I'm looking for the real thing

But if this is real gold....
if this is real gold....
(only fire will show)


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I'm pleased that it so well speaks my heart on the issue of letting go of our friendships to allow God to move them as He pleases.
I'm blessed that He chose to give this song for me to write down and I hope the lyrics bless my readers.

Well off to bed with me!
I shall write soon,

Sarah

Over and Round About Again

I finally have my new song up!  I'm re-posting my blog entry from March so you can have the lyrics.  The song is located under "My Songs" tab on the top of this blog.  Read along!

ps:  the recording isn't that great since I didn't have time to put finishing touches, but at least its up for people to get a feel for the sound.  :)

3/19/11 

I just wrote a new song... I've very excited about it since it says everything I want it to... its just where the very core of my heart is right now.  Awesome, awesome stuff that  God can give you even when you don't deserve it.  And trust me... the things I've said to Him in the past 2ish weeks... I really, REALLY am learning His grace on a new level.  Forget being saved most of my life.  I'm being saved every day of my life.  And praise God for His gentleness and patience with me.  Maybe I'll see Him a little clearer this year.  I hope so.  Thank you to all my followers and for caring enough to read my little hearts rantings!  Hopefully we'll get the song recorded and up sometime too!
much love in Jesus,

Sarah Faith

Over and Round About Again
by muah
3-12-2011
Just when I felt good enough
my heart and words aren't matching up
I go from great to sinking deep
into the pits of my insecurities

And this is where I guess I learn Your grace
When I stop seeing myself and I seek Your face

And now You're moving me to grow
expanding Yourself to break down all I've know
I go from great to very small
submitting myself from not having feared You at all

And this is where I guess I work out my faith
And I'm tired of where I've been and its time for a change
And this is where I guess I learn Your grace
When I stop seeing myself and I seek Your face

Time to stop lying to myself
I confess my rebellion. God, I need Your help
I wanna lay down these plastic pearls
Open wide my heart, God, You've been faithful to this Girl
Open wide my heart God, You've been faithful

and this is where I know I learn Your grace
And this is where I know I'm tested in my faith
and this is where I know my testimony holds
when my word matches my heart and my faith's worth more than gold

Over and round about again
I'm a fool to think that this would be the end
So I'll cling to what You've said
When I see You as You are I'll be perfected
When I see You as You are...

He Makes All Things New

Hm.



2010.


it feels weird to write that, hehe.




God.... has absolutely blown me away this past year.

The year of 2009.


And - I have great expectation that He's not through with me yet.

In a nutshell, I will try to compose my rendition of what I have learned in 2009:


1. Redemption - takes every picture of my life where I feel condemned or ashamed - He reaches down with His mighty hand, touches the "me" I see and changes me into the person He sees from beginning to end - and makes me radiant in His purity and righteousness.

2. Vision - God has given me vision for what my life is supposed to look like! I don't have to answer with, "well, I know I'm called to full time ministry but I don't know how its going to look," anymore when people ask. I can respond with, "I'm a prayer missionary. I minister first to the Lord, and then to His people."
And it can look like so many different things... but I think thats where the adventure comes in.

3. Garden - my heart. Not a little country garden gated in by a lil picket fence on the side of a dirt road with a bunch of other gardens waiting to be explored, with much more beauty and exotic flowers to allure - no. I am a locked garden - surrounded by massive iron gates, with a Man that jealously guards my heart and my mind with His peace.

4. Treasure - whoa. I'm still wrapping my mind around this one. I'm thinking II Corinthians 4, and Matthew 13 and Proverbs 31. Treasure in jars of clay, treasure hidden in a field, pearl of great price, and an excellent wife who's worth is far above rubies or jewels.

5. Love - without expectation. Without expectation of reciprocation AND ... HERES the recent kicker: without expectation of NO reciprocation. THIS idea has been growing me up quite a bit, in my walk with the Lord.


ps: number 5? Super risky. Big big big big trust thing with the Lord.


