My Thoughts on "the One" Theory.

I'm not going to lie, this whole conversation really made me think about what I really believed and God took the opportunity to correct my heart a little.

I've always believed that God has that "One special person" for everyone.
Sept... not everyone CARES to have a "One special someone" out there so much as just whomever they choose would  BE that person.

I mean, I absolutely DO!  Its been on my heart for a decade now to pray for my future husband - that one special person who's just going to get me and know me and understand me.

But God gave me a reality check - just because I've done that, doesn't mean everyone ELSE has.
AND?  Its okay.


God kinda gave me a picture - not a completely accurate one, but a picture none the less of the way this might work.

Esther.  The story about a courageous woman who somehow was chosen above hundreds of other beautiful women to be queen.

Here's the pitch:  hundreds of girls go through a YEAR of beautification and then get to choose what they're going to wear and what they're going to bring with them for their "one night with the king."
AWESOME!  Right?

Esther says to the guy in charge, "I don't want to choose.   You know the king better.  YOU give me what you think is best."


I'm not saying I'm Esther.

What I'm saying is - not everyone thinks to ask God for the best in their love life AND - not everyone is supposed to.

But Esther asked for the best.  And she got it.

Its okay if a small handful of people choose to ask God what HE thinks is best.  It may be that their's is a story that will impact hundreds of people like Esther's.

Will MY story impact hundreds of people?  You know?  If it brings people to a fuller knowledge of Christ, then YES,  I WANT it to.  But if it just impacts the people I directly communicate with on a day to day basis, then thats okay too.  The idea is to inspire others to seek out God's best for them.  It may not be in finding a mate, but it COULD mean that they need to ask God for the best in the job realm or in the career path, or in the financial arena, etc.

So do I believe in "The One" Theory?  Yes.  Do I believe its for everyone?  No.

Do I care if my future husband believes that he can just pick anyone and thats good enough for him?

...um.... yes.

I don't want to be a number.

"Oops, this girl didn't work so lets try this one.  OH!  NOT that one, never mind.  maybe this one...." until he comes around to little 'ol Sarah who finally  says yes to him.

I'm sorry but thats not okay with me.  I'd like to think that AT LEAST if the guy I'm supposed to marry isn't thinking about his future wife and praying for her, that he'd be too worried about what God's doing in his life to play the dating game without true intentions of finding the person who could match him in his walk with the Lord.

Those are my own feelings about it, honestly.  I'm not saying its completely right, but if I was trying to please everyone with my opinions, I would've stopped writing in this blog a long time ago.
:)

Those are my thoughts.

-Sarah

Lord, forgive us, for we knew not what they see...

What we should be to the World:





What we look like to the World:





I understand that this is very graphic and I cry with a deep sob as I look at the picture right above my writing.
It was almost too inappropriate for me to post,
and so I must tell you, my dear readers, that is exactly why I chose to.

This is what the world sees, in essence, of Christianity.
The pure perversion so pains my heart that I can barely keep my thoughts together.

One object still rings out in my head: this is how we, The Church, look to most people.

Just as disgusting as the rest of the world, except we say we have Christ.

FILTH.



For those of us who think killing children - unborn babies, is okay, their blood is on OUR hands.

For those of us who don't pray against this terror, their blood is on our heads.

For those of us who choose to wear the christian garb as we blatantly live in sin - be it gossip, lust, jealousy, complacency, lukewarmity, and outright bitterness and pride - we look as disgusting as this man and bare the irony of his image.


My heart breaks.

I will continue my plea that God would so move my heart and so shake my soul that I can do nothing but work against what we've portrayed; that I can do nothing but love on people and actively live out what I believe.

I refuse to be UnChristian.

I will pledge myself to the call of Christ: to Have no other gods besides YHWH, and to love my neighbor as I love myself, even if it means to lay down my life - while I still live.



O Church - reveal the true Bride of Christ and separate yourselves from Babylon's Whore.

A Bout of Humor - Don't be a Fly, Boys.

some
"Invisible" lyrics
by: clay Aiken

Whatcha’ doin’ tonight
I wish I could be a fly on your wall
Are you really alone...
If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room...

I have a Bible verse for this [Ahem]

"All flying insects that creep on all fours shall be an abomination to you." Leviticus 11:20

The first time I heard Clay's song, I was a tad disturbed. Um... Ok... the guy wants to WATCH his prefered girl in HER ROOM?? Am I the only one who caught that as everyone else sang happily along with the new Hit Single played over and over again at the time? My thoughts summed up in one very distinct word and sound?!

"SICKO!"

OBVIOUSLY, God was talking about more then just the little annoying insects that make their way into our homes on a daily basis. Whether it was in context or not, God was writing to those girls out there who are considering whether they should let a guy who wants to be a fly on her wall with no hesitation to ideals of stalking, into her heart!!!


SO!


Sarah's Rule of Pointer NUMBRE UNO:

GUYS: DON'T be a creep.

Leviticus 11:41a - And every creeping thing that creeps...SHALL be an abomination

GIRLS: when you get tired of them, Under NO curcumstances should you tell them you wish you would, could, or you WILL eat them with either a smile or a scowl on your face!

Leviticus 11:41b - IT SHALL NOT BE EATEN.

