He Paints One Stroke & the Sky Goes Crazy With Love...(A Stroke of Genius, Perhaps?)

So last night I had a lot to think about.

I think I was taking in a meshing of personalities and I was rather agitated that everyone was in my face. This of course is to be expected when your family is mine.

But this morning after the first few hours of becoming awake, things began to hit me and my heart became thankful.

First, just being able to watch people interact with each other. Have you ever noticed that some people can just pick up and become fast friends and the whole room becomes a bustle of jolly commotion as everyone picks around each others' personalities just to find to their delight, that they all enjoy each other and accept each other for their very crazy if not brazen self?

Once, while I was growing up, I was ashamed of how my family was. No one else's family was like mine - that was BAD cause everyone else acted like we were maniacs or something.

BUT - over the past 2 years, I've not only come to terms with how my family is, I rather feel sorry for people who can't handle so much craziness and love.

How do they enjoy their boring, routinely lives? One might argue if they're really living at all.

One thing I rather delight in is how one personality can pull another personality out of hiding.

Its one of the most beautiful things for someone to just accept that they are a certain way and that GOSH! ITS OKAY TO JUST BE YOU!!!!

I think my family is good at that. We most definitely have our problems, HA! Let me be a witness of that! BUT! We're always moving. We're always learning and changing. We have (for the most part) open hearts.

So this is what triggered a thought process of how God, in essence has surrounded himself with... Himself. He Himself is the ESSENCE OF beauty and so ergo, everything He does is beautiful.

I was driving home on 271 and what encountered me as I approached the top of a particular hill was something that took my breath away - a wild dash of orange, pink blue and purple with a swirl of yellow somehow blending in every little corner that was not covered.
The sun screamed orange.

The sky was marveling. It was almost as if every single moment was a span of universe happening and if you blinked you had missed some form of divinity. I swear the sky was glowing and in love.

Ha, and then He said ever so simply, "Its for You."

Of course without missing a single beat I replied, "Well, Yeah... and everyone else you made it for ... AND me... of course!" in between gasps of awe and reminding myself I should probably breath too.

But He plainly restated, "Its for You."

And that's when it hit me:

What did it matter if it could be for anyone else too? God is a sovereign God! Its all the more immaculate that He could have made it for me and ANYONE ELSE He wanted to love on in that little place in time where human met Jesus.

And thats where I was humbled. The live painting was for me. It was between Jesus and His bride. I'm not just single. I'm plural. Its for me just as much as it is for any other part of His Bride. It doesn't mean He would love me any less, He loves ME. He loves US. Of COURSE its for me!


He is awesome.

And, there, on Remsen Rd, I began to cry tears of thankfulness.

He Loves Us.


He really does!


And THIS BLOG is NOT to cancel out my last post!

In one hand the Lord invokes true Justice to all the nations AND to all the peoples.

But, in the OTHER hand, He offers mercy and this crazy grace that says if you repent and confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, He will NOT overlook that!

And for us, as a broken people to get ON OUR FACES before a holy God, is to give Him honor and to show Him real reverence, which, by the way guys, we have NO business losing since, last I checked we're all STILL dirty rotting sinners without Him.

Anyway,

I leave you with this:


Heh. :) He loves us if we are open to Him giving us His love.

Now... If we could get the hang of loving Him back.....

the most beautiful thing in the world...

...a worship service filled with a few hundred ppl, where the only musical instrument going is a guitar a strum here or there just to keep everyone on track as the leaders, the vocalists, the instrumentalists step back, arms stretching to the sky as the world seems to shake at the sound of the voices lifting in one sound unto a God whom people proclaim is unreal.


Let me tell you something... when you experience that passion, that deep call of praise as the deepest parts of 200 souls cries out to the deepest part of all infinite, YHWH, you would never be able to bring yourself to say that the God we serve isn't real, with a clean conscience.

It is THE SINGLE most beautiful thing of mass beauty to experience EVER.

The second most beautiful thing in the world is watching a person you've been pouring into GROW RAPIDLY in the Lord, as they GET IT. If there is something I LOVE about youth ministry, its when teens don't stray, they clinge to the cross.

OOOH man. What a blessed woman I am. At barely 19 years of age, I have experienced the true and most FULFILLING joy of ministry: seeing fruit, and fruit abundantly!

These things make me forget about myself. These things make me openly weep with joy, as I write this with tears filling my eyes to a point where all I can see is the blur of the pc screen.

I talked with my brothers both on different nights... and I finally was able to express my hurt over being called "Saintly Sarah" and my parents "Sucess Story". With tears I was able to share that you don't get refined like I am without a price. I know that Jesus paid the ultimate price, but I've also paid a price to be like Jesus. I've been through much pain. I've been through much anger. I've loved wholey, and I've been rejected entirely. Little things that made me a more beautiful person were expressed to my brothers as I was able to share encouragement on what they're going through because (though not situationally) I went through the same spiritual struggle they are (and may I add, continue to, each to a different degree and level.)