6. Stirring - up old dreams, old desires, new dreams, new desires and.... having to come to a place of acknowledging them and being honest with the fact that they ARE in fact - MY dreams and desires. Not sure what God has in store for this developing thing, but I'm thinking He will be faithful and continue His good work on through this next year. :) I'll let you know how it works out.

7. Songs - Love Songs, New Songs, Old Songs, Hymns and Spiritual Songs.
"I save my sweetest love songs for Jesus."
Its just... true. Singing songs that have never left my lips until the moment they do, singing old songs that touch my heart in a way I can't explain - they were sung to me as lullabies. Singing hymns that are written in such a way and sung with such conviction that my heart nearly explodes with appreciation for the legacy I get to embrace and run with the baton for my part of the race. And - Songs that sound like angels.



I guess an overall word? Restoration.


I don't know. But I'm glad I don't. Its time to see whats next with the Lord. He always keeps me on my toes.

I like that.




:)


Did I mention?





I'm in love.

She, with unveiled face...

Yes, It has been a while since I've written my thoughts out for the world ... the small of the world that I reach, that is. Be as it may, the Lord is moving in me like I've never experienced before.

I will say I'm GROWING.

I'm frustrated with the amount of flaw I see in myself because I'm trying so hard, and THEN I'm OFFENDED in my little heart when others SAY they see my flaws too.
hah! What can you do? I can't win for losing, it seems. like I said. I'm still growing.

Dreams.

Desires.

Longings of the Heart.

These are things I'm being faced with in my walk with the Lord as of late, and whats funny is that YES! I am being FACED with them.

I am finding myself in a place where the Lord has brought out all of my most precious desires, dreams, longings. The things that are dearest to my soul - he's brought them out from behind lock and key and is holding them out for me to see. But for me, be what it may seem to everyone around me, to look at these things cause a great deal of pain in my life. For a few weeks I stood before the Lord and pointed my little finger in the air and denied them as ever having been my own.

But that doesn't deter the Father. His hand still held them before me.
Of course, there is no way that I would be able to deny Him for long, since He KNOWS me. AND - I know me. This whole denial thing is pointless, really. So we move on in the process. I admit that yes, those ARE indeed my desires. But the acknowledgment of those desires does something for me that I wasn't necessarily expecting: They become real and quite tangible to me. Those aren't JUST the deepest desires of my heart.... THEY ARE the deepest things of my heart - and I want it all desperately.

Which sucks. Because I've been pretty good at being strong about this for quite some time.

So this weekend, it hits its climax with the reality that - um - there's not a single notion of certain things that I desire, at all in front of me. And it was here in this place I found that my most precious sacrifice of love at this time in my life was to lay down all that I've ever longed for - before the Lord in humble submission.

Isn't that what being a follower is all about? Whatever the cost?

I could sit here and write about counting the cost of love to the Lord.
But that would be folly in the light of the price He has paid without batting an eyelash.
Its not about the cost anyway. Its about how great the Love.

I'm ... absolutely in love with the Lord. Hah! - I sit here thinking about what I DON'T have... but the truth is, I have it ALL, when I'm with Him. I'm not lacking a thing. And I'm glad to say that in all of my immaturity and in all the times I don't live up to my claim, Its His grace that allows me to be bold in my confidence and live with an unveiled radiance of freedom and glory.

His grace is the covering over all of my nakedness - all of my ugliest parts, still being worked out of me. Hah, and how Jesus loves us more than Noah's sons loved him and covered him!

I'm beginning to touch the surface of what real love might be. And what real love begins to look like towards others, when I've been loved sufficiently - His grace, being enough to perfect me in Him.

I've been writing a lot lately in my personal journals and a song kind of slipped out from somewhere inside. First time in probably 2 years, actually.
I'd love to share it with you - and also - KNOW that it is subject to be added to in the future. But for now, Here I GO.