Ergo Sarah Concludes: guys, don't be flies, and girls? Keep a fly-swatter in your room.


Signing off as she leaves her readers to hopeful cachinnation, farewell!

Lord, would you help me write another song?

Hm, so. Okay.

A comment on my last blog got me thinking.

Romance is supposed to be renewed, right?


Okay. I'm done wallowing. YES. I've been wallowing. I've needed to wallow.

I've been wallowing because, gosh, now I know what it feels like to be pursued and treated like a princess (uhh... mostly.)
I know what I've been missing out from. I guess thats why I feel sorry for myself a little, but you know? Why would God allow me to experience something like that and give me less the next time? Because...

He DID give me this something beautiful.
He allowed me to experience a great amount of romance - sweet and wonderful.
But He also allowed me to experience pain. A great deal of pain.
Why?
"Why me?!" I sometimes ask God.

"Why not you, Sarah?" was the reply.

"But, I feel so used, Lord!"

"But you said, 'use me'."

"Yes, but... but... this hurts!"

"I know, sweetheart."

*tears*

"Nevertheless, not my will, but Yours be done."




I don't know. I'm just done wallowing.

Maybe I need to renew my romance with the Lord.

I think thats what it is that I need to do right now. I love Jesus, I need to start showing Him better. I need to start doing things for him, telling him how much I care about him. Spending time with him, singing to him, possibly drawing him nearer? Is there a way to draw him unto myself like you would a regular guy? I don't know. I mean, love, and the whole idea of flirting and attracting someone, is all part of the whole picture of LOVE, is it not? So if God made me to do that, maybe I SHOULD do that... with God.

Maybe I should allow God to woo me, to call me out.

Maybe look at God as my Lover as well as my Friend?

Is that even possible? It will be hard. I never see Him. Sigh. Thats always my problem. I always have to have faith that God will reveal Himself to me in time, just like I have to have faith that God has someone out there for me.. even though I can't see.

I almost hate that I'm so attracted to romance. I wish I could say that I'm better then that, that I'm harder then that. That I'm not as pathetic as that.

Unfortunately, I am not. AND I have feelings too. I feel a great deal.

You know, I feel brushed aside sometimes by people. I feel like since I happen to be trying with all my heart to do the right thing in all of this, people go, "good for you! You're soooooooooo amazing!"

What?! No. I am NOT amazing. I suck. If most of you knew, you wouldn't think that. I struggle. I struggle to let things go. I struggle to let things grow. I hurt. I feel like it wasn't fair. I sit there and smile at people and tell them thatGod is in control, but then I go home and I cry and cry and cry, and ask God why I deserved any of this.

Do you know how wrong it is to really actually ask God why, eSPECIALLY since I wasn't there when He created the heavens, the earth and creation? Who the heck am I to ask why?

and yet I have the guts to ask anyway. Why? Because God allows for me to be imperfect. He understands. He understands when I vent my frustrations.
Thats why I love him.

I could cuss Him out, and He'd still bless me. He'd still listen. And He showed me that actually, He'd rather have me cuss Him out then not talk to Him at all.

...you know? He's so good to us. I don't understand this, but His demensions to love us far surpasses ours.

I mean really? Why and how does He love us with a love that is bigger then US? Why?

I dunno. All I know is that I want more of that love. I want more of Him in my life.

"More Love, more power, more of you in my life. More faith, more passion, more of you in my life. And I will worship You, with all of my heart. and I will worship you, with all of my mind. And I will worship You with all of my strenth. You are my Lord, You are my Lord."

Sarah is growing again. and no, its not height-wise, thank you. Nore is it mustache-wise. Its my spiritual-eyes. *wink*. yes yes, I'm still my same old Sarah self.

Ouch

you know, Lord?

This sucks.

I feel used, I feel invisible and I feel like just another girl.
It sucks that I feel that way.
Of course, I asked You to use me. I shouldn't be complaining!

me: "Lord!! Use me Use me Use me!!!!!!"
God: "Okay!"

later...

Me: "God!!! I feel so used!"
God: "But you said.."
Me: ".....I'm sorry, this just...I feel like I didn't even benifit from this. I feel like all it did was hurt me and give me a lesson learned."
God: "Sarah..."
Me: "Wait.. I know I'm so selfish. I SHOULDN'T sit here and tell you I didn't get anything out of this and complain. But God... .... and I don't WANT to complain, and I'll try NOT to, Jesus! Its just that... and I know I deserve a lot of what I get, but ... why me? Of all the people who.. I guess the question really is why NOT me? Lord, this hurts, I don't understand but I give this to you. I trust You, Lord. I do. Its just hard. Give me joy."
God: "Sarah, I love you, darling. I will be gentle. You are strong in Me. You'll see. You will dance. You will shout. You will bring glory. Just don't forget Me now. Press on. You'll see My will in due time, dear Child. I love you."

Sigh.

here I am

screwed up

beat up.

feeling hung out to dry.

I feel like an idiot.

I wear my heart on my sleave.

I give and give, and then cry and hurt when people throw it back.
I want to NOT give... but... I'm meant to.
and I screwed up.
maybe thats why this hurts more... because of my choices.
I didn't guard my heart.


sigh.

but its not broken.
and I'm not strong.

But God Is.


thats all the reason I need.