I think I gained respect and understanding from them, which weirdly enough is important to me. They are both younger then me, 16 and 14, and yet their understanding of who I am and why means much more then I thought it ever would. I love my family. I love them with all my heart. I hate many things about our dynamics, but its those very things that remind me how real they are... and how much they're grown in Jesus.

Words will never express how thankful I am for them. I'll miss them... very very much.

God knew I'd need my family.

I once told Him I hated them. I hated being apart. I hated being the oldest. I hated everything about them.

7 years later... (what a beautiful number) ... I'm saying the most oposite, most wonderful and real thing:

I love them. I think I need to tell God that more often. I love being apart, though I know its time for me to follow God out into His will for my life. I LOVE being the oldest, though it hurts to know that the younger my siblings go, the less involved I'll be with them, and that hurts like.... I don't know. I regret the inevitable. I love most everything about them. Their loudness, their REALness. They're "THEMness". I don't think I express my thankfulness enough for them. I need to tell God that more often.

I will.



until then, my heart is longing for a beautiful old place where I hope the Lord sends me... ywam is looking like a lovely orginization! I'm praying for a true releasing to go there.

I hope I'm released. Maybe I'm just waiting for the nudge.

Dear Lord, NUDGE ME!

Ouch

you know, Lord?

This sucks.

I feel used, I feel invisible and I feel like just another girl.
It sucks that I feel that way.
Of course, I asked You to use me. I shouldn't be complaining!

me: "Lord!! Use me Use me Use me!!!!!!"
God: "Okay!"

later...

Me: "God!!! I feel so used!"
God: "But you said.."
Me: ".....I'm sorry, this just...I feel like I didn't even benifit from this. I feel like all it did was hurt me and give me a lesson learned."
God: "Sarah..."
Me: "Wait.. I know I'm so selfish. I SHOULDN'T sit here and tell you I didn't get anything out of this and complain. But God... .... and I don't WANT to complain, and I'll try NOT to, Jesus! Its just that... and I know I deserve a lot of what I get, but ... why me? Of all the people who.. I guess the question really is why NOT me? Lord, this hurts, I don't understand but I give this to you. I trust You, Lord. I do. Its just hard. Give me joy."
God: "Sarah, I love you, darling. I will be gentle. You are strong in Me. You'll see. You will dance. You will shout. You will bring glory. Just don't forget Me now. Press on. You'll see My will in due time, dear Child. I love you."

Sigh.

here I am

screwed up

beat up.

feeling hung out to dry.

I feel like an idiot.

I wear my heart on my sleave.

I give and give, and then cry and hurt when people throw it back.
I want to NOT give... but... I'm meant to.
and I screwed up.
maybe thats why this hurts more... because of my choices.
I didn't guard my heart.


sigh.

but its not broken.
and I'm not strong.

But God Is.


thats all the reason I need.

Sing to the Lord a New Song.

so I wrote a new song. it has almost a messianic sound to my "Sarah" sound.

Anyway,

enjoy the lyrics.


My Attempt to Glorify.

By Sarah Faith


I've tried and cannot express the way You are
Radiance and splender are no-dimension words by far
and You're bigger than my thoughts, Oh God.

From one breathe of Your lips, the stars were formed and shaped.
In the span of Your great hand You hold and call each one by name.
Who is man that You would think thoughts towards me?
Who am I to You in this vast galaxy?

[I am a vapor, a wave on the sand. just one in a billion
and yet you take my hand.]

As Your Lightnings blast the skies
the oceans roar all Your praise
the mountains tremble as the earth quakes in Your name.
And who am I that all that I have to bring
are some simple chords strummed to a melody?

[up from the dust I'm called - thats me
somehow resembling powerful Beauty]

Rescuer, Your name is chilvary
Highest One, You're Right arm is Mighty
Fire goes forth before Your mouth to consume my enemies
YHWH, Father, my Hero and my King.

Stepping into creation You painted with Your hand
Forming to our custums, confined to our sinners land
Who are You that You would care enough to be
so degraded to save us - to show You know our needs?

[letting us abuse you with all of our shame
ignorant that we had hung you on a tree You yourself had made...]

Rescuer - You won us on a tree
Healer - Your wounds are mine for me
Highest One, Praise from my mouth won't cease
YHWH, Abba, to You I bow my knee.




~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

the words in brackets are optional.



anyway, thats my song and my sisters love it (at the point no one besides them has heard it sooo....)


anyway, be blessed.