Here I Go Again (revised)
by Sarah Faithy (as always) 11-2-09

Here I go again
and I'll direct my prayers by the point of my pen
and I don't even know who you are
But for you, dear One, my heart is set apart

I'm a garden enclosed
safe within the cleft of the rocks
I'm a mystery
I'll captivate you with one glance


This will be something beautiful
Oh the Love of God is powerful (wonderful)
Underneath the shadow in the secret place
that's where you'll find me - I will be waiting.

As I fall for the Lord
I find I'm beginning to love you more
and I don't even know your name
but I don't need convinced that you're worth the wait

My beloved and my friend
you are distinguished among ten thousand
make haste, my betrothed
be like a deer and leap over the mountains, into your garden

:)

Time to Disperse Some New Material

So its been a while since I've put up anything new in the way of songs for all of you to see the lyrics. I know I've been writing a lot lately, but I don't know. I guess when you've got some time and you've got a lot coming to you, you go with the flow.

Lets go with the newest song sooooo far.

First King Nineteen (Its Where You Find Me)

by Sarah Faith
late october early november, 2008 – small group worship time. A prohetically sung song during worship.


Fire falls from heaven
the sky fills up with flair,
I searched for you, Lord
But I found that you were not there.

The earth quakes with Your power
the mountains shake with fear
I looked for a trumpet or.. Something
But found that You were not there.

The wind came and blew over
pulling through my hair
I listened for a whisper
but even then You were not there.


CHORUS

It was Your still, small voice
and its speaking to my heart
and its Your sweet, soft love
and it sweeps me to where You are


BRIDGE

Child, what are you doing here?
Child - What are you doing here?
Stop looking at whats falling out
open your eyes to see what I see now..

listen for...

CHORUS2

My still, small voice
as I speak right to your heart
and its My sweet, soft Love
that meets you right where you are.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Cry of a Sinner

By Sarah F. G
7/3/08-7/9/08

Sometimes I forget that this is not my home
Sometimes I forget that I’m not alone
And sometimes I forget that I’m alive
When all I’ve known comes crashing down before my very eyes

And this is my binding creed
This is what makes me, what breaks me

Lord you have me all the way through
I’ll drink of Your cup, walk on the billows blue
I understand that seasons change,
But you promise me that You stay the same
Yesterday, today and forever.

There’s no sense on dwelling on what is gone
Nor in wishing what’s true isn’t true.
So let my hope rise with the wind that blows my hair in my face
And whisk me off to the now of a new day

But this is my binding creed
This is what makes me, what breaks me

Lord you have me all the way through
I’ll drink of Your cup, walk on the billows blue
I understand that seasons change,
But you promise me that You stay the same
Yesterday, today and forever.

Life happens to all of us, you and me
But it all happens for a reason
So let my bitterness roll away with the stone from His grave
And let me rise with the Son who saves [it’s a new day]

And this is my victory
This is what makes me free

Lord you have me all the way through
I’ll drink of Your cup, walk on the billows blue
I understand that seasons change,
But you promise me that You stay the same
Yesterday, today and forever.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Finding Myself Lost
(To Live what One Sings)

By Sarah F. G.
6/10/08-6/12/08

Verse 1
I remember having high hopes for my life
I could look out and almost see myself in flight
And now I sit here on this floor
As I find the depth of life is so much more

Pre-Chorus
It’s moving and it’s seeing by His word

Verse 2
There are many who’ve answered Your call
So why do I feel so alone, left to weigh out it all
I look down through my tears
And I see my legs are broken, and that I’m facing my fears

Chorus1
And now I find myself in Your heart
Starting to see things the way You are
I now that You found me, I know
That to lose myself in You, I must let go





Verse 3****
I feel like I’ve just left boot camp
I don’t feel like a loser, but sure don’t feel like a champ
I morn the loss of familiar ways
But I’m following God, and he’s not there anymore
He’s on to a brand new day


Chorus 2
And I’ll find myself where You are
As I see things the way You are
I’ll press on to all that is new
I’ll go through it all to see that I grew
I grew in You

Bridge
I’ve built a callous to all the pain
And the first time I’m way, I realize all I have to gain
My little hurts all come out of hiding
Each one met with mercy and healing – I’m healing

Pre-Chorus
I see that praying and waiting on the Lord,
Is what moves me to live by His word…

Chorus 3
And I find myself wrapped in Your arms
No counterfeit could touch Your part
As I allow You to make me whole
My life matters less and You matter more

**** I'm not really sure how to rewrite this verse but its not to my liking so I'm working on it still. This little message is to state that its subject to change. :) thank you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well guys, thats it. Those are the new songs of the year.
Its definitely not easy to write songs and I've not written some in a loooong time. But I knew that God was working deep and that at some point I was going to be able to write. But you know? Its like I need God's annointing. I can't just write like that. I have to be under His blessing to freely write. Otherwise, it just never works. Anyway, these songs have been formed out of a truly broken heart before the Lord. I hope they bless you and meet you where you are today. I know they do for me. I guess.... they're like prayers. An expression of a heart deeply seeking for someone to hear it. Jesus is the Great Listener. And the most wonderful part about it, guys, is that He sees what the world does not - what even I cannot. He sees me.

Have a lovely evening!

--Sarah Faith

ps: all of this is copyrighted onto blogger and is in fact a genuine song by me. So in a not so gracious way I'm saying: its not legal to steal my lyrics. Thanks.

I laughed because the truth is, I really AM a sinner without Christ!!

I would like to insert something I wrote to a friend on our blog this time last year, into this one. The truth is startling and absolutely full of laughter for its truth. I busted out and laughed at myself!

God is showing me the pride I sensed in myself but was never mature enough to face OR understand HOW to because it was so great and deep within myself.

I mean really? before, I would admit that I'm screwed up, but somehow get this twisted idea that there was no point to have to repent ABOUT it because you would screw up again anyway and why would God want you to do THAT if you didn't mean it?

So God has in a process actually said to me, "So you say you're screwed up."

"Yes" I say. "I am Definitely screwed up."
"Then you need to repent every day."
"Why? I'll just screw up again."
"Thats why I say my mercies are renewed every morning."
"But if I repent everyday that would mean..."
"that would mean that you screw up everyday..."
".....................wow................"
"Shocker isn't it?"
"........................wow................."
"You aren't perfect, are you?"
"..............wow.............you're right. I'm not............"
"Thats why you need it EVERY MORNING."
".....................wow....................I do!..........."



And so I have finally realized that I always held myself to a standard of perfection which in itself is an imperfect standard... and expected myself to be perfect and got so ashamed of myself if I did something IMperfect. But now I'm being broken down. And all of a sudden... I'm beginning to know my place. that place is, though I have a right to my own thoughts, I have no right to judge. I have no rights, period.



ah.



I'm tired.

I would be tired too, if I had just come up with that!

be reminded, had laugh! We think we're perfect, but the truth is, we think we're perfectly screwed up and we're really not! we're just... screwed up.

Praise the Lord that we are! I would be worried if we weren't!



So here's my next new song that I just finished today.

Enjoy and ask me to do it for you some time!

The Cry of a Sinner
By Sarah F. G-----
7/3/08-7/9/08

Sometimes I forget that this is not my home
Sometimes I forget that I’m not alone
And sometimes I forget that I’m alive
When all I’ve known comes crashing down before my very eyes

And this is my binding creed
This is what makes me, what breaks me

Lord you have me all the way through
I’ll drink of Your cup, walk on the billows blue
I understand that seasons change,
But you promise me that You stay the same
Yesterday, today and forever.

There’s no sense on dwelling on what is gone
Nor in wishing what’s true isn’t true.
So let my hope rise with the wind that blows my hair in my face
And whisk me off to the now of a new day

But this is my binding creed
This is what makes me, what breaks me

Lord you have me all the way through
I’ll drink of Your cup, walk on the billows blue
I understand that seasons change,
But you promise me that You stay the same
Yesterday, today and forever.

Life happens to all of us, you and me
But it all happens for a reason
So let my bitterness roll away with the stone from His grave
And let me rise with the Son who saves [it’s a new day]

And this is my victory
This is what makes me free

Lord you have me all the way through
I’ll drink of Your cup, walk on the billows blue
I understand that seasons change,
But you promise me that You stay the same
Yesterday, today and forever.

God I thank you for my circumstances. Its what the most beautiful perfumes of worship come from, what my most lovely fall comes from. I know that someday I'll see the whole picture and I'll see it through your eyes. But today I recognize that I am but human, and that I do feel loss and pain and betrayal and rejection. I feel hurt. Thank you Jesus for your gift of emotions. Here is my offering to you. Here is my praise for all you've cleaned out of my life... and out of my closet. Praise you Jesus. You are my sweet song. I love you.

I wonder if a week can change my life...

Alive Festival - my first year.

What to think, what to say, what think some more...

It was awesome. There were so many things that went wrong the week before and it was so discouraging, but the truth is that God does what He wants, and that I really didn't have to worry about stuff if what He wants was going to happen anyway, as it so very often does (because He knows what'll happen, so it works into His amazing plan as it always does. Wasn't THAT enlightening?)

So I went to Alive Festival and slept on the hard, cold ground for 3 nights. It was one of those things where you feel like you just want to complain about it except that you ALSO know how good it is for you and how it was your choice to begin with, so you bear it all and somehow take joy in the whole situation... except for when you're tossing and turning all night long *wink*.


I have got to say: I LOVE working behind the scenes. I love working in front ON the scenes. I love just working for God. Honestly, as I worked the booths I worked, I knew that half the bands could've cared less because really, when its being taken care of, you don't have to worry about it. But that didn't matter. I worked knowing that whether those people knew it or not, I was blessing them with my time. I was blessing them with my love to their fans. I was blessing them before God. And it blessed ME to bless them.

Is that selfless? Not really. I totally understand that I got gratification out of it. Its not really why I did it though. Its just where I fit in: serving people when they'll never know I was.

GOD!

I LOVE doing that! I LOVE doing stuff that no one will ever know I did. Its weird to get gushing gratitude. I'm not even telling this to GET recognized either - its just such a JOY that its hard to hold it in!

Talking to the different people I did, God showed me some things.

First, God showed me that God loves these people. He loves every single one of them.

He loves the gorgeous little blond girl that waltzes on by, who looks like she's 24 when in all reality, she's only 14.

He loves the overweight lady with the cane who's having a hard time being on her feet all day.

He loves all the little 12 year old guys who cultivate their long-hair-over-the-eyes-and-think-hawk-nelson-is-a-sissy-band group and who jump off of the high-dives in the middle of the night to impress the girls.

He loves all the guys and girls who pack it all up, leaving their family and friends for weeks on end to tour the different festivals because they're in "the band".

He loves all the people in between.

He loves them all and He wants to love them through me.

He wants to love them through you.


This festival really hit the music in me. I forgot that I love music. I forgot that I love how it draws people - how it makes them forget themselves - how it makes them think of God and the bigger picture. I forgot that it makes my heart sing and my feet dance. I forgot that its the soundtrack to my life.
I forgot that it is worship if I chose it to be.

I think I forgot that its a ministry in itself.

And this is a totally Biblical idea, really. Music being a ministry. David would play his harp before the Lord in the fields. He'd play his harp before the king. No matter where he was, private or performance, he did it as worship unto the Lord, and he was a man after God's own heart.


So I sat back and watched.

Music as a ministry and music as an industry.

I notice that some have been lost in the industry.

I notice that some have been lost in the ministry.

But I must say: its the most lovely thing to find someone who isn't lost in either of those things but rather, that they are lost in Jesus.
Its such a struggle of pride no matter where anyone goes.
No matter what you're interested in or what you want to do with your life, there is a WHOLE SET of pride issues that you need to fight if you want to do it souly for the Lord.



Those are things to think about.

God's reeally been humbling me lately. Its kind of a mix of humiliation and just testing my faith some more. I don't usually like to give satan a lot of credit for whats going on because usually alot of it stems from my own sinful nature and the crap that God has been bringing up and out of me lately but... I've definitely felt like I'm hated by the enemy. I'm reading the Screwtape Letters for the first time, (and ha! it LOOKS like a fast read, but its really not, especially if God's reading it with you. Its a LOT to take in and think about.) and I'm just noticing all of the pitfalls I fall into on a REGULAR basis. Fantasizing being one of them. I'm prone to think about what COULD be when to be honest I'm spending THIS MOMENT living in a NOT guaranteed future. Its a dormant waste of life! Or how about distractions? I'm terribly distracted all the time. The only time I'm almost completely focused is when, well, I'm completely focused like right now. When I write, it drives me nuts when someone is right next to me or even in the same room as me. I HAVE to be by myself. But if something is deliberately being a distraction to me, it freaking annoys me. BUT if its not obvious, it slowly attracts my attention away and before I know it, I've lost all focus on my original focal point all together!

I HATE that!

Why? Because that is exactly how I turn from God. That is exactly how I lose focus on Jesus. Every day I fight to re GAIN focus on Jesus. If I don't meet Him every couple of hours, I'm a gonner and I totally forget Him all together.

I hate that about myself.

Its how Jesus humbles me. I see it and I hate it. But He loves me anyway. That blows me away, folks. It should blow you away too.

He sees the depths of my heart and He loves me the same... He is amazing God.
Its a test of my faith to fight it. But I think God is testing my mind. He says He tests the minds.

"But I, the Lord, search the heart, I test the mind, even to give each man according to his ways, according the results of his deeds." - Jeremiah 17:10

Hmm...


so I wrote a new song. It needs some refining, but you know? So does everything in life. Ask me some time to sing it for you.

To Live what One Sings
By Sarah F. G-------
6/10/08-6/12/08

Verse 1
I remember having high hopes for my life
I could look out and almost see myself in flight
And now I sit here on this floor
As I find the depth of life is so much more

Pre-Chorus
It's praying and it's waiting on the Lord
It’s moving and it’s seeing by His word

Verse 2
There are many who’ve answered Your call
So why do I feel so alone, left to weigh out it all
I look down through my tears
And I see my legs are broken, and that I’m facing my fears

Chorus1
And now I find myself in Your heart
Starting to see things the way You are
I now that You found me, I know
That to lose myself in You, I must let go


Verse 3
I feel like I’ve just left boot camp
I don’t feel like a loser, but sure don’t feel like a champ
I morn the loss of familiar ways
But I’m following God, and he’s not there anymore
He’s on to a brand new day


Chorus 2
And I’ll find myself where You are
As I see things the way You are
I’ll press on to all that is new
I’ll go through it all to see that I grew
I grew in You

Bridge
I’ve built a callous to all the pain
And the first time I’m way, I realize all I have to gain
My little hurts all come out of hiding
Each one met with mercy and healing – I’m healing

Pre-Chorus
I see that praying and waiting on the Lord,
Is what moves me to live by His word…

Chorus 3
And I find myself wrapped in Your arms
No counterfeit could touch Your part
As I allow You to make me whole
My life matters less and You matter more…

++++++++++++++++++

Well, I hope you guys are growing as much as I am. Its the worst, most wonderful thing in the world to be doing all the time.

But alas, it is time for my departure.

So be blessed and find Jesus as your complete joy. He never changes. That is exciting!


:)

God is exciting.

Out On the Table (Where You've Placed Me)

Journal Entry 911.3




Out on the Table (Where You've Placed Me)

By Me

Here I am - Where You've placed me,
There's no place that scares me more
Then this place - I've never been here before.

Here it is - On the table
You know this dream? I've built for years
Twirling skirts, a princess heart
The dream, you know the dream



I've built it up - its all teared down
It hurts so much, once again I'm on the ground
take it Lord, I hate it so
I want it so much that its hard to let it go.



All my plans - kissed - were lovers with
all the fairytales that I read.
they made fun of my head in the clouds
but not one knew what to say when I fell down



I held it up, You let it down
Dreamed it "so long" - I'm on the ground
don't take it Lord, I love it so
But by faith I have to learn to let it go.


So you see, I've strung my soul on my sleeve
Putting trust, in all that I don't see
Young woman - I am? Could it be?


You build it up - and You tear down
You broke my heart, or was it my crown?
So here I bend my knee and face
For I've found my heart tactfully in place

In Your hands - a grain of sand
My thoughts below the sovereign great I Am
In Your time, in Your sight
You make things beautiful, You make things align.

So here I am, Where You've placed me
There's no place that I trust more...

Ouch

you know, Lord?

This sucks.

I feel used, I feel invisible and I feel like just another girl.
It sucks that I feel that way.
Of course, I asked You to use me. I shouldn't be complaining!

me: "Lord!! Use me Use me Use me!!!!!!"
God: "Okay!"

later...

Me: "God!!! I feel so used!"
God: "But you said.."
Me: ".....I'm sorry, this just...I feel like I didn't even benifit from this. I feel like all it did was hurt me and give me a lesson learned."
God: "Sarah..."
Me: "Wait.. I know I'm so selfish. I SHOULDN'T sit here and tell you I didn't get anything out of this and complain. But God... .... and I don't WANT to complain, and I'll try NOT to, Jesus! Its just that... and I know I deserve a lot of what I get, but ... why me? Of all the people who.. I guess the question really is why NOT me? Lord, this hurts, I don't understand but I give this to you. I trust You, Lord. I do. Its just hard. Give me joy."
God: "Sarah, I love you, darling. I will be gentle. You are strong in Me. You'll see. You will dance. You will shout. You will bring glory. Just don't forget Me now. Press on. You'll see My will in due time, dear Child. I love you."

Sigh.

here I am

screwed up

beat up.

feeling hung out to dry.

I feel like an idiot.

I wear my heart on my sleave.

I give and give, and then cry and hurt when people throw it back.
I want to NOT give... but... I'm meant to.
and I screwed up.
maybe thats why this hurts more... because of my choices.
I didn't guard my heart.


sigh.

but its not broken.
and I'm not strong.

But God Is.


thats all the reason I need.

We join the Angels' Song

Okay, so Worship was pretty awesome last night.
We had some new stuff and practice didn't start until 20 after because nothing was set up, everything was out of place and a soundguy never showed up. PM had to help us with everything (because I don't know what goes where and HOW on stage. I can only do the sound board, if anything.)

But it was a little stressful, just because nothing was working and it was just a long busy day and no one knew the songs.

So we had a rough start and we practiced right up until people came in at 7. We had an ice breaker that was 10 minutes long, which was good because the second we all put down our instruments, Zach, Ben, McKenna and Anna said VERY strongly, "We NEED to pray." haha. I know we need to pray before actually leading, but I was pleasently surprised by these kids' discernment that they were NOT about to get through that service unless they did. We all held hands tightly and prayed hard. To be honest, we all screwed up alot, but it was an awesome experience because we were all relying on God to use our musical talent, and also the Holy Spirit to lead us. I knew I wasn't the Leader, God was. And so even though we messed up a bit, God led us in what I THOUGHT was a good passionate cry. There was one song that I really wanted to do with fervor, and I think we've played it like a contemperary worship song so far. But last night, I wanted the team to stomp on satan when they played. We did the song, "You Never Let Go" and it was the coolest thing because we sang ocapella the pre chorus.

And I will fear no Evil. For my God is with Me. And if my God is with me, Whom then thall I fear? Whom than shall I fear?

And we just stomped it out. We sang it Loud. We stepped into being the Children of God who live in FREEDOM. and it was the COOLEST thing! I just backed off for a second and had them sing it out.

and we've never actually ended it like this, but we ENDED on the Pre chorus ocapella.
it just ended with, "Whom them shall I fear? Whom then shall I fear?" and it was the coolest statement of truth and it rang clear and loud for the world to hear. It was absolutely the most beatiful thing I've seen so far. Its like my heart CRIES OUT in joy when I see these young people lift ONE VOICE to the King of Kings AS the King of Kings. They're beginning to learn how to give Him the Glory because He IS Glorious!

I was so proud of my fellow sisters and brothers.
the last song was the revelation song, and it was the first time we've ever done it, and no one knew it very well.

But I KNOW God got the glory in that song too.
I overheard someone say I butchered the song and it sucked because it was their favorite song.

I have something to say to that:

obviously whoever said it was too busy judging to really praise Him in it. Give a little grace, okay? we didn't have enough time to practice, and first time stuff never sounds right the first time. And if for whatever reason it was because I just didn't have the right voice for it, you can tell God about it, because this is the voice He gave me, and THAT is the voice that led 140 kids into worship with that song. Please know guys, that that wasn't said out of pride. It is said out of fact. I KNOW it didn't go so well, but you know? C'mon! Who is anyone to judge?! We'll do better next time.




So anyway, it was so awesome and I was so proud and I can't wait for the retreat!

I am SO looking forward to what God wants to do with His Church.

Sing to the Lord a New Song.

so I wrote a new song. it has almost a messianic sound to my "Sarah" sound.

Anyway,

enjoy the lyrics.


My Attempt to Glorify.

By Sarah Faith


I've tried and cannot express the way You are
Radiance and splender are no-dimension words by far
and You're bigger than my thoughts, Oh God.

From one breathe of Your lips, the stars were formed and shaped.
In the span of Your great hand You hold and call each one by name.
Who is man that You would think thoughts towards me?
Who am I to You in this vast galaxy?

[I am a vapor, a wave on the sand. just one in a billion
and yet you take my hand.]

As Your Lightnings blast the skies
the oceans roar all Your praise
the mountains tremble as the earth quakes in Your name.
And who am I that all that I have to bring
are some simple chords strummed to a melody?

[up from the dust I'm called - thats me
somehow resembling powerful Beauty]

Rescuer, Your name is chilvary
Highest One, You're Right arm is Mighty
Fire goes forth before Your mouth to consume my enemies
YHWH, Father, my Hero and my King.

Stepping into creation You painted with Your hand
Forming to our custums, confined to our sinners land
Who are You that You would care enough to be
so degraded to save us - to show You know our needs?

[letting us abuse you with all of our shame
ignorant that we had hung you on a tree You yourself had made...]

Rescuer - You won us on a tree
Healer - Your wounds are mine for me
Highest One, Praise from my mouth won't cease
YHWH, Abba, to You I bow my knee.




~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

the words in brackets are optional.



anyway, thats my song and my sisters love it (at the point no one besides them has heard it sooo....)


anyway, be blessed.

New song.

I wrote a new song. I guess none of you really know when I do anymore... but the truth is, its been a while.

I have decided though, that I'm going to begin writing a journal series of Songs.

Thus, I will post my most recent, and the begining of this new series.


Journal Entry: 911.1

By Sarah Faith



When did Life become so tough?
Its seems just like yesterday
the world was at my fingertips
now all I know is Pain - (the World's name)

Jesus I feel so stupid
Cause I just don't understand
Your ways are far above my ways
But Lord, I feel like I've been had - (I'm strugg'ling)

Chorus

But I know that this will last a moment,
and I know, this season will pass soon
All I see is a fraction of my lifetime
so I'll stand on what is true, I will trust in You.


So I look over all my time
I take my journalled words and make then rhyme
cut them out & apply them to the tree
the foot of which I lay all and bow my knee - (weeping)


ending chorus

Child I know & this will last a moment.
and its hard, but this will all end soon.
All you see is a fraction of your lifetime,
just stand on what is true, and I will carry you.



-~`*'~--~`*'~--~`*'~--~`*'~--~`*'~--~`*'~--~`*'~--~`*'~--~`*'~--~`*'~-



right out of my heart.

the point 1 on the end of the number is so that I may write another song "point 2".

But right now, thats what I have.

Thats what God and I are in and where we are right now.

and... for the first time in the last 6 months, I have a beautiful peace within my soul.

THank you Father, for carrying me